Someone at work sent me this joke and I thought it was cute. I think that #1 is my favorite. :)

Redneck Sayings

1. "Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."

2. "It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."

3. "He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."

4. "Have a cup of coffee, it's already been 'saucered and blowed.'"

5. "She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm."

6. "It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."

7. "My cow died last night so I don't need your bull."

8. "Don't pee down my back and tell me it's raining."

9. "He's as country as cornflakes."

10. "This is gooder'n grits."

11. "Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor."

12. "If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."

-- Anonymous, April 08, 2002

Answers

Those are some of our standards, heres a few more from "Dixie"

"Mess with me an' I'll slip a copperhead snake in yore pocket and ask you for a match."

When asked if I would let my ex wife come back my response was: " Sorry, but I don't like to chew my tobacco twice".

"Ah knowed she was a rattlesnake, when Ah picked her up", reference to being dumped by a natural redhead.

"Grinin' like a jackass eatin' sawbriar."

"Those peppers are good but hot, wish I was a blue nose mule so I could curl my lips back and bray.:

Crap fire, save matches.

If steamboats were sellin' for a nickle apiece, I coudn't buy the echo off the whistle.

Shoot low sheriff, he's riding a shetland.

My gal's in the county jail, but she lives in a brick house just the same.

"Don't know if'n Ah'm afoot or horseback"

"Plowin' a two mule crop with a shetland pony"

"I'm so messed up, I'm scratchin' my pocketwatch and windin' my ass.

"Diggin' my own grave with a short handled shovel."

"Steppin' an fetchin' like my heads on fire and my tails a catching."

"Peckerwood's a peckin', chips are a flyin', old folks are sparkin' and the babies are a cryin'"

"Tore up like a can of kraut."

"She' so ugly, she could snag lightning on a sunny day"

She's so mean , she could make a freight train take a dirt road cutoff"

She's not ugly, she's a "two drink beauty"..... A case of whiskey and a keg of beer"

"I felt so good when I woke up this mornin', I curled my toes around the footboard and crowed like a rooster."

-- Anonymous, April 08, 2002

Forgot one.

"I was so scared, I thought a covey of quail flew out my butt"

-- Anonymous, April 08, 2002

Great!!! Thanks. I know I'll use at least a couple of these. I like the one about the cow dying, (so I don't need your bull). That will no doubt be used at my office at least once tomorrow!! LOL

-- Anonymous, April 09, 2002

Thanks guys I really needed the laugh!

Susan

-- Anonymous, April 09, 2002