And not the tacky enormous second marriage kind. Just a second thread for all our soon to be blushing brides and grooms.

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002

Answers

I used to follow the Grateful Dead. One time a cute little honey saw me and said "There's going to be a wedding over there. You wanna go?" Sure. The happy couple actually looked sober and genuine. I hope they lasted.

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002

Big congratulations to Al and the MOC!

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002

Oh, big big biiiig congratulations to you both! Al & MOC just made my day with their good news. Yay!

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002

Congratulations Al!

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002

Whooohoo! Congrats Al and Chris! I'm so excited for you guys. :)

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2002

I have nothing useful to contribute to the thread, but congratulations Al and MOC! Yay!

-- Anonymous, March 22, 2002

Aw! Congrats Al and Chris.

-- Anonymous, March 22, 2002

Thanks! Everybody's all excited. Stay tuned for the dramatic and hilarious story of our engagement.

-- Anonymous, March 22, 2002

Congrats, Al...now for the question you will learn to dread...

When's the wedding?

Hee!

-- Anonymous, March 22, 2002

Yayee Allison and MOC. Now you get to think about whether you want to keep your name or become Alison of Cheese. (sorry I couldn't resist, I have the mental age of a 12 year old)

-- Anonymous, March 23, 2002

I bought two wedding organizers this weekend.

One is from the publishers of Victoria Magazine, which I have long loved, and is very nice.

The other is called The Anti-Bride Wedding Orgaznizer.

I cannot decide which one to keep. What does that tell y'all?

-- Anonymous, March 25, 2002

I'm finally back and offering my congrats in the online variety.

Congrats!

-- Anonymous, March 25, 2002

Allison, baby, all you need is a big-ass binder and fancy Avery dividers. You are welcome to use my big-ass fancy-dividered binder as an example. Also, when you have your big-ass binder, make sure to have pocket dividers that you can toss in your work bag, saving you from having to lug the big-ass binder with you to work when you only need one section from the big-ass binder.

-- Anonymous, March 25, 2002

I got one of those big expandable files in a saucy purple, and I tabbed the whole thing with the different sections...quite like what T. did, matter of fact. Those wedding planners don't really help, at least as far as I've found.

-- Anonymous, March 25, 2002

I'm a little concerned that the over-riding theme on the wedding planner is "big ass".

Is the concept of a small wedding just a big lie, perpetrated on us unsuspecting men to make us a little more confident about the whole process?

-- Anonymous, March 25, 2002

I don't think so. I mean, I've known people who had small, lovely weddings, and while I've had my entire wedding mapped out since I was very young, I'd like it to be a fairly simple affair.

But even in planning a simple affair, unless you are planning on eloping to Vegas or visiting City Hall, there are a LOT of decisions to make. Flowers, music, food, etc.- and in fact, I bet, if you're trying to do it small and inexpensively, it takes MORE planning to scout out all those things so they are good and not ridiculously expensive.

-- Anonymous, March 25, 2002

Yeah, I may take both wedding planners back. I love the Anti-Bride one, though. It's so sarcastic.

Is the concept of a small wedding just a big lie, perpetrated on us unsuspecting men to make us a little more confident about the whole process?

No, man, it's going to be small. And there will be a cheese selection and a Rolls Royce and excellent music. That's all I really care about.

-- Anonymous, March 25, 2002

Aww, Al and MOC. It sounds like it will be a fitting celebration of a great relationship. Congratulations to you both!

-- Anonymous, March 25, 2002

Al wrote: "There will be a cheese selection and a Rolls Royce and excellent music."

And that's how we all knew the bride was a woman of discerning taste. Congratulations to both of you!

-- Anonymous, March 25, 2002

So. I'm still waiting to hear the engagement story.

You know, hint, hint. ;)

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

little a, I will try to tell it ASAP on HYD. Poor Chris. I was nearly thwarting him at every turn.

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

So, who we got? T, Jessamyn, Allison, Kim, Leigha. . . Am I forgetting anyone?

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

Me, too, H. My Mom called on Sunday to say that she found a venue for the party: a really nice restaurant she & my Dad have eaten at, so they know the food is top-notch. They're closed on Sundays, so we get the whole place to our celebrating selves, and they're being really accomodating about bringing in our own cake and DJ and stuff. Yay! I'm going home in May for my best friend's shower, so I'll spend a few extra days there doing registry stuff.

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

Catherine and Jessamyn. And I should pimp Violet and Esperanca, both of whom are cool engaged ladies who should post here.

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

Duh. H said Jessamyn. Well, Jessamyn is well remembered.

I want to swear we have more engaged people running around here.

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

Er, I'm engaged, but I don't post here all that often.

Anyway, just wanted to throw in another vote for wanting to hear the engagement story ASAP. Ironically, I don't even remember a whole lot about what happened when I got engaged- what's up with that?

I think I want that anti-bride manual, assuming that I don't elope. There's also one about "What No One Tells The Bride" (author's name is Marg something?) that I saw on Amazon that looks very promising...

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

So ... um ... can I join the conversation? 'Cause I got engaged on Friday.

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

Yay! Congrats again Mike. So, so happy for you.

And Sophie, I almost put you and then I wasn't sure, and how embarrassing would it have been if you weren't?

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

congrats, mike. so, want to share how you asked? i love these stories...and i think i love them even more coming from a guy... the asker, if you will. was she surprised?

i always make my fiance tell the story. i like how our stories are a little bit different.

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

Aw man. When I was tallying up the fiancées earlier I thought of adding, "And Berman may be signing up soon," but thought better of it. But yay! Mazel tov, Berman. And think -- you don't even have to worry about tux rental!

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

Partner and I became engaged in August, but no wedding planning.

Although, since I did receive the Bridal Issue of Elle along with my last month's Elle Decor, I've been having other thoughts. Big white dress thoughts and big white cake thoughts.

