My very close family freind is in a very abusive relationship. They are not married and have a child together but the child is not in there custody. Lately the relationship has been getting worse. My freind will not prosecute and I wanted to know if there was a law that the state or somebody could step in a prosecute and her behalf.

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2002

Answers

You didn't mention the state but many have some sort of law that can help. Actually check with the state justice department and ask if there are is a domestic violence law or something similar in effect. You need to be careful because the laws are sometimes used in very harmful ways against innocent people. If you are sure of what you are doing, by all means check it out. Ron Montgomery

-- Anonymous, March 24, 2002

Hi, Dawn. Sorry I am so late responding, but I just came across this site. I am not real familiar with US laws, but I am quite sure that charges may not be up to the victim. When a domestic violence situation occurs, I believe that the police have the right and the resposibility to press charges even if the spouse or partner won't. I teach Anger Managagement here in Canada, and I do know that the police here have that right. You do, however, need to have some type of documentation to prove your allegations...especially if the victim is not forthcoming. Do you have any pictures of the physical damage caused? Keep a journal of how often the victim calls for help or shows up at your door. Sometimes, the vitim just needs someone to listen, as it increases thier self-worth as a martyr for staying with such a person. I don't mean that in a negative way, it just is the way it can be sometimes. ie...look at how good I am for sticking with him or her no matter what...Sometimes, a person gets their entire feeling of self-worth out of just such a scenario. Yes, they need asssistance, but until they are ready to recieve it, and possibly make a few changes in their lives, there is not much you can do. you can take on the problem, or you can leave it where it belongs...in their own "toolkit". It can be very difficult when you are the observer, but take it from me, a former, but never again victim, sometimes, they just need to feel like they are of some worth. Check with your, or their, local police office to find out what you, as a non involved party, can do for them. Best wishes...Judy

-- Anonymous, April 05, 2002