In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the minister. The minister asked the janitor, "Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me? I really have to go to the bathroom and the Widow McGee is coming. She tends to go on but never really does anything worthy of serious repentance, so when she's done just give her 10 Hail Mary's and I'll be right back."

Being the helpful sort, the janitor agreed. Just as expected the Widow McGee came into the booth and started her confession. "Oh Father, I fear I have done the unforgivable. I have given into carnal thoughts and have had oral sex."

Stunned, the janitor had no idea how to handle this situation. Surely 10 Hail Mary's would not do. So, in a moment of desperation the janitor peered his head out of the confessional and asked an altar boy, "Son, what does the minister give for oral sex?"

In reply the altar boy said, "Two Snickers bars and a Coke."

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2002

Answers

Aroused Prelate

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2002

I didn't know oral sex wasn't allowed for Catholics. Do they restrict positions as well? I can't remember reading the specifics on all this in the Bible, but perhaps the RE teachers always skip those bits ;-)

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2002

If that was true Jonno, it must have happened about 45 years ago, because it most certainly would've remained covered up for at least that length of time. :-{E}

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2002

Pete - the Church for a long time recommended the Missionary position. As you might guess, it was promoted by missionaries to stop more 'bestial' behaviour. As for oral sex, it probably is frowned upon by the Church because according to its teaching the only purpose of sex is for procreation - if you want sex for pleasure become a Hindu!

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2002

So, what your saying is I can have sex, but I'm not supposed to enjoy it. How do I stop myself? Anyone?

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2002

Sleep with Anne Widdacombe?

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2002

I hear Mo Mowlam is making an appearance at Van Mildert College in Durham. If anything gets close to her for a cold shower effect I don't want to know!

And no, you're not supposed to enjoy sex. Even if it's on your own.

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2002