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

What??? Mike????? I need the details, now. Congratulations.

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

Jennifer wrote: "I think I want that anti-bride manual, assuming that I don't elope. There's also one about 'What No One Tells The Bride' (author's name is Marg something?) that I saw on Amazon that looks very promising..."

Jennifer, I have that (it's by Marg Stark). The book is useful, but it's less about weddings and brides, and more about what to expect once you're married. The chapters on managing your families, having money arguments and reconciling whatever you thought about marriage against the reality are quite helpful.

The anti-bride wedding planning book I recomend is Weddings for Grown-Ups, by Carroll Stoner. It's not a how-to guide, but rather, a handy little stylebook that provides idea while reassuring you that it's okay to want a day that's not Wedding In A Can.

And -- a big, global "best wishes" to all the affianced women on the boards and a "congratulations" to the men.

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

And -- a big, global "best wishes" to all the affianced women on the boards and a "congratulations" to the men.

Hee! I think I'm just going to keep saying "mazel tov" (it's not as if Mike was out there trolling for a wife at every UM home game, after all) until someone well-versed in Jewish etiquette (Sophie?) tells me otherwise.

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

I just wanted to say WOOHOO!! (see how I neatly step around the whole issue of whether or not to say congrats to the bride to be? I'm so tricky!) to Allison and Mike and all the newly engaged folks! What wonderful news!

I've been in sort of a non-wedding-y phase for the past month or so, but today my wedding dress arrived at home (it was shipped from the bridal shop in Cincinnati where I bought it), and I signed a contract with a photographer that I'm excited about (a friend of a friend who started her own photography business a year or so ago who's very cool and a great photographer who I'll feel comfortable with), and Geoff made us an appointment to go cake tasting at our favorite bakery on April 13th! So now I'm more excited again. :)

And to those of you who haven't yet - tell your engagement stories, please! I can't wait to hear them!

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

ok, i'll take the plunge and go first. let me just say i was VERY surprised. totally caught me off guard.

i got to the SO's apartment after work (about 6 pm) on friday (feb. 22)(after getting pulled over on the way, so that gives you an idea of my mindset! a little frazzled and relatively pissed off to have gotten a ticket!) to find a note taped to his door, telling me to come in and follow the directions. once i got inside, there were 3 dozen roses and candles on the dining room table. it was all dark, the cd players was playing "our song" (true companion by marc cohn), and he was no where to be found. in front of the roses was a present with an "open me" note on it. i opened the present to find an antique silver bell and another note. the note was sweet, and the ending said, "if you love me and want to spend the rest of your life with me, close your eyes and ring the bell."

so i rang the bell and he appeared from hiding (in the bathroom!), took a knee, and asked me to marry him.

and the rest is history, as they say.

we went to dinner afterwards as previously planned, without telling anyone. so cool that we had a little secret for awhile. he flew to cleveland to see my dad a week before he asked me, which i thought was completely cool. loved that. that actually made me cry more than the prosposal.

so that's it! the past month or so has been a complete blur.

i told you mine...now tell me yours!

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

That story is incredibly sweet! How cool!

My story is a little more bumbling - like me! The short version is that it was Christmas Day evening, a few hours after my Mom and Grandpa (who'd been at our apartment for Christmas) had left, and I was sitting on the bed watching tv, when Geoff came in and handed me something that looked suspiciously like a box that would hold a ring. At that point I thought he might not be going to ASK, so I sort of freaked out and started saying, "what are you doing? what are you doing? you can't just hand me that!" He did get down on his knees, though, and ask. And then...I looked deep into his eyes, smiled, teared up a little, opened my mouth, and said, "I guess." Ha! I made him ask me a couple more times until I actually was able to make the word "yes" come out of my mouth. I'm a dork.

I tell a somewhat longer version in my journal, in case you're interested - the entry is here: http://jessamyn.diary- x.com/journal.cgi?entry=20011227.

So have you set a date yet, Kim? We're getting married in mid- November. It seems fairly far away, but then I remember 3 months have already gone by since the engagement, and that makes it seems frighteningly close!

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

Actually, Lisa, that's exactly why I want that book. I can use all the help on managing families and money and reconciling right now, even. (I wonder if they have anything on having to move? I could use that right this minute...) I want to go by Borders when I get off of work and go look for it again, but they said it was "coming soon" last time.

As for actual wedding planning, the entire idea of doing that scares me no end. It's all so monumentally overwhelming, especially when you don't have so much in the way of money. I'm not even going to worry about that for ages yet, since it's going to be a long engagement and I still have to get a permanent job and decide what the hell I'm going to do about moving (we were both thinking about moving to another town sometime in 2003, but now it's looking like I'll have to move to his town before I'm quite ready to leave this one, and I'm freaking) and we need to find him another place to live that'll take his dog and getting a car would be helpful... In other words, wedding planning is way low on the scale of Stuff To Take Care Of First here. Hence why eloping looks so damn good.

As for the proposal story... um, there's not a lot I can say. I apparently tend to blank out on details when I'm in shock, and suffice it to say I was very surprised! I'd had a very vague idea that he was thinking about it, but I figured he was thinking about it for like, years from now or something. Anyway, we'd been flipping through his photo album and talking about families and stuff like that one night, and he came out with it. Whoa. I'm still getting used to the idea, in case you couldn't tell.

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

november? i'm jealous! we're not until june 2003. long story. the short of it is: the wedding is in cleveland and the weather sucks up there. so june seemed like a safe weather month!

i'm so ready to do the "fun" stuff, like shop for a dress! i've finished all the big things like getting the church and reception hall etc, so now i just need to be patient.

i'm sure you've heard this a dozen times before, but november will be here before you know it! how exciting! and great proposal story! how sweet and unexpected!

what does your dress look like? do you have any "must-haves"?

here's what i'm obsessed with right now: i heard they had fish bowls and/or fish in the floral centerpieces at the governor's ball, and think that's a pretty cool idea. something different, you know? anyone have any info on that? i'm trying to figure out how the little fishies can swim amongst the flower stems? or am i crazy to think that they can?

