Where so babies come from? (homeschooling discussion)

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My nephew recently visited for 2 weeks - he is 10 years old. During his visited I had to be hospitalized as I lost my baby (I was 12 wks). Anyway, my nephew had all these questions about where babies come from. It made me wonder why he hasn't been told all this by his parents or his public school. He asked me a couple of times to do a homeschool lesson about "where babies come from" - so I did an hour long lesson with him about human reproduction and sex education using one of my favorite books "A Child Is Born" Doing the lesson on a 10 year old level. He showed a lot of interest in the lesson and even looked at the book by himself the next day. He talked to me about how his 12 year old friend has sex with an older girl and how the other kids watch. I think the poor kid had lots of unanswered questions that his parents hadn't answered for him. His parents aren't the kind that he can talk too.

It makes me wonder if he isn't going to do human reproduction until he's 13 in public school and his parents aren't giving him any information then isn't it going to be late for him by the time he actually learns this stuff?

My son is only 5 and he knows all about human reproduction (on a 5 year olds level of cause). I think that having all these animals help, I had to explain chicken sex and chicken reproduction after he saw the rooster keep attacking and pinning down the hens. We've raised baby chicks and baby mice. Talked about breeding our goats, why our dogs are fixed and all kinds of things.

I love being a homesteader as every day life brings so many teachable moments.

-- Anita in NC (anitaholton@mindspring.com), April 08, 2002

Answers

That is interesting. On the other hand, some parents deliberately choose the "wait 'til they're older" philosophy (like waiting 'til the onset of menses) to discuss these things, feeling that children should be children as long as possible.

It is a shame that we have to even think of teaching these things so early because children are getting exposed to these issues (condoms, premarital sex, STDs), at such an early age these days.

-- GT (nospam@nospam.com), April 08, 2002.


My philosophy has always been, if they're old enough to ask the question, they're old enough to get an honest answer. My 4 year old knows all the correct terminology for the private parts - and knows where babies come from. My older daughter asked at the same age. What's scary to me is that your nephew has seen his 12 year old friend having sex! His parents need a good talking to!

-- Cheryl in KS (klingonbunny@planetkc.com), April 08, 2002.

My sister was down with her two kids the other day and this came up in one of our "after the kids have gone to bed discussions." Took her, my wife and I about a minute to decide that if the child was old enough to ask the question then he/she was old enough for a straight answer because as sure as God made little green apples it's on their minds.

Besides, by the time *my* kids will be old enough to ask that question they'll have seen the chickens do it, the goats do it, and whatever else livestock we'll have on the place do it. Hard to keep the facts of life from country kids - real country kids that is - not the kids who just happen to live in the country but have no livestock or anything.

.......Alan.

-- Alan (athagan@atlantic.net), April 08, 2002.


I agree with most of the above. Children who grow up with animals and get honest facts from a young age don't feel there's any deep mystique about sex, and they don't need to get into dangerous situations. Doesn't mean they won't experiment, of course, if I remember correctly, but it's less likely, and it is more likely to stay on the "show and tell" or "doctors and nurses" level of just satisfying curiousity. Also less likely, I guess, if there's been a mixed family - less curiousity, more basic knowledge; but I don't know for sure.

If you've been honest with them from an early age then you should have been able to be honest with them about some of the potential problems and even dangers as well. There's no shortage of problem births, birth defects and sexually transmitted diseases in animals to talk about as a jumping-off place.

Twelve-year old and his older female partner are a worry. It's to be expected that it will happen, but it's indicative of what can happen when children aren't informed. There's a real legal problem here as well. Younger than twelve is often a legal breakpoint where the law gets very tough, as opposed to just tough - as it should when an adult is involved. However, laws could catch up a twelve or thirteen year-old and an eleven year-old experimenting, and treat the just older one the same way. I did some looking around, and there's some very solid information at http://www.ageofconsent.com if anyone wants to inform themselves.

-- Don Armstrong (darmst@yahoo.com.au), April 08, 2002.


Kinda a bit off , but when my daughte was 2 she thought she came out of a bubble gum machine .There was no making her believe she came from my belly.

-- Patty Gamble (fodfarms@slic.com), April 08, 2002.


