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Today's Useless Fact ***

How do porcupines DO IT?

"Carefully," of course. Otherwise, it would be quite a sticky wicket, as they say in jolly olde England.

Scientists finally despaired of getting this rodent to answer a questionnaire about its mating habits, so that had to become voyeurs. Ooh, what they saw! First, there's a little spraying here and there in lieu of a courtship dance. Then one finally gives the other a pointed look. Now, dig this. Remember those old- style 'jammies with the flap in the back? Well, the female porcupine simple lifts her tail and folds it up over her back, leaving a smooth, quill-free space and, well, you get the picture....

They conclude with one of the animals disengaging, climbing a tree, and shrieking at the other. Do you suppose that's porcupine for, "was it good for you?"

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2002


look, MOM..whatI found!!

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2002

A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk . "You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana." "No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo." She said "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words." She then asked Bobby what he had done. "I read a book," he replied. "That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the SHIT

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, "Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies." God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, 1. cooked breakfast for his mate, 2. awakened the kids, 3. set out their school clothes, 4. fed them breakfast, 5. packed their lunches, 6. drove them to school, 7. came home and picked up the dry cleaning, 8. took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, 9. went grocery shopping, 10. then drove home to put away the groceries, 11. pay the bills and balance the check book. 12. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 p.m. and 13. he hurried to make the beds, 14. do the laundry, 15. vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. 16. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. 17. Set out cookies and milk and 18. got the kids organized to do their homework, then 19. set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 - 20. he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, 21. breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper - 22. he cleaned the kitchen, 23. ran the dishwasher, 24. folded laundry, 25. bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 p.m. - 26. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love-which he managed to get through without complaint. The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back." The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll have to wait 9 months, though. - You got pregnant last night."

-- Anonymous, April 03, 2002

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