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

H, you were totally right to be circumspect. Thanks for thinking of my feelings!

WG, I think "Mazel Tov!" is an all-occasions, gender-neutral way to say "congratulations" and "best wishes" and "yay!" all in one go. (Ok, yes, it is - I just checked The Joys of Yiddish to confirm. I posted about it in the etiquette thread, too.)

Clearly, I have put myself horribly far out of the loop by not subscribing to Berman's notify list. I didn't even realize that there was a lucky lady out there! I don't feel qualified to demand the story, but I sure would love to read it, should he feel moved to post it.

Mine can be found here and a description of the ring here (just scroll down a little bit to read it if you aren't keen on reading about my encounters with strange men on public transit).

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

Kim, we did a fish thing for Pref Night every year during Rush- we would have the tables arranged in a rectangle, put tarp down in the center and attached to the ends (covered up, of course) and fill with water, add goldfish, and floating plants. It's easier than it seems like it would be, and it was always super impressive looking.

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

Jennifer -- the woman who wrote the book married a career Naval officer, so moving is covered in the book, big-time. I'd say this book is perfect for you. One about marriage, one about planning the wedding, a message board full of nuptial mavens ... you're set!

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

I'm sure November will be here before I know it! But I'm dieting, to try to stretch out the time. (Ha! Just a joke. Well, not the dieting part. I am dieting. Or the stretching out the time part, cause the hours pass slowly when they're food-less.)

Ooh, my dress, I would love to show you what my dress looks like! You can see it at alfred angelo's website (www.alfredangelo.com) - click on Bridal (along the top), then Bridals 2002, then go to page 2, and it's #1555. You can't see it too well in the picture, but there's really pretty beading on the skirt and on the neckline and tank straps. I know, I know, it's sleeveless, and the wedding is in November (and in Chicago, so you can tell I'm just foolhardily ignoring the likelihood of crappy weather!), but it was my favorite dress! I didn't mean to buy it so early on, actually. It just sort of happened that way!

I'm getting a little excited about tasting wedding cakes. Mmmmm....

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

Kim - someone gave my mom a fish/plant thing for her birthday (or something) and it lived for quite awhile. I think that's a really cool idea. And for only being engaged for a month, you've gotten a lot done!

(And in case anyone was wondering, Kim [kimi in the journal] is my best friend from college. And no, I'm not freaking out over my two best friends being engaged. No, not at all, why would you ask?)

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

Jessamyn's dress, if my HTML is right.

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

I think I've told this somewhere on this forum, but what the hell. It's worth telling again.

Mike and I had been discussing getting engaged, but I didn't think it was going to happen until March, due to money and other factors, so I was completely shocked. Mike took a friend of mine ring shopping with him and picked out the perfect ring. We flew to St. Louis for Christmas, and Mike had the ring in his carry on bag. He was terrified that they were going to go through his bag at security and pull the ring out, ruining the surprise.

On Christmas morning, we got up bright and early. His family takes turns opening presents, and Mike was in charge of handing them out. I had one large present left, and I didn't notice it at the time, but the whole family got really quiet while I opened it. Inside was another wrapped present with a note on it, part of a love poem that he'd found. And after I opened the next box....there was another, with another part of the poem. And then another. And another. And finally, I got to a little wrapped box, which I thought was earrings, because I'd asked for little diamond earrings for Christmas. Instead, I opened the box to find a diamond solitare with the last line of the poem (which read "I Love You") wrapped around the ring. Mike got down on one knee in the middle of his parent's living room and asked me to marry him. I couldn't even speak, I was so surprised.

Our wedding is almost exactly a year away (March 29, 2003). I told him that I should get a pre-anniversary present this year. He just rolled his eyes.

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

Hi, all! We're in the 90 day countdown, folks. Less than 90 days and about 245 things on my "To Do" list. I'm down in Lebanon now, but will be in Columbus all next week doing wedding related things. I'm not panicked yet, but ask me again in about 30 days. We've been taking ballroom dance lessons and have decided to waltz to Moon River as our first dance. All seems to be going smoothly...bridesmaids dresses' are in and my dress is on its way. We bought our airline tickets to Italy for the honeymoon today. Now I just have to remember to get my passport renewed. Gah! Sooooo many things.

I started an online journal and I've been writing about some of the wedding things there if you want to check it out. http://catherines.diaryland.com

By the way, congratulations to all the newly engaged. I've really been enjoying reading Jessamyn's journal and I'm thrilled to hear of Allison and Chris' bethrothal. Congrats all!

-- Anonymous, March 26, 2002

Fresh Hell Kim is also engaged, by the way.

-- Anonymous, March 27, 2002

Uh, I'm getting married in a little more than eight weeks.

I don't want to talk about it.

-- Anonymous, March 27, 2002

Butting my already-married self in here to say if you do the fishes as centerpiece thing PLEASE make sure you've arranged for all of them to be taken home and cared for straight from the reception. Because when I got married all the web sites were full of these horror stories about brides who did the fighting fish centerpieces and didn't think of it and the little guys just go left at the venue and presumably thrown away.

-- Anonymous, March 27, 2002

I too am in the 90 day countdown mode. Except I'm in Tashkent and my future mother-in-law is making all the arrangements, aided by my mom and a number of intrepid friends. Wish me luck!

-- Anonymous, March 28, 2002

This is brilliant.

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2002

ok, that krispy kreme thing is the best. seriously! except now i'm hungry.

