HYPERCRATES!greenspun.com : LUSENET : Christian Hypercrates : One Thread
i got my first one when i was twelve, it was blue. i played in it for hours but then broke it on my fourteenth birthday and never got another one. i love them!
-- ethan (email@example.com), March 12, 2002
Yeah, my little niece is the same – she just won’t go to sleep unless her hypercrate is right next to the bed!
But in this country we’ve had a number of media scares about them. (1) The paintwork and/or the orange dye are supposed to be toxic to the under-nines. (2) They harm the social development of children by causing them to play happily by themselves instead of watching junk television, vandalising bus shelters etc. (3) The distinctive five- sided design is alleged to represent a pentagram, making the hypercrate ‘a tool of Satan’.
For this last reason the ‘Christian Hypercrate’ has been developed by a company in Swindon, and it’s really caught on: there’s even a Christian Hypercrate Thanksgiving Service next month in Gloucester Cathedral. And now we have this website as well! They must be so happy in Swindon.
-- Rex (firstname.lastname@example.org), March 13, 2002.
I've heard a rumor that sometimes hypercrates will collapse on themselves taking their contents to another dimension. Does the Christian Hypercrate have a better track record in regards to this (or does it tend to "go to the great beyond" more easily)?
-- 2 (email@example.com), March 13, 2002.
Dear Christian Hypercrates,
We write on behalf of the Agnostic Hypercrate Company Ltd of Swindon, Wilts, UK. We note that your contributor ‘Bazooka Joe’ (which we strongly believe to be an assumed name) alleges that our products sometimes ‘collapse on themselves taking their contents to another dimension.’ He further suggests that Christian hypercrates may be less prone to this malfunction.
Well, I mean to say, really! This is the twenty-first century! Can we not get beyond this outworn superstition? Has no one ever heard of Darwin, George Eliot, Aleister Crowley, Don Cupitt and Richard Holloway? Does anyone seriously believe that any children (apart from the 2,224 listed at www.hypercrates-casualties.com) have come to any harm whatever by playing in our wholesome, non-toxic, utterly harmless (albeit demonic) crates?
I cannot do better than to quote the initiator of this thread, Ethan (whose Black Temple is a major tourist attraction in Askadrunkshire): ‘Yes, sorta but depending on the situation, no.’ Who can say fairer than that?
We must warn you that any further insinuation that Christianity is in any regard superior to agnosticism will be met by the full weight of the law (= Marcello Carlin in a very bad mood). You have been warned.
Love to Trixie, Maisie and the kids,
-- Mexborough, Pilchard & Delirium Ltd (Solicitors & Commissioners of Oaths) (firstname.lastname@example.org), April 08, 2002.
What"law" do the agnostics have? And why would one, non-agnostic, fear it?
-- Erica Tjelta (email@example.com), December 18, 2002.