Are there any athletes you would have an impossible time rooting for, even if they signed with your favorite team?

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

Answers

Four words: Deion Sanders, Washington Redskins.

Sadly, that actually happened.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

He's retired now, but back in the day I had a really hard time with openly anti-gay Andy Van Slyke.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

If Rick Fox became a forward for the Boston Celtics, I would turn my back on the team until he was subsequently run out of town.

I can't think of another professional sports situation that would cause me to react that strongly, but say one of the Bowdens became head coach at Alabama. You would see on your evening news a reenactment of the Battle of Tuscaloosa, waged by yours truly.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

(checking to see if Naked Hannah's around...)

You know, I'm not Duke fan, but I could cheer for Battier if he signs with the Wizards. Heck, I can even root for Laettner, although not very loudly.

But if Coach K somehow left Duke and took the Maryland job, I'd have to stop cheering for the Terps. I'd just become more of a women's basketball fan or something.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

I will never, ever cheer for a Bowden.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

Mike, I don't think you'd be able to see Coach K for all the tar and feathers.

Jason Kidd is probably a decent human being, but I can't root for him, y'all. I just can't. Every time I see him it takes me back to the 1993 Duke-Cal game when the commentators were all saying, "Here's the next generation of NBA point guards," and my little heart just breaks.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

Mike, I don't think you'd be able to see Coach K for all the tar and feathers.

Yeah, but from where? Durham or College Park?

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

Both.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

What if OJ came out of retirement??

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

Oddly enough, Deion with the 49ers for me.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

"But if Coach K somehow left Duke and took the Maryland job, I'd have to stop cheering for the Terps. I'd just become more of a women's basketball fan or something."

Mike, you are and forever will be my hero.

Now that baseball is upon us, I would never and could never root (I can barely even look at him, it is that bad) for Roger Clemens. I hate him with all the passion of a roomful of over-the-hill women at a men's strip club. From his obnoxious in-your-face ego to intentionally throwing baseballs at batters...add the fact that he is a Yankee...fuhgedaboutit.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

add the fact that he is a Yankee

Do you even need another reason?

My friend Dan believes Clemens has weekly meetings with Satan himself to plan his next round of evildoings.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

Rasheed Wallace (aka Skunkhead)

Ray Lewis

Any Steve Spurrier-coached team

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

What if OJ came out of retirement??

HAAAA!

You mean "Football Retirement," or "Murdering People Retirement?"

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

Any Steve Spurrier-coached team

I am so with you. My God, the visor. How it fills me with rage. He is SUCH a point-running, whiny-baby, visor-wearing, vile bastard.

How many times in a row can I post in this thread?

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

Word word word on the Bowden hate. I've said it before and I'll say it again ... if Bobby spoke with a New York accent, FSU would be on permanent probation. But he comes out there with that "Aw, shucks, I done tole Peter Warrick not to steal any dadgum clothes from Dillards, and he said he wasn't never gonna do it again, so we'll suspend him for the first play against Miami" and the NCAA just swoons.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

I'm the opposite with Roger Clemens... I will actually watch whatever Yankee / Chicago team he happens to be with. I like him.

Spurrier and the Bowdens, on the other hand, fill me with rage. Terry Bowden is a simpering fool; when he was supposedly on the short list to replace Mackovic at Texas I was walking on eggshells. Bobby Bowden is secretly the leader of a huge fundamentalist, tongue-speaking, snake-handling cult, and I'm fairly convinced that Steve Spurrier beats his wife.

I couldn't root for Luke Axtell, no matter where he went. Any team owned by Bud Adams deserves to suck ass for 100 years. I think John Stockton is so disgusting that he would ruin any team he played for, in my eyes... even my beloved Rockets.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

On the Steve Spurrier whiny-ass vibe...I will nominate Coach K's pawn, Mike Dunleavy. Could he possibly fall down and cry more often? Go on to the NBA and don't let the Terrapin shell hit you in the ass on your way out, you elitist cry-baby.

(Okay, now I am even starting to scare myself)

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

I couldn't root for Luke Axtell

Nor Tom Penders. I don't have any strong feelings for or against Texas basketball, but that whole saga made me want to lock both of them in a room with alligators.

Then Penders came to DC and ran George Washington's program totally into the ground, and they became just a gang of thugs.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

Derek Jeter.

Full of the hate for him, his beady eyes, and his cocky ass.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

I was going to say Jeter too, but I'd probably come around if he joined a team I liked. My hatred of all things Yankee is only matched by my extreme prejudice against the Portland Trailblazers. And maybe Duke basketball.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

So many. Kobe Bryant. Rick Fox. Any team coached by that smarmiest of smarmy coaches, Phil "I Use Beautiful Zen to Win Championships" Jackson. Pretty much any Laker.

Oh, oh! Jason Kidd and his wife-beating self. Hate him, too.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

Yeah, add Kobe to my list as well. He reminds me of the little brother who talks smack and gets away with it because his big brother weighs a million pounds and can kick everyone else's ass.

Let's see him win something without the best player in basketball clogging up the middle.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

Ditto on Kobe. Because he's cocky and the whole prom thing was despicable (which took me, like, 5 minutes to spell since I'm apparently retarded). Oh, and I hate Shaq and his crossed eyes. And he's not an athlete, but I hate Pat Croce.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

And he's not an athlete, but I hate Pat Croce.

Jessa, that's the funniest thing I've read all week.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

Even funnier when you originally read it as Jim Croce. I was about to say, "Admittedly, 'Who Led Me Down the Highway' is not his best work, but . . . "

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

Bobby Knight.

I don't think it needs an explanation.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

Even funnier when you originally read it as Jim Croce.

God, I did the same thing. And I was about to get all Leroy BROWN on you, Jessa.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2002

Oh, I'm still reading it as Jim Croce. That's why it was so funny to me.

I guess I should have explained that, but I didn't want y'all to think I'm dumb. Wait, is it too late for that?

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2002

Y'all, get off the Jim Croce obsession. There are far, far better people to hate. I'm related to many of them.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2002

I have no hatred for Pat Croce, but he can definitely get kind of annoying.

Here's an entire team I can never cheer for (and the MOC will kill me for this one) ... the University of Virginia. Mainly because I live in NoVA, and their fans are insufferable. A lot of them are exactly like Duke fans, except that at least Duke has won championships. I can even sometimes cheer for Duke in out-of-conference games, or at least not root against them, but never UVa.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2002

I could never cheer for the person who tugs on Superman's cape, spits into the wind, and pulls a mask off the old Lone Ranger.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2002

Oh, come on, Mike. 110%? Anyone who says that phrase, LET ALONE names a book that, deserves to be put out of his misery.

University of Virginia, huh? How I wish I understood sports better.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2002

I can understand your dislike of UVa's fan, I don't like them much myself. They tend to be more about candelabra's and brie at the tailgate party then about the game.

But don't hate the team because of the fans.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2002

But that's so hard, knowing that if they win I'll hear about it forever. I mean, I'd cheer for Travis Watson if he played somewhere else.

(I should point out that Maryland fans are probably equally insufferable when we win, but we're not holier-than-thou about it.)

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2002

My brother-in-law played lacrosse for Maryland, so I was completely shocked a few years ago when he and my sister gave me UofV nightlights for the boys' room.

NoVa has some kind of sucking vortex that completely makes people forget their roots.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2002