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2002

And now we know that T's real name is Amanda Albright...

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2002

I was thinking about rings and such and remembered two beautiful sets at signals.com. One set is engraved with the phrase "A ma vie de coer entier," which means "You have my whole heart for my whole life." The other set has the phrase "I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine" engraved in Hebrew. The link is wonky, but try going to signals.com, then Wardrobe Complements and you should see the rings.

-- Anonymous, April 04, 2002

Ring still beautiful.

Just booked the church.

Commencing to freak out.

-- Anonymous, April 08, 2002

Oooh. I now want that one about the entire heart.

As for wedding planning, I'm seriously considering just eloping, but I suspect my mother (when she finds out) will disagree with that.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2002

Ok, people. HYD has been updated with the engagement story.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2002

I just got done reading it. *sniff* What a great story! MOC, you get points for both creativity AND craftiness! The scrapbook sounds so cool and of course you'll consider it priceless as you look at it when you're old and gray together.

And the RING!!! It's GORGEOUS! I have always been partial to pearls (my real name means pearl), and that one is absolutely beautiful. Congratulations again to you both.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2002

That is just about the sweetest thing ever.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2002

We all knew that if MOC did the proposing, the proposing was done right.

I suspect Mike took his intended to the National Zoo, where a tortoise lumbered up to them with a jewel box balanced on his back. Before the intended could react, Mike was down on one knee, saying, "Marry the Turtle."

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2002

And that ring is lovely -- almost hypnotic.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2002

Goddamnit, looking at the ring made me teary. It's beautiful, Al.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2002

Oh, Al. What a sweet story. The MOC did good. I love the ring.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2002

Thanks, everybody. We are very excited. The ring thanks you, too.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2002

Bumping because I believe T has less than a month and Catherine has less than six weeks . . . love to both.

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2002

Awwww...thanks WG. The engagement announcement appeared in our paper on Wednesday (suburban weekly thing, not the big 'ol daily). Invitations went out last week and we already have loads of responses. There appears to be a very good chance someone may actually show up to this thing. I had my first bridal shower last week and had a load of fun. Actually, although my friends did a brilliant job and everything was lovely, I told D when I got home that I realize I am a bit uncomfortable being the center of attention like that. Our other showers are "couples showers" so he'll be with me to share in the spotlight. That's good.

I can't wait for this wedding...actually this whole marriage. It's going to be a good one.

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2002

Catherine, your day does sound like it will be amazing. You'll have to let us know how it all goes! Are you still having your reception in the Shoe? That's going to be so, so cool.

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2002

Yep. The reception's at the Shoe and the red coats will be there to give all interested guests tours of the press box and the recruiting rooms. Let me just say that our choice of reception venue seems to be proportionate to the number of "yes" RSVPs we've been getting. I'm a bit freaked that EVERYONE seems to be coming to this thing. From my cousin in Boston I haven't seen in 10 years to work friends of D's from the wayback period. They're all heading to Columbus and somehow I'm starting to think it's not to see me in a white dress. It's all about the stadium.

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2002

Catherine, I promise that I am coming to the wedding to see you! The reception venue is purely a bonus. By the way... you aren't planning on making us march out on the field and do Script Ohio, are you? :)

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2002

Let's talk Open Bar at the reception. Is it a must, or can I just have wine and champagne and maybe one special holiday drink (our wedding is Dec. 14)?

Because I fear the expense, people. I fear it.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2002

Oh! You could have Poinsettas!

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2002

Oh, an open bar is definitely not a must. I think that beer, wine, maybe a champagne toast, and maybe one specialty drink is a totally appropriate and classy way to go. It is definitely the best way to stay within your budget while still offering your guests an ample choice of libations.

Really, the only tacky thing you can do with a bar is ask your guests to buy their own drinks.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2002

My science will surely blind y'all: I just designed a wedding database. Oh, I know! Step back, MOC, I have just taken the throne as Queen Spreadsheet.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2002

I bought this utterly brilliant book about wedding etiquette, designed for the bride-to-be, at the huge local booksale this week. Written in 1928, updated in 1973. Started reading it last night, highlighting my favorite parts. One that had me rolling:

In the tragic event of a fiance's death before the wedding, the presents must be returned.

However, I am trying to figure out how I made it through one wedding of my own, countless weddings of others, and never knew that the last part to "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue" was "and a lucky sixpence in your shoe".

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2002

My generation (The Old Geezers and Tweezers) never embarked on that journey down the aisle without the lucky penny in their shoe. In 1928, when that book was written, a penny was worth something. In 1970, when I married Bill Lowe, my mother made me do it. It hurt like hell walking all that way with it in my shoe but it must have worked. We got lucky when we had Al.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2002

My mother got me an actual English sixpence to put in my shoe. She was really into the whole wedding thing.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2002

The store where I bought my wedding gown gave me a sixpence for my shoe. I need to make sure not to forget it in two weeks.

Holy shit! Two weeks! Crazy stuff, y'all.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2002

Six months for me. To the day.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2002

OK, y'all are going to think I am so stupid. But, listen.

I was wandering around Rich's one day and saw this fine china pattern and was instantly drawn to it. This was way before the MOC and I got engaged, but later on down the line, we were in the store together and I showed it to him, and he loved it, too.

Here's the thing, I don't think anyone else is going to like it. I showed it to JoLo and her reception was lukewarm, at best.

Now, I expect the response from the MATHletes to be "What?! Just get what you want! Screw what other people think!" And I agree wholeheartedly with that sentiment.

But everytime I look at it, I still like it just as much, but it strikes fear in me that when people go to buy something for me off my registry, they're going to go "Oh... well... how... interesting..." and snicker in that "Bless her heart" kind of way. And you know why I am afraid of this, people? Because that's what I do.

