IN the past 7 years, I have been in some very hurtful situations. I have decided that for now, it is better to be bi-vocational and not lean upon the church for income. MOre to the point, I desperately feel the responsibility to preach the word, but allow God to supply my needs through alternative means.

But how do you put the past hurts behind. My wife said she wanted to reformat my harddisk. It took me a second to understand, the HD had too many temp files and spam and needs to be defragged at least. Bottom line, sometimes I have flashbacks, kind of like soldiers having been in war have. Reliving those hurts is a drag. HOw do you "be transformed by the renewing of your mind?"

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2002

Answers

No simple answers here, Bill. But one thought that has been helpful for me comes from Elizabeth Elliot. That idea is summed up in four words -- "do the next thing."

You do what needs to be done now. You shine the shoes. You feed the children. You gas up the car. You vacuum the floor. You drive to work. You move into the next moment. You "do the next thing."

You say in your mind and in your heart, "That doesn't matter now. THIS matters." "What they did 5 years ago, or even last month, doesn't matter now. What matters now is that the dog needs to go to the vet. I have to do that."

Widows usually have to learn this. At a very basic level, the fact that Joe died two weeks ago doesn't change the fact that the baby is crying and needs to be fed. I must not let my sorrow over Joe's not being with me anymore stop me from meeting the baby's needs. I acknowledge Joe's death, I feel terrible, I weep for a moment, but then I do the next thing.

The more you are moving to the next moment, the next need, the less you are focusing on the past hurt. The past will not change the "now" any more than it already has. Move on. Paul spoke in Philippians 3 in the context of those things which might profit him spiritually, but I think the principle applies in this kind of situation as well: "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

I will acknowledge that this is very easy to say from outside the situation, and very hard to hear from inside it. But I am convinced, from both my own experience and that of others, that this is one of the fundamental things that hurt people like you, and like I have been, must come to grips with. I pray that it may be helpful, as a start, at least.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2002

Bill,

Having gone through somewhat of the same situation you speak of, I have to say that Sam gives some good advice.

As long as you have examined yourself in these past situations (as all concerned Christians should do under the circumstances) and have come to grips with what "went down" - then it's time to move forward.

And even like Paul, maybe you should count these troubles you've faced as a JOY, not a burden. If Satan saw fit to attack you like this, then you must be doing SOMETHING right! And that's another key to remember - Satan is the ultimate cause of these problems. Your adversary in these issues were not of flesh & blood, but of a spiritual nature that you cannot fully fathom. Fortunately, Christ has defeated this enemy, so if you steadfastly remain at His side - then the damage to you will be kept to a level which you can handle.

Also, keep in mind the words of Joseph as he dealt with his brothers after being sold into slavery: "You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good". All these things may just be God's way of preparing you for a real "slam-bang" ministry somewhere down the road.

-- Anonymous, April 15, 2002

Well Bill...I speak as an insider.

Have you ever had the ruling elder of a congregation send the police to your house to "confiscate" the church's possessions??

That sure tends to leave a scar that is hard to heal!!

I'm happy to say though....he got his due when he was finally asked to leave. However, the church to this day has not repented of the way they treated me and my associate at the time....and they are paying the cost of the way they have treated not just me....but past preachers as well.

As far as me....Mark summed it up well with the quote from Joseph...i.e., "What you meant for evil...God meant for good."

It would really be hard for me to imagine my life better than it is right now....and it never would have happened without the help of a power hungry elder.

And Sam is right...life goes on.

And Winston Churchill was right when he said..."If you are going through hell.....keep going!"

If for no other reason....but to simply not give the people from the past the satisfaction that they destroyed you.

When I examine the lives of the prophets and the apostles....who are we to for some reason....expect an easy life??

Day by day my friend!!

Oh...and just for fun....keep sending your old foes your current newsletter. :)

-- Anonymous, April 16, 2002

Thanks guys for your care and your help. What you said helped a lot and meant much more to know that you are there for me. Blessings to you all.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2002