When You Don't Know What Else To Do, Laugh

ALL IN THE FAMILY

A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?" "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely. "Can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun. "I'm afraid I cannot, Sister." "Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun asked. "Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun." "Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not 'spinsters.' They are married to God." "Wonderful," said Mr. Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law."

-- Gerri (gerdwan1125@webtv.net), April 23, 2002

Answers

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-- David (David@excite.com), April 23, 2002.

How about this one?

Two nuns were at a sporting match, in full habit, seated just in front of three men set on winding them up.

The first man said, "I think I'll move to Colorado. There are only 500 Catholics in Colorado."

The nuns did not react.

The second man chimed in with his challenge, "I would like to move to Montana. There are only 50 Catholics living there."

Still, the nuns failed to take their lure.

Finally, the third man added, "Well, I consider moving to Utah. There are only 5 Catholics in Utah."

At last, one of the nuns turned to face the three men, and said, "Perhaps you should all consider moving to Hell. After all, there are NO Catholics there!"

-- Melissa (holy_rhodes@earthlink.net), April 23, 2002.

I like your "material," Gerri and Melissa.

In case you have not seen the humor threads that used to be active here on the forum, you have missed scores of good jokes, mainly touching on religion. Here is a link to one of them, and it contains its own links to the other threads.

God bless you.
John

-- J. F. Gecik (jfgecik@hotmail.com), April 25, 2002.

Happy Valentines Day!

-- Choas (Choas@ivillage.com), February 14, 2003.

-- Choas (Choas@ivillage.com), February 14, 2003.

Sweet photo!!! here's another little nyuck, nyuck: There was an athiest kindergarten teacher who had a room full of children wanting to please her. As she asked them questions, she made known to the little children that she did not approve of anyone who believed in God.

So, in her classroom full of little Christians, she asked the class, "Who doesn't believe in God?"

All the young students, wanting to get their teacher's approval, raised their hands high so the teacher could see them agreeing with her.

There was one little girl who did not raise her hand with the others. The teacher, wanting to ridicule her in front of the whole class said, "I am an atheist, and do not believe in God", and then added, "Who does believe in God?"

The little girl raised her hand.

The teacher asked her, "Why do you believe in God?"

The little girl thought about it and said, "Because I'm Catholic".

"Why are you Catholic?"

"Because my parents are Catholic", the little girl answered.

The teacher, now very angry and not wanting to let this determined little girl win in front of the class, replied back haughtily, "Well what if both of your parents were morons, then what would that make you?"

The little girl answered, "An atheist".

-- Anna <>< (Flower@youknow.com), February 14, 2003.

Animal Rites?

Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Washington, DC parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. It was then he noticed a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the US Senate for assistance.

The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Senator Daschle. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day t'yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Senator Daschle, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment. Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, that's certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin."

-- jake (j@k.e), January 16, 2004.