Many times when I have been to purchase a wedding gift, I have seen the china selection and been all "I cannot believe they picked this!"

And now, karma is returning my attitude to me full-force, because I just know that's what everyone is going to say about this china pattern, because it is neither romantic or frilly, sweet or flowery, and only the most anglophilic buyer would consider it "elegant." However, it is fine china, and I do love it. So, y'all say. What is a girl to do?

Also, go look at it. It's here, called Audun. I can envision us eating many a Thanksgiving meal off it for years to come.

By the way, our "every day" is Fiesta Ware, which I will love until the day I die.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2002

Which one is it? Audun Chasse, Fleur, Ferme, or Promenade? Because I like one of them, and not really so much the others, but I ain't telling you which one yet.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2002

You suck.

It's sort of all of them, you know. You can mix them up. I like some of them better than others and would only get a few pieces of the busy ones. But, a huge porcelain serving platter with a sheep scene on it? Oh, you bet your ass I'm having that.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2002

I don't think anyone wants to deny you a sheep scene serving platter. I certainly wouldn't!

I like the less busy ones, with the wide band of yellow and just one scene, you know what I'm talking about? It kind of reminds me of toile. But my china is so plain it might as well just be all white. I think you had seen it before.

Why don't you just go ahead and get it, then? I think it's very cool, and you can cordially invite naysayers to suck old Buck.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2002

No matter what you choose, tons of people won't like it, so just get whatever makes you excited - what a bonus that you both love it! China is just one of those things that is way too personal to pick out for another, and part of the fun of buying wedding gifts is getting to see what other people are choosing, especially when it's bold and personal.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2002

It kind of reminds me of toile

Which is what I like about it. But I could only see the Ferme and that was very tiny, even when I clicked on it.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2002

It kind of reminds me of toile

Which is what I also like about it, but the other patterns (which you can see by clicking mix & match) do not have nearly that much stuff going on, and it all compliments very well, in a pastoral kind of way.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2002

Al, I think it is lovely and will also make for nice dinner conversation. You just might want to steer away from serving lamb on the sheep platter...too redundant.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2002

Good idea, Dawn. (Though I would never serve lamb anyway, because that would make me cry. However, I would serve a hamburger on a plate showing a cow.)

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2002

I am 100% behind you there. I, too, would serve hamburger on a cow plate but I would never serve veal on a cow plate. But then again, I would never serve lamb or veal...because they both make me cry.

Anyway, I think that you and the MOC should go for it and register for the china. I think it is great that both of you love it and it is so unique, how could you go wrong? The mix and match aspect of it is pretty unlimited. I am even envisioning you finding non-shiny sterling plate chargers which would look really nice with the black/gray of the images.

As a side note, what are Poinsettias (the drink) that Hannah mentioned in her post a couple of days ago? The Yankee in me is dying to know.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2002

Poinsettas - An Ex's mom made them for a Christmas dinner party. (And she's a Yankee, so never fear.)

Champagne, cranberry and triple sec. I'm almost certain.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2002

They sound like an excellent party drink...what type of glass are they supposed to be served in...a champagne flute?

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2002

Uh, I believe that on New Year's Eve, we served them in plastic go- cups.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2002

I love that china - really love it. Feel free to invite me over to dine from it. :) And chiming in with the rest, it also reminds me of toile, which I love.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 2002

"Uh, I believe that on New Year's Eve, we served them in plastic go- cups."

And THAT, is why I just love you guys.

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2002

Allison, I really love the pattern too, especially its mix-and-match capabilities. I also say pah! to the worry about what those looking at your registry might think!

Now, I do have to offer one caveat. One of my godparents' daughters fell in love with this gorgeous Bernardaud pattern, in an elaborate gold-on-red design that evoked French palaces, or Chinese temples, with patterns and filigrees and complementary accessories.

Three years later, she still loves the pattern itself, but talks all the time about how she is pretty weary of it, because it's such a commitment. She wishes now that she had gone with a pattern that had less of a pattern, and one instead that could be more of a canvas for what she wanted to do with her table on a particular occasion. The Bernardaud has dictated what sort of flowers she can use as centerpiece, what cloths she can put on the table, what sort of silver and crystal she must always use, and even sometimes what food she can or can't serve.

Granted, she is a fastidious hostess -- maybe to a fault, if such a thing can be said. But, I do see her point about wishing she'd gone with a simpler pattern that would allow her to vary her table with chargers, napkins, flowers, runners, crystal and the like... rather than be committed to looking at the exact same red-and-gold Bernardaud table for the next fifty years.

-- Anonymous, May 12, 2002

People still register for china? I didn't even know that. It never crossed my mind to register for a set of china; I'm still living off my college dishes. They were $15 for 4 place settings, and I haven't broken a one of them. But now that you guys are discussing it, I think that I might have to register for this awesome china set that I saw the other day....

-- Anonymous, May 13, 2002

Oh, sweet Leigh, register for china! When else in your life can you?

We registered for fine china and an everyday pattern. We ADORE our fine china - Val de Loire Or from Haviland (Val de Loire, but with an exquisite gold band). Our everyday is Colosseum by Wedgewood - it's the plain white china with a pattern on the border. Very simple and nice. We like that our everyday is nice enough to use with our sterling (Impero by Wallace) and our crystal (Lismore by Waterford), so we have options.

Seriously, I cannot wait to get everything together and get a dining room table and set that table. I can't imagine not registering for fine china. In fact, if I could only register for fine or everyday, I'd register for the fine china. And, I will USE that china every chance I get. If it's too good to use, then it's too good to have.

-- Anonymous, May 13, 2002

How much do I love Wedgwood? And how much do I love T for picking Lismore? Because, you can always get all the pieces of Lismore... you just never have to worry that it will be discontinued and you will be 40 and down to three wine glasses that you can't replace.