On a lighter note--- when my son was 6, my daughter was 2 1/2 and I was expecting another baby. My son kept telling me that this time, he wanted a black sister. We are all blond haired and blue eyed. I tried to explain how that wouldn't work in this case. We went on a field trip with a homeschooling group. One of the ladies kept babies for an adoption agency while the final paper work was being done. She and all of her children are also blond haired and blue eyed. That day she had a beautiful new born black baby girl with her. My son took one look and turned to me and very loudly said, "SEE!!! I told you we could too have a black baby sister!!" Years later, we have a very dear friend who is black and has only one daughter. She spends a great deal of time with us and my son says that he finally got his black sister!

-- Tana Mc (mcfarm@totelcsi.net), April 08, 2002.

This reminds me of the time, when my son was about nine, that he came home from school and wanted to ask me a question. He said he understood about boys and girls having sex, but he wanted to know about gay people. I told him the truth. He did turn a bit green, but at least he had the correct information. I didn't want him to grow up with some twisted ideas about the gay population and I never regreted telling him.

-- Ardie/WI (ardie54965@hotmail.com), April 08, 2002.

I tend to agree with one answer given already -- I believe that if a child asks a question, then they are ready to have information, although that can then be geared to their age as well. http://ca.geocities.com/sharonkuepfer/index.html

-- Sharon Schnupp Kuepfer (skuepfer@voyageur.ca), April 08, 2002.

Cheryl and I agree completly..... My 6 year old and my 5 year old know what they need to know, as they ask it, on a level thats age appropriate....

-- Kristean Thompson (pigalena_babe@yahoo.com), April 08, 2002.

I too agree that if they ask, they need to know the truth, I have a 17 year old son who is still a virgin, and an 8 year son old who almost as well informed as his brother.

I have also had a 12 yr. old girl [almost became my neice] all but offer herself to the older boy and lock herself in the bathroom with the younger one, so it was a good thing that my youngest was informed that some people try things like that, he unlocked the door and let me in.

They need to know how to control themselves before the hormones get started, after that it may be too late.

-- Thumper/inOKC (slrldr@yahoo.com), April 08, 2002.



Oh, and the bathroom incident was over 2 years ago, when my youngest was 5 1/2 or 6.

-- Thumper/inOKC (slrldr@yahoo.com), April 08, 2002.

Anita, first my sincerest condolences at the loss of your child. Your chicken story just happened to us but I did not handle it so well. We have grown children and after the children were grown and moved away from home...surprise! Well, our little surprise is now 5 years old (soon to be 6) -- (by the way we kid we will have to find an old folks home that takes minors..LOL. Seriously he has been our biggest blessing!). Well anyway, our little boy was histerical and in tears the other day and screaming because he thought the rooster was trying to kill the hen. He kept asking why is he doing that? I was caught totally off guard! I have been trying to remember when our grown children first brought up the birds and bees but kept thinking certainly it can't be "that" time already????!!! I did not handle it so well. I told them they were playing and got rough housing too much! Stupid, stupid me! I can't believe at my age and being through this before I panicked like I did. I just couldn't think what to say without getting over his head so he would understand right there on the spot. I am certain that we did not discuss birds and bees until much later, but guess things are changing..LOL! After seeing the responses, I guess I had best make a new homeschool lesson plan for this week. Maybe I will first try to find the book you meantioned, Anita.

-- Karen (mountains_mama2@hotmail.com), April 08, 2002.

Now, I'd have to agree that when a child is old enough to ask the question, they are old enough for an honest answer, but I have to admit, when my oldest asked, I had to put him off about it.

We were at the O.B.s office for a prenatal check-up for baby #3, and after waiting for the better part of an hour we were finally in an examining room and the midwife was due in any second. That was when the light bulb went off and he asked, "Do you mate like the cats do?"... "uhh, yes, sort of".... "Well, just how DO you mate?"

"Um, can we talk about this later?"

We did finish the conversation later to his satisfaction, but it's been two years now and I'm expecting the next round of interrogation any day now....maybe during a Little League practice this time....or worse...

-- gilly (wayoutfarm@skybest.com), April 08, 2002.


ROFL gilly...they do come out with them at inopportune times don't they. My neighbor's boy was 14 yrs old and he and his friends at school still thought babies come out a womans bum (a few years ago). I think information and honest can be our best tool for keeping our kids safe and healthy. As for the 12 year old doing it with and older girl..my old timer neighbor is quite honest that he lost his virginity at the age of twelve . All us youngsters (mid to late 30's ) gasped in horror and disbelief. So things weren't always so pristine in the old days. Whats worrisome is the audience factor. They must have very little self esteem or modesty to perform for others. Blech. I sure hope my boys wait a good long time before indulging (they are only 5 and 3) but I try to answer any and all questions as they come up whether about us or the critters. That book A Child Is Born is fabulous!!!

