Advance Inside Info:

Henceforth Leica lens design will be based on the discoveries of professor Alan Guth, at MIT. Dr. Guth has mathematically determined that nothing really exists. There's nothing here. No joke. Everything came from nothing, and is still nothing. It was all reported in this months' issue of "Discovery" magazine. Matter is positive, and Gravity is negative. These exist in precisely equal amounts, and negate each other. In other words, everything is made out of nothing.

The practical result is that since nothing exists, there is no need for glass in lens elements. Air can do the job just as well. This is not really new, however. In the early 1950's Leica introduced the collapsible Summicron, which made use of air spaces shaped like elements, in between the glass ones. These virtual "air elements" added additional correction without adding more glass.

Now that Dr. Guth has shown that everything is really nothing (he received the Benjamin Franklin award last year, and is considered to be in line for the Nobel prize for this work), Leica will carry the principle to its logical conclusion: NO GLASS AT ALL. The new lenses will be divided into "air zones" by infinitely thin membranes of a new space-age material. Leica isn't saying what this stuff is, but it's rumored they got it from NASA. At any rate, the membranes will define the surfaces of what were formerly the elements of our current lenses, which will soon be obsolete. In effect, the membranes actually separate zones of various different air samples, having differing refractive indices. A little Russian air, a little French air (the can-can, let's say) some Colorado air, and so on.

The best part is that since the membranes will be infinitely thin (or, as my old Calculus prof would say, their thickness will be allowed to approach zero without limit), they don't really need to be there at all. That's right. There is NOTHING in the lens, bringing it into line with Dr. Guth's results.

The result is a lens of astounding clarity and NO flare whatsoever. What's more, it will never need cleaning or recementing. The initial cost will be rather high, mostly on account of the R&D involved, plus the exacting manufacturing tolerances.

This lens will quickly obsolete all existing lenses. If you don't want your expensive Leica lenses to expire worthless, like an old stock option, for a limited time I will be happy to take selected Leica lenses, like the 75mm Summilux, the Noctilux, and any Asphericals, off your hands at unheard-of prices. This offer expires today, March 31, at midnight.

Oh, it's April 1? Already?

-- Bob Fleischman (RFXMAIL@prodigy.net), April 01, 2002

Answers

riiggggggghhhhhhhhhhttttttttttttt

-- Alfie Wang (leica_phile@hotmail.com), April 01, 2002.

Dr. Guth -- Chief Dissembler and Bottle Washer

-- Mike Barber (hax@htc.net), April 02, 2002.

What? Dr. Ruth? The masterbation will not make you go blind Dr. Ruth?

-- ray tai (razerx@netvigator.com), April 02, 2002.

Actually, Jeff Spirer has been testing out one of those lenses for a while now. He seems to love it, but contrary to the factory reports, it is still subject to flare.

-- Mike Dixon (mike@mikedixonphotography.com), April 02, 2002.

Let's hope that there is no Mexican City air, otherwise the lenses would be foggy from the start ! Moreover: Air is still not 'nothing', I am awaiting the first vacuum lens soon ;-)

-- Kai Blanke (kai.blanke@iname.com), April 02, 2002.

Ya! und da lens vill be auto focus mit de inclooson of an upperflexaleting mobilating oscilator

-- Andy Wagner (awagner@midwest-express.com), April 02, 2002.

Mike, if Jeff is having flare problems, he's probably using a UVa filter. This is completely unecessary with this model. It doesn't improve the performance of this lens at all.

Andy: you obviously understand the principles of this lens as few ever have.

-- Bob Fleischman (RFXMAIL@prodigy.net), April 02, 2002.

Hi Folks All I can add ,how about a little hot air . Cheers

-- Manfred Feuser (Canfred1@bigpond.com), April 05, 2002.

I have been ßeta testing the lens. I got Frans Henricke at R&D to inject nitrous oxide into the centre air element. The results were extrodinary. I took photos with only moonlight available, hand-held at 500th of a second. Unbelievable. Frans calculated the speed to be equivalent to f0.21. The days of tripods use are completely over. True hand-held available darkness photography is now a reality. As yet they will not release this lens on the market, as it is intended for the US military. In Afganistan it is being used to take recon photos deep down in the caves where light is minimal, almost non-existent.

-- sparkie (sparkie@mailcity.com), April 05, 2002.