-- Anonymous, May 13, 2002

Do you love me for picking Lismore, too? Because I think everyone that picks Lismore should be loved. It's my favorite ever.

What silver did you pick, T? I have Fairfax, and my biggest wish is that I find an entire set monogrammed with "C," and also that I had a gazillion dollars with which to purchase it.

-- Anonymous, May 13, 2002

The MOC and I did not register for silver, as I inherited a set from my father who had inherited it from his Aunt Septimus. We did, however, register for some Mikasa sterling. It is very pretty in a slightly modernized classic sort of way. Also, it goes well with the stemware we chose.

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2002

Man, you guys REALLY got into the registering, didn't you? I'm finding all kinds of holes in my registry just by reading this thread. I think we registered for some kitchen cannisters, a couple of towels and a clock.

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2002

Here's a question:

I want to give out-of-town guests a welcome package. They will all be staying in one hotel, and I can leave the packages at the front desk for when they check in. What should we put in the package? I don't want to go crazy with work, but I want to be nice.

While this forum is solvign all my problems - are peonies in season in June?

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

We're doing out of town bags for guests and we're including bottled water, individual packages of Pepperidge Farms cookies, a small bottle of Bath and Body Works lotion, a votive candle, biscotti, a little package of cheese and crackers, a disposible camera and a packet from the Columbus Visitors Bureau about things to do around town. Stuff like that.

I think the gift bags or baskets are a nice touch for people driving or flying in from out of town. We're including a personal note from us thanking them for making the effort to be there.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

The out-of-town gift bag/basket is such a nice idea, I think.

When a friend of ours got married in October in Pensacola, she included and RC Cola and a Moon-Pie in hers. We laughed and laughed.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

We're doing gift bags at the three hotels where we have rooms blocked - anyone who made a reservation at a different hotel is SOL, as far as the goodie bags are concerned.

We're including bottled water, maps of New Orleans, info from the CVB, fleur-di-lis cookies, Elmer's Chee Whees (a local delicacy), and maybe tiny bottles of Tabasco. We'll also have maps to the ceremony and the reception in there, as well as a thank-you note.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

I can tell you right now that I would not be able to coordinate the gift bags, in and of themselves, without having to do anything else for a wedding, and stay sane.

WG skitters off to check porn once again.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

True story (not so much of horror, but just something to be aware of):

The day before her wedding, my friend Karly and her MOH Candace drove over to the Stephen F. (location of the reception and the OOT guests) to drop off the gift baskets. This had been pre-arranged with the hotel's catering director; it should have been a no-brainer. When they arrived, the tarty little snit at reception took all the baskets, then told the girls that she would be charging them $X per basket to put them in the rooms.

Karly calmly explained that no such thing would be happening, since the catering director and the GM had been consulting on her wedding, and both let her know that the hotel staff would place the baskets gratis, since her parents were spending an exorbitant sum there already.

Tarty Snit says "Well, I don't know anything about that, and neither of them are on premises at the moment, so your choices are: I charge you for the labor, you place them yourselves, or I can just hand one to someone that checks into your room block."

Needless to say, Karly was mortified at option 3 and didn't have time for option 2, so she ended up going with paying. She got hold of the catering director (by the lapels, I'm sure) the next morning and had the whole thing straightened out, and I wonder a bit whether Tarty is still employed in reception there...

but it does go to show... at the last minute, even the most minor of details can SNAFU and cause unneeded stress.

(what galls me most: this was a Hotel Intercontinental, folks. Who could have ever imagined?...)

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

I didn't do these for my wedding, but I did host my girlfriend's 'Girl's Weekend' in Chicago last August, and did hotel gift boxes for that, since everyone flew in and stayed at the same hotel.

I bought translucent chinese takeout containers and filled them with stuff I thought people would like, forget to bring, and was Chicago themed - power bars, mints, shotglasses that had 'Chicago' written on them and pens that had the same, as a funny/tacky present, candy kisses and Frango mints (A Chicago thing), and these mini seed kits for little white flowers. There were little scented candles poured into star shaped candle holders (Since the guests were Canadian, I wanted something 'American' in there), tins of mints from Victoria's Secret and Kate Spade, and explicit directions on how to get to Tiffany, written on a card that had a sample of Sheer Tiffany attached to it, because we like to refer to Tiffany as simply, The Mothership.

Obviously, these were more humourous than I would have done for an actual wedding, but you can't go wrong with local goodies, anything thoughtful, and anything that reminds people of why they have gathered.

These containers were great, by the way - with a little bridal tulle wrapped around the handle, and some ribbon, they looked much better than they should have, considering how cheap they were to make!

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

Oh Crap! I mixed up my html with UBB code. Sorry!

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

off-topic, can I spend a moment bringing up my love for the Frango mint? I've never been to Chicago... I thought they were a Seattle / Portland thing. I didn't know the Bon Marche was in other places. lurrrrrv them.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

Does the Bon Marche sell Frangos? I thought they were just a Chicago Thing, from Marshall Fields.

They have strawberrry shortcake Frangos now. MMMMMmmmmmmmmmm.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2002

Oh my gawd, Al, Audun is one of my pattern picks, too! I love Villeroy & Boch. The other pattern I really like by them is Casa Azul.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2002

I need comfort. You may recall from the wedding etiquette forum that I hadn't seen my wedding invitations, even though they've all been mailed.

Well, I've seen them now and I hate them. Please tell me it doesn't matter.

-- Anonymous, May 20, 2002

It doesn't matter :)

All that matters at the end of the day is the time you spend standing there with your intended, promising to love them until you die. The rest is just fluff to keep your mind off the incredible commitment you are about to make.

-- Anonymous, May 20, 2002

Violet, it doesn't matter. At ALL. It's just a piece of over-priced paper.