-- Alison in NS (aproteau@istar.ca), April 09, 2002.

um-the parents need to be told about the 12 year old friend business. sorry, but there is a real problem there. that child really needs some direction. i'm glad you were there to answer his questions about reproduction. it is a sad fact in this world that children have to be taught much earlier. it truly helps having animals around. after seeing goats give birth, my oldest (a girl-9) is in no hurry to ever have a child, and knows from hearing me that children are a lot of work, responsibility, and love. i will remember that child, and pray for his parents to realize their responsibility towards him. i'm sorry for your loss.

-- laura (okgoatgal@hotmail.com), April 09, 2002.


I think the only thing sadder than a neglected child is one that isn't informed. When I was 25, I met a girl that was 18. First time away from home. I don't know how we got on the subject, but she was still under the beliefe that if you kissed a guy, you would get pregnant. I was appauld that her parents raised her with that belief. Can you just imagine her having sex with a guy, and saying, "don't kiss me, I might get pregnant". How ignorant! If you don't teach your children the right thing at an early age, they learn the hard way, while in school, and grandparents usually end up raising the child.

I was a surrogate, and in the delivery room, right there, full view, were my 3 children, 10, 12 & 12. They knew the facts of life long before then, but that drove the point home.

-- Wendy A (phillips-anteswe@pendleton.usmc.mil), April 09, 2002.


I have been wondering about how one explains human sex & reproduction when a child sees ducks or other animals going at it? I mean, ducks are so absurd with their corkscrew penises & squaawkward logistics... How do you explain that people don't do it like that? Also I have a question for you men: when you first found out/realized that the thing you peed with you were to insert into the orifice of another person -- did it strike you as weird? I think when I first heard about this (I'm a woman, by the by), it was too bizarre to credit, and I probably dismissed it until my brain could fathom it. Do boys also find it so at first?

-- snoozy (bunny@northsound.net), April 09, 2002.

Nope. ;^}

-- gilly (wayoutfarm@skybest.com), April 09, 2002.

My 10 year old son (who knows the vey basics from the animals standpoint, but wants no more info- "gross mom!")was going to show a bottle lamb for fair. So for school/fair I made him go through all the steps of caring for it from day one, keeping journal and reading up. When we got to the casteratoin part I had some explaining to do. He cringed and begged me not to make HIM do that to his poor baby! Anyway, the last days before fair we reveiwed his journal repeatredly so he would be ready for the judges questions. i was reminding him differant important facts "...and you'll need to remember what castrating is/means and the differance between a ram and a whether" His eyes got HUGE! he shook his head frantically and added "I don't wanna talk about it!"

I am greatful he has told me several times that he doesn't want to grow up so fast(except to drive a car!). He told me once that his childhood was passing too quickly as it was (I nearly dropped the laundry!). He has to know about the animals he cares for. And we keep open lines of comunications so hopefully.... And daughter (6)says she is neither getting married (MUCH to independant!) and will only adopt a child. I can dream that she'll stick to that till she's 30 can't i? hehehe

-- Novina in ND (homespun@stellarnet.com), April 10, 2002.


I'm gonna make a fortune re-inventing the chastity belt :o). In the mean time I keep my 13 yr old hormonal son under close supervision(we homeschool). I tried to keep my kiddos little kids as long as possible but both of them are really bright...brighter than I was for sure....so they know 'all about it'. I always tried to answer their questions honestly depending on their age. I remember a little cousin of mine asking where babies come from....mom starts to splutter and get embarassed....another aunt says 'from mommy's tummy'...little cousin skipped off happy and content. He wasn't ready for the nitty gritty...sometimes a simple answer is what they are looking for. Speaking of funny stories. My son thought babies came from Wal- Mart(after all everything else does..lol). I was pregnant with my daughter when he was 2. He just couldn't understand the concept of a baby in my tummy. When my daughter was born he simply said.....I wanted a little brother so we will have to take her back and return her! We argued for a year about returning his little sister...lol.

-- Amanda (mrsgunsmyth@hotmail.com), April 11, 2002.

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