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-- Anonymous, May 08, 2002

Answers

A Parrently

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2002

Eh?

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2002

Sorry Gus, just noticed the other thread. Very odd.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2002

..and killing them is illegal. Who let them have the vote ?

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2002

How many men does it take to open a can of beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer the sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men break wind more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a male chauvinist pig? A woman that won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a wedding cake.

Marriage is a 3 ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, and Suffering.

Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me,"What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust."

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said to her,"I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said. "God, I wish I had your will power."

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: That happens in every country, son.

A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2002

A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "Business trip or vacation?" "Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago," she states.

Whoa!!! He swallows hard and is instantly crazed with excitement. Here's the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting RIGHT next to him and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer", she says. "I use my experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really," he says, swallowing hard, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Greek descent."

Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!". "Tonto," the man says, as he extends his hand. "Tonto Papadopoulos."

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2002

When God created Man ... She was only joking.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2002

OK - just for you Jacko.

Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? A. Both of them.

Q. Why did the man cross the road? A. He heard the chicken was a slut.

Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay? A. They don't have time.

Q. What do men and sperm have in common? A. They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future? A. He buys two cases of beer.

Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds? A. The bonds mature.

Q. Why are blonde jokes so short? A. So men can remember them.

Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? A. We don't know; it has never happened.

Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good- looking? A. They already have boyfriends.

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A. A widow.

Q. Why are married women heavier than single women? A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? A. They're married.

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you."

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2002

And now - Back on Subject. Sorry but Maureen started it. Just do a search on "Why do women" or "Why do men" or "Sexist Jokes". There's a hell of a lot around.

Why do women have arms? Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK the dishes clean?

How do men define a 50/50 relationship? She cooks/I eat; she cleans/I dirty; she irons/I wrinkle

This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day two years ago that I lost my dear wife and children. I will never forget that game of cards...

How many men does it take to fix a lightbulb in the kitchen? None, the woman can do dishes in the dark.

Why don't women need drivers licenses? There is no such thing as a road between the kitchen and the bedroom.

If your wife comes out of the kitchen to whine at you, what have you usually done wrong? Made her chain too long.

How many men does it take to mop a floor? None. It's a woman's job.

My wife's cooking is so bad that we pray after we eat.

Why did the woman cross the road? Who cares! What was she doing out of the kitchen???

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do what she's told!

What do you do if your dishwasher stops working? Slap that woman!!

"I'd like my wife to be beautiful, well-behaved, smart, and rich," the bachelor said. "O, well, then you'll have to get married 4 times", replied his friend.

Why did God create women? Because a beer can't cook supper!

What's a mans idea of helping with housework? Lifting up his legs so the woman can vacuum

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2002

One more (Old one) for the ladies.

Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two extra things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating. "It's a very handy thing", God told the couple, "I was wondering if either one of you wanted that very ability."

Adam jumped up and blurted, "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems a sort of thing a man should do. Oh please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability, It'd be so great! When I'm working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just stand there and let it fly. It'd be so cool, I could write my name in the sand. Oh please God, let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please..." On and on he went like an excited little boy who had to pee.

Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted that so badly, that he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy and she really wouldn't mind if Adam were the one given this ability.

And so Adam was given the ability to urinate while in a vertical position. He was happy and did celebrate by wetting down the bark on the tree nearest him, laughing with delight all the while.

"Fine," God said looking back into his bag of leftovers, "What's left here? Oh yes, 'multiple orgasms' . . ."

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2002

So after God created Eve, there she was in the Garden of Eden when God said to her - "What d'ye reckon then Eve, have I made a good job of you?" "Yes", says Eve, "everything's fine and it all works but I'm not sure I need three breasts, the one in the middle just gets in the way - could you remove it, please." So God does the necessary and pops back up to heaven for a while.

A few days later God speaks to Eve again to ask if everything is still OK. "Not bad" says Eve, "but I get a bit lonely - do you think you could create a partner for me, please." "Certainly", says God, "I'll need a bit of human tissue to make one from - now where did I put that useless tit?"

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2002

Flippin` heck Pilgrim, you`ve gone into overdrive on this one! (;o)

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2002

Just a bit of cutting and pasting Galaxy. The trouble was I kept reading more and more jokes (many that I wouldn't put on here) and ended up spending an hour on it. Mind it was fun.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2002

Just loved the `How to remember your wife`s birthday` one. (:o)

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2002