-- Anonymous, May 20, 2002

I agree about the invitations. I'm sure this is a massive etiquette problem, y'all, but my best friend and I are *making* her wedding invitations. She didn't have the cash to pay herself, since she has no family. Trust me, they'll be ugly. But she doesn't care. Because it is just a piece of paper, more likely to inspire the reaction "OH MY GOD! So-and-so are getting married! Remember the time they...."

It's not about the invitations. It's about you guys. Don't sweat the ugly invites. Besides, to each his own. Everyone else might think they're fantastic.

-- Anonymous, May 20, 2002

Actually, I have two friends who handmade their wedding invitations, and they were lovely. It's a good idea to troll the idea books of the expensive stationers and see what ideas and techniques you can rip off. Handmade does not eaqual ugly. As long as you're a little creative and you have access to a laser printer, you're good to go.

-- Anonymous, May 20, 2002

Jess, I think that is so lovely, that your friend is doing all the invitations by hand. The effort says a lot about how important the guests and the wedding are to her. I've never, ever gotten a handmade invitation to a wedding.

-- Anonymous, May 20, 2002

There aren't that many of them - about 30. Liz is doing what she can afford, which I think is ultimately so much better. Homemade food, no bridesmaids, no groomsmen, mostly friends due to aforementioned lack of family, and the wedding is going to be in the rabbi's study. A couple of us are chipping in to get her a photographer, since she thought that was a waste of money. I hope that's a decent surprise - that she doesn't just think it's stupid. I think I'm more worried about all of this than she is.

-- Anonymous, May 20, 2002

I could be wrong, but isn't a handwritten letter the most proper invitation of all? Did I imagine that somewhere? If you're only inviting 30, especially, I think personal notes would be so sweet.

-- Anonymous, May 20, 2002

Thanks. And you're right, of course. I may have been losing perspective just a little bit.

And I too have read that a handwritten letter is the most correct invitation of all.

-- Anonymous, May 21, 2002

Jessa, that sounds like a wonderful event your friend will experience. I used to joke with Chris about just going down to the courthouse and having it be just us. Somehow, though, I was brainwashed by the Mighty Wedding Industry and now we're having a wedding and reception with tons of people. How did that happen?

I think you and your friends are so sweet to get a photographer. She will be glad you did, even if she tries to say it was an extravagance.

-- Anonymous, May 21, 2002

Al, y'all have me well on my way to brainwashing. I think yours is going to be amazing though. Why not have a big wedding and reception? It's been a hard year. If it makes you happy, that's what's important.

I wanna get married!...Of course, first I'd probably have to date.

-- Anonymous, May 21, 2002

Somehow, though, I was brainwashed by the Mighty Wedding Industry and now we're having a wedding and reception with tons of people.

Well, it's all about celebrating the big day with people who love you and the MOC, I think. The fact that T and Catherine have remained so calm speaks well for big-wedding-planning. (Or for T and Catherine.)

I do suspect that all the Bridezillas give a bad name to wedding planning; we're all hanging out here in the wedding threads because it's fun. You get to basically throw this huge party for yourselves, and as much of a hassle it can be sometimes, in the end it's all about fun and celebration and family and love.

I know I live vicariously through all the brides on this thread because the idea of being married -- not the idea of having a wedding, dressing up, etc. -- has its appeal (some days more than others). But also a wedding gives you an excuse to just be happy about being with somebody. It's not like every day you can say, "Hey, look at this fantastic person whom I somehow convinced to stick around! Ain't I lucky?" without prompting mass eye-rolling.

If that makes sense.

-- Anonymous, May 21, 2002

I wanna get married!...Of course, first I'd probably have to date.

Jessa, if you'd like, you and your 87 cats can hang out with me and my 87 cats and we can be "knitting buddies." I think it some states that requires us to wear crazy hats, but I'm up for it if you are.

-- Anonymous, May 21, 2002

I have a natural aversion to hats. And I am allergic to cats. But hey, that's what allergy shots are for. Sign me up! Can we be in the South and have a wrap-around porch? 'Cause being a spinster in the North means you have to become a schoolmarm and wear black dresses with big brooches and severe necklines.

I haven't heard about the dresses in awhile, ladies. Anything new on that front to report?

-- Anonymous, May 21, 2002

Y'all could always have a Boston marriage. I'd come to that wedding.

-- Anonymous, May 21, 2002

Ah, dresses.

So it's totally premature, considering I've instated a no proposal or ring until January rule (backing up from my no proposal or ring for a year rule under the influence of a bottle of wine), but I totally want a dress just like the one Audrey Hepburn wears in Funny Face (A movie The Jeff also loves) to wear at our Nixon Library wedding. MATHletes, y'all have plenty of time to help me find it, right?

-- Anonymous, May 21, 2002

Well, there's thi s picture . . .

-- Anonymous, May 21, 2002

My stress free wedding planning just hit a major road block. Trouble, thy name is Alan Ray Bridal Salon. You can read the full story of my currently wayward dress at the end of a longish entry here. http://catherines.diaryland.com

I'm just keeping my fingers crossed and dreaming of/having nightmares about a wedding in jeans and a t-shirt.

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2002

Catherine, I loved your entry. I am so sorry about your Dress Stress, but I am wishing and hoping and praying that it all works out. I'm sure it will and you will be beautiful.

Also, what you said about foot-in-mouth disease as related to wedding conversations was dead on. I was just telling Hannah yesterday about a rant I once had years ago in front of a girl I hardly knew about how exceedingly tacky it was to sing at your own wedding and "oh my God, how awful" and blah blah blah.

Know what she said?

"Well... actually... my husband and I sang to each other at our wedding..."

And I was all "Oh, well... I'm sure it was wonderful... I... uh..."

