This morning's Sunday People has us linked with Martin Keown, whose contract expires this summer. Perhaps YBR is attempting to create the ugliest ever squad in the Prem. With Bellamy and Keown for starters then I suspect some opposition teams would think twice before running on the pitch - you certainly wouldn't do it on a full stomach would you. Luke Chadwick and Phil Neville - you could be next.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2002

Answers

Awful team Photograph

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2002

None of them has ever been my type but Peter Beardlsey is just about the most beautiful sight I ever saw playing in the Black and White.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2002

And think of the horror value of including Marcy in next season's lineup.

Scary or what ?

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2002

Keown, Marcy and O'Brien at the back.

Can you imagine?

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2002

We'd not let a goal in all season!

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2002

Aah you can't say OB is in the same class as Keown or Marcelino in the looks department! Nor is Bellamy for that matter. I might be biased as they play for the Toon but those 2 are not near Chadwick or Keown for ugliness. On the whole we have quite a good looking team these days, as opposed to earlier decades - though my Mam liked pat Howard!

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2002

Maybe, but watch the size of the gate plummet.

They'll have to give each game a parental guidance rating, depending on how many of the gargoyles appear at the same time.

And just think of the effect when Bobby wants to bring them on as subs. They'll have to hold the game up until all those of a nervous disposition, especially young kids, have left the ground.

And then, if they get sent off or substituted, the game will have to be held up again, while they let those with the stomach for it, back in.

And, instead of Sky re-running questionable refereeing decisions ad nauseum, they could keep on homing in on particularly impressive gurns.

Plus, an impressive gurn, together with a particularly revolting clearance of the throatal and nasal passages would bring the house down.

We might even have gurn of the month, gob of the month, or, we should be so lucky, gurn-with-gob of the month.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2002

this has gurn all silly

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2002

Bloody hell - pots and kettles spring effortlessly to mind. Has anyone on here recently checked out Steph's Greenspun photos pages? Nuff said?

As far as I'm concerned we could buy John bloody Merrick to play CB just as long he taught wor lot how to actually prevent the opposition from scoring!

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2002

You're totally missing the point here Clarky. How can we girlies put a team photo above our desks when the individuals concerned look like they are auditioning for the Hunchback of Notre Dame?

I suppose we could scan it an digitally enhance a few of them - in the case of Young Craig this may be beyond the limitations of my computing skills!

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2002

More to the point, I reckon Keown would be a great signing, in fact I remember mentioning it during last week during discussions about Stam.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2002

Jacko - I've just had a thought. You remember that WI Calendar that caused such a stir a couple of years ago? Perhaps we should put together a Greenspun Calendar, for 'charidee' leyk! Any chance of a receptive market?

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2002

A Greenspun calendar would need a nineteen month year to do us lot justice.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2002

It would need every trick in the Photoshop book to do us lot justice. :-)

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2002

Many thanks for your kind birthday wishes. We enjoyed our cruise, although for my wife and I the ship held too many passengers. However, there were plenty of amenities -- including an ice rink, a climbing wall and a roller skating area and three swimming pools. The three girls loved it and we enjoyed the nightly shows. The ship was called the Voyager of the Seas and is the largest in the Royal Caribbean Line. We are coming over to the UK and returning via the QE2 which is much more sedate and appropriate for one of my age!!!!! Kept in touch with the fortunes of the Toon on the ship's internet. With respect to Keown, I think he would be an excellent addition to our squad. He would provide the disciplined organization which our defence lacks.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2002