I went to Lenscrafters to get my glasses changed; I figured, hey, it's been years since I've had an exam, so do that, too. They wanted to check my eye pressure, and I said "yes" to that as well. After all, Stephen ain't getting any younger, and we DO have to worry about things like Glaucoma when we pass that 40 mark ...

Anyway. They asked who I was insured with; I told them and they went into a huddle. Next thing you know, I'm at the air-puff machine. (Never used one of those before; I've always done the standard blue-light test in the past.) Puff! 27! Oh, boy, that's high! Try again: puff! This time, it's 23! One more time: puff! Something completely different! Puff ... you get the idea.

(Sandy was heard to remark: "well, why don't you just keep testing him until you get the numbers you want?" Ah, she has such a wit.[g])

The doctor drones ominously, "you may have glaucoma. Didn't you say you had FEP Blue insurance?"

"Well ... yeah."

"Harrumph, we need to check this further! We'll do peripheral vision tests, and take pictures of your optic nerves and ... and ..."

I let them take pictures of my retina and do a few other tests, but then I got suspicious. At Sandy's urging, I cancelled my next appointment with them and set up a date with the Eye Foundation at UAB. I mean, these guys saved Sandy's vision, so I figured THEY'd know what was going on.

(I mean, really. Who goes to LENSCRAFTERS to get their glaucoma treated?)

Guess what? My pressure checked fine today. At the high end of the normal range, but nothing to worry about. The doctor told me if I'd quit smoking (which I need to do anyway) and get more rest (ditto, I've been working too hard lately), I'd probably drop back down into the middle of the range.

So ... Stephen's advice to ya'll is, don't let 'em waste your time at Lenscrafters with that air-puff machine. Go ahead and let a real opthamologist numb your eyes and mash the blue light thingie on there. Get dialated and let 'em scan your nerves. Have it done right.

Most of all, don't EVER tell the doctor what kind of insurance you have. If they ask, tell them that they're not SUPPOSED to.

-- Stephen M. Poole (smpoole7@bellsouth.net), March 11, 2002

Answers

By the way, the title should say, "New SCAM," not "scan." But seeing as how my eyes are still dialated and that everything is way too bright, I probably did well just to type this in.

-- Stephen M. Poole (smpoole7@bellsouth.net), March 11, 2002.

And here I thought I was going to get to see a scan of your optic nerve. Really Poole, you should be more careful about what you type.

-- Jack Booted Thug (governmentconspiracy@NWO.com), March 11, 2002.

Stephen, I personally know an ex-hooker with petit mal epilepsy and the reading skills of a third grader who ran the puff-tests on people at a franchise eyewear store like that when she turned straight.

(JBT, simmer down...)

-- helen (never@go.there), March 11, 2002.

I know for a fact I'll never have glaucoma : ) hehehehehhe

-- capnfun (capnfun1@excite.com), March 11, 2002.

Stephen: I've ALWAYS gone to an opthalmologist [however you spell that] for eye exams. It seems to me that the last time I went, I got dilated, the blue light special AND the puff test. I never did get the new prescription filled. I was just happy to not have glaucoma. My mom had it and she's blind in one eye now.

-- Anita (Anita_S3@hotmail.com), March 12, 2002.

Anita,

I'm sorry to hear that about Lucky.

But yeah, that's why I take it seriously, even though no one in our family (that I know of, anyhow) has had it. It sneaks up on you, and you don't realize you've got it until you've already lost a good bit of your vision.

I've learned my lesson. :)

Helen,

Does this chick work in Birmingham? [g]

-- Stephen M. Poole (smpoole7@bellsouth.net), March 12, 2002.

Stephen, not as an eye care specialist. >:)

-- helen (feeling@my.way), March 12, 2002.

Guess the good side Stephen is that they read your IOC too high instead of too low. Saddened by your experience cause based on my own I've recommended the local Lenscrafters. Figure Helen's got the handle here. Best exam in the world doesn't mean squat if you're up against incompentence.

-- Carlos (riffraff@cybertime.net), March 12, 2002.