And she said "Because, you know, he had cancer and had just come out of chemo and we sang this song that had helped him survive it."

Hey, who was tacky in that situation, folks? Yours Truly.

I could have died at my own low-class behavior. Just goes to show, what you learned in Vacation Bible School is just as true in wedding discussions as anywhere else: Judge not, lest ye be judged.

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2002

The most important lesson I learned in Vacation Bible School was that if you take time every day to eat a few of those danish cookies that come in the tins and drink a little kool-ade, everything feels just fine.

So, Al, I retract my advice from the other thread about using orgasm to make you feel like life isn't getting the best of you. Go make some strawberry kool-ade, eat some sugar cookies, and make something pretty with pipe cleaners, glitter, paste, and construction paper. (maybe some wedding invitations? nothing says 'classy' like pipe cleaners) Then sing "I've Got the Joy Joy Joy Joy Down In My Heart".

Back o/t - I got a surprise wedding invitation yesterday to what seems to be a surprise wedding. Suddently, my stepbrother is getting married. I'm thinking that baby booties may be the most appropriate gift.

-- Anonymous, May 23, 2002

Um, Robyn? Thanks. A whole lot.

Sigh.

"I've got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart!
Where? Down in my heart!
WHERE? Down in my heart!"....

-- Anonymous, May 24, 2002

The wedding was gorgeous. Amazing. And T, of course, was a beautiful bride. So tired. Feet hurt.

When Al started singing "Down to the River" I started sobbing and one of T's sisters was like, "I can't feel my legs." Luckily no one tripped walking down the longest aisle in the WORLD.

-- Anonymous, May 27, 2002

Pictures?

-- Anonymous, May 27, 2002

Congratulations T & C ! Can't wait to see pictures and hear the stories...if you need me, I'll be over here patiently waiting.

-- Anonymous, May 28, 2002

I don't even know who has any pictures. It was TOO fun. I mean, seriously. The wedding was so beautiful, I have no words, and all events surrounding the wedding were stunning and joyous.

It's all the stuff that happened outside the confines of the wedding that you really want to hear about. Like the MOC and I accidentally getting drunk at 10:30 Saturday morning and unleashing ourselves on a used bookstore in the Quarter. Who goes to New Orleans and buys a bunch of books? We do.

Some of us had to swear a pact about Sunday night, that it would never be spoken of again. Monday morning, I had to ask how we got home, which ought to tell you a little about how the evening went. It was embarrassing, it was so much fun.

You know that show with the Taxi Cab True Confessions, or whatever it's called? Yeah, you may be seeing me and H on that show sometime. I can't even remember our entire conversation, and I'm glad.

-- Anonymous, May 28, 2002

Awww, yay for T and C! I hope they're having fun in Hawaii.

-- Anonymous, May 28, 2002

I just dropped off my film, so hopefully there will be pictures soon. Of course, since I was IN the wedding I have none of the actual ceremony or the reception, BUT I do have some great before shots so y'all can at least see T's dress and the bridesmaids' dresses. (Which were lovely and very comfortable.)

It was probably the most beautiful wedding I've ever been to, but mostly that's because of how special the ceremony was. From Al's singing to the readings to the fact that the priest actually mentioned the Clermont Lounge. (Also it was T's parents' 28th anniversary and the same priest married them, so when he had them stand up and congratulated them I started crying all over again.) And you could just see the joy on T and C's faces. They both glowed. Which really is what it's all about, right?

I'll post the link when I update.

Oh, and yeah, I'm pretty sure the MOC was glad he was in the front seat as I was telling this story on the drive home. He won't be incriminated when Al and I surely end up on video.

-- Anonymous, May 28, 2002

Okay, I updated...

http://www.hannahbeth.com/2002/May02/052802.htm

I get my photos back tomorrow.

-- Anonymous, May 29, 2002

Here's Hannah's entry as a link. Lord, I got tired just reading it.

-- Anonymous, May 29, 2002

ok, i am dying for pictures!! hannah, please say you'll post them when you get them??!!

-- Anonymous, May 29, 2002

Thank you so much for the wedding, etc. details, Hannah. It sounds as if it was crazy fun as well as poignant - one of those life events that you all will reminisce about for many years to come.

I am also hoping that you will post the pictures...it will be nice to have a visual aid to go along with your lovely words.

-- Anonymous, May 30, 2002

I will post photos.

Here's the rest of the weekend, for anyone who's interested.

-- Anonymous, May 30, 2002

Hello Brides!

We hope that "Anti Bride" helps you cut through the red tape, reduce stress, keeps your bank account intact, and helps you celebrate your inner glamour puss. Remember, it's not a planner, rather a point of departure from Martha and Vera. You know better than they do whatcha want.

Good Luck!

Carolyn Gerin and Stephanie Rosenbaum Authors, Anti Bride Guide

-- Anonymous, May 31, 2002

What on earth was that?

-- Anonymous, June 01, 2002

Inside of three weeks now, and stil no dress. Bridal shop dude says it will ship this Friday (the 7th), do we're keeping our fingers crossed that it will be in his shop by the beginning of next week. This one's going to come down to the wire I think. I've been a crabby, crabby girl lately and taking it out on D, the most wonderful man ever, and I think it's because I'm stressed. I go between snapping at him for stupid things like pitching his kleenex towards the wastebasket, not making it, and leaving them there and then I feel super guilty that I'm being such a big bitch, so then I cry. Or maybe it's just PMS.

The wedding will be beautiful, but I am so darn ready for the honeymoon, I can't even tell you.

-- Anonymous, June 03, 2002

What on earth was that?

Jessa, that was a genuine celebrity sighting. Those ladies wrote the wedding organizer I use.

Catherine, you have to keep us updated. Do you have a back-up dress?

-- Anonymous, June 03, 2002