Another chance to make puns

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This story is almost unbelievable! - From Today's Sun.

Trapped by goat hairs in his underpants By ALASTAIR TAYLOR

A CHEF who denied having sex with a nanny goat was trapped after police discovered some of its hairs in his underpants, a court heard yesterday.

Stephen Hall, 23, was seen by a trainload of people romping half-naked with the animal in a field called Paradise Allotments.

Dozens of horrified passengers rang 999 on their mobile phones — jamming police switchboards. And two fuming passers-by carried out a citizen’s arrest on Hall as cops dashed to the scene.

But randy Hall originally denied the offence — until police experts found samples of goat hair in his underwear.

He finally confessed all and pleaded guilty to buggery with the goat at Hull Crown Court in East Yorkshire.

But yesterday judge Michael Mettyear was left baffled when gay Hall’s lawyer Chris Dunn suggested his client was given community service and placed on a sex offenders’ programme.

Mr Dunn said the programme should include “victim awareness” — because of the danger that Hall might re-offend.

But Mr Mettyear, who heard the goat was “distressed”, asked for more time to decide sentence.

He said: “I have to tell you I am sceptical that there is ANY programme devised at the moment that will help him.

“He must be punished for what he has done. But at the end of the day a huge amount of shame will hang over him and that shame will be punishment in itself.”

The court heard HIVpositive Hall lassoed the goat with his belt before dropping his boxer shorts.

But as he had sex with the animal, a packed Hull to Bridlington train stopped at signals nearby.

Prosecutor Rebecca Thornton said: “The defendant tried to conceal himself behind some tin sheeting but didn’t stop what he was doing.

“He emerged with his trousers around his ankles. It was all too clear to the witnesses what was happening.

“The defendant was in a crouched and concealed position clearly having penetrative intercourse.

“It seems he was engaged with sexual activity for some ten minutes.”

Hall, of Hull, refused to comment as he left court. Det Insp David Crinnion, of the British Transport Police, said: “This was a serious offence for the goat.

“It was certainly subdued when I saw it.”

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2002

Answers

Animal Passion!

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2002

I know it's not funny at all, but I'll admit to laughing at certain sections of that article.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2002

Laughing?? I am beside myself with laughter. The goat was "distressed" lol, didn't they exchange phone numbers or something or was it the lack of foreplay??

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2002

Hey, it's an easy mistake to make - especially if you're dyslexic. "*anny Goat".

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2002

I liked this quote, "“This was a serious offence for the goat". Obviously! That guy didn't even have the decency to take it to dinner and movie. Probably wouldn't have rung the next day either. The goat should be offended! ;-)

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2002


If he was gay, why wasn't it a billy ? :-{E}

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2002

I wonder if he was a capricorn?

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2002

I see that, in line will other cases of sexual offence, the goat wasn't named.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2002

By the way, if you look at the story on line in today's Sun (www.thesun.co.uk), There's a picture of Stephen Hall and one of a goat (very pretty one too!) with the caption "Subdued ... goat like one in attack". I am still laughing at it!

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2002

Mind, I'd have to be subdued before I was buggered!

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2002


Wasn't it Jay who said there's not much to do in Hull?

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2002

So Hall from Hull climbed up the Hill; Said the goat "It was Hell on the Holl".

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2002

"But Constable, they're not goat hairs - they're Baa-locks!"

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2002

Pilgrim you're displaying an almost unhealthy enthusiasm for this thread. :-)

IMHO, if he gets the horn that bad, for fox sake is he too chicken to go with a prostitite or are prostitutes too deer? He must have felt very sheepish when he was caught. The police are to be commended for their dogged pursuit of the case. I don't know how you make punishment fit the crime but at the very least this man should be horsewhipped and given a long jail sentence to ruminate on his offence.

Or given the cat.

I'll get me - (no, no that would be just too easy that one)

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2002

I knew you wouldn't let me down Jonno! :o))

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2002


They're testing the goat for aids and Stephen for foot and mouth.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2002

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