Pipe bomber, signs in children to watch for.greenspun.com : LUSENET : Country Families : One Thread
On the radio this morning there was a discussion about the pipe bomber, A boy who by most people in his home town, thought he was fine. The discussion was what are some of the things in our society that are causing children to grow up and do these terrible things. One was do you have control of your child at the age of six. Are you letting the child be disrespectful to you, and others. Also the schools have this policy of not letting a child fail. [Something about he will grow up with no self esteem.]Children should be allowed to fail, So they can strive to do better.Also are you the parent, or are you his buddy or pal. He has his buddys at school. He needs you to be a parent. It seems this boy, [pipe bomber] was into heavy metal music. You as a parent should have control of what your child watches or listens too.By the time the child reaches high school it is to late. I thought the discussion had a lot of merits.
-- Irene texas (firstname.lastname@example.org), May 09, 2002
Not let children fail. Do you suppose if some of the warm fuzzy type people had their mailboxes blown up, they'd change their minds?
-- Cindy (S.E.IN) (email@example.com), May 09, 2002.
I liked what you had to say, Irene. I've worked with children a long time and know they are begging adults to set some boundaries for them. Once I learned that I've had a much easier time working with the kids. They need to know who is in charge and it better well not be them when they are young. They can have their input into the discussion, and I treat them with respect but ultimately the adult is the one with the final say. Excellent books I've read over the years are ones by Dr. James Dobson, especially Dare to Discipline and one by Ross Campbell called How to Really Love Your Child.
-- Nancy (firstname.lastname@example.org), May 09, 2002.
I think by "letting children fail" it means don't always rescue them from every little problem. Let them clean out the barn on a hot day if they won't get up early when it is cool and do it, let them stay up too late and figure out how tired they are the next day, let them not do their homeowrk and miss recess the next day.
By letting them learn the consequnces of minor mistakes you teach them that what they do or don't do, they will have to deal with it. Now if it was something like drugs/alcohol etc... of course you must step in, but with the little things let them "fail" and they will learn from it!!
-- Melissa in SE Ohio (email@example.com), May 09, 2002.
The playing field isn't really level for kids: some are more resilient than others. My husband came out of a family where there is a lot of inherited insanity. Some of his family became capable adults no matter what their living situations were like when they were growing up, other kids who do NOT have the family schizophrenia needed all of the good parenting the healthy adults can provide them, and it still may not be enough. Sometimes good parenting isn't enough, either, when a teenager starts to hear voices.
Don't get me wrong, a realize that a parent CAN teach their kids corruption; can make their childs life either a *lot* harder if they teach a kid the world owes them a living, OR a *lot* easier by teaching him how to behave in this world, but I suspect that this kid is less than sane, in a manner that has nothing to do with whether or not his parents raised him to be a spoiled brat or not.
Most spoiled brats don't set random bombs, there isn't any benefit to them in it, and most parents who teach corruption wouldn't turn their son in.
I realize that I am rambling a bit, I am trying to say that I think this kid is not sane. He cannot be totally demented or he couldn't have pulled this off, but I think he is well short of sanity.
-- Terri (firstname.lastname@example.org), May 09, 2002.
By the way, I think that the teenager who worries me the most would have benefited greatly from being able to camp when he was little, or working on a farm as a youngster. There is a very definate cause - and - effect when you are building or growing something that you want to have, that cannot be taught nearly as easily or as well now that he is a teenager. He grew up running wild and got what he wanted by sweet talking his elders. He never did learn much about cause and effect, but he could have learned a great deal by not sleeping well because he didn't set up camp properly, or finding out his garden died because he didn't water it. Irene is right when she says it is hard to reach high schoolers: this young man is thinking about cars, girls, and jobs and doesn't care about ANYTHING else, so he doesn't care about any advice auntie can give him!!! All I can hope for is that he will learn from the school of hard knocks. It isn't the best way to learn, but it does sometimes work!!!!
-- Terri (email@example.com), May 09, 2002.
Discipline teaches self-respect. Children should be taught self respect and respect for other people and their property. They should be taught there are boundaries in life and consequences when we do wrong. Don't protect them from their mistakes. They won't learn a thing from that. It isn't easy but necessary. Also I strongly feel TV and internet usage should be limited for kids and parents should know what they are doing and who they are with. They will thank you when they grow up if are firm and loving with them.
-- Barb in Ky. (firstname.lastname@example.org), May 09, 2002.
I recall reading in an old hunting book, in the introduction of it, that the author recalled a conversation with a judge who dealt with teen court cases. The judge could not recall one accused teen who came before his court who's hobby was fishing. Something about the quiet, contemplative nature of it seemed to allow the participant some down time, time to comtemplate their place in the "great scheme of things".
I won't argue the logic; I think a little down time for all of us, including the young, is needed. Kids today have so much to do and think about. They hardly get the time to just be kids. My .02.
-- j.r. guerra in s. tx. (email@example.com), May 09, 2002.
J.R. I think you are right. My husband is a child therapist working with teens and adolecents-mostly males. The first thing he does is to try to find them a hobby or something they they are good at to do. With one kid it was drumming, some other kids did a forestry project. It really helps.
There is a kid at my kids school I'm concerned about-on the surface, he's all politness and smile yes mam and no sir. Won several academic awards and yet this same child has tormented my son for years-yes I've complained-people think I have it "in" for this child. His parents think he can do no wrong, he goes to church, and yet.... I KNOW this kid is up to some bad things. Thankfully, my son is beginning to see the underside to all this polish, and has begun distancing himself from him. Hopefully, he (the child) will grow up to be a fine adult but I have an uneasy feeling about him.
-- Kelly (firstname.lastname@example.org), May 10, 2002.
I just read a bit more about the young man in custody for the pipe bombs. It sounds as if he is a very sick young man! Unfortunately, people got hurt. I feel so sorry for his parents.
-- Ardie/WI (email@example.com), May 10, 2002.