Probably been posted before but what the Hell:

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed..............................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.... 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1
You leave the toilet seat up..................................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............ 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
in the snow...................................................+8
but return with beer..........................................-5
and no liners.................................................-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night..................... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing............ 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5
You pummel it with a six iron.................................+10
It's her cat..................................................-40

AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party......................... 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a work colleague................................................-2
Named Tiffany.................................................-4
Tiffany is a dancer...........................................-10
With breast implants..........................................-18

HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday..................................... 0
You buy a card and flowers.................................... 0
You take her out to dinner.................................... 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a pub.................+1
Okay, it is a pub.............................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night................................-3
It's a pub, and it's all-you-can-eat night....................-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a mate................................................ 0
The mate is happily married...................................+1
The mate is single............................................-7
Not for long - it's his buck's night..........................-10
He has a liking for Kings Cross establishments................-50

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie.......................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes.............................+4
You take her to a movie you hate..............................+6
You take her to a movie you like..............................-2
It's called Death Cop III.....................................-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans........................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.........-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable beer gut..............................-15
You develop a noticeable beer gut & exercise to get rid of it..+10
You develop a noticeable beer gut and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts......................................-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."................-800

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate in responding...................................-10
You reply, "Where?"..........................................-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your arse"......................-100
Any other response...........................................-20

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression..................0
You listen, for over 30 minutes................................+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.......+50
You're mind wanders to the cricket and you suddenly hear her saying "well, what do you think I should do?"..................-100
You have fallen asleep.........................................-200

ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH.......
You talk.....................................................-100
You don't talk...............................................-150
You spend time with her......................................-200
You don't spend time with her................................-500
You are seen to be enjoying yourself........................GAME OVER - YOU LOSE!!!

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

Answers

YOU TAKE HER ON A SURPRISE UNPLANNED HOLIDAY IN FRANCE
It's in the beautiful rolling hills and lakes and forests south of Paris ..........+50
You recommend an evening visit to the mediaeval timbered old town nearby ....+60
You happen to notice that there are lots of strangely familiar shirts in the main square .....-20
You agree that you can't pass up such a happy coincidence so you go to the match ...-20
It pees down all night and everyone gets soaked ...-70
Still everyone has a great time ...+500

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

Oh dear, you've cracked the code. We'll just have to change the rules now!

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

I can see you're still fondly remembering that beautiful July (August?) evening in Troyes, in the barmy Champagne region of France, eh Barry!!

How many hundred points do I get for having the sheer class, not to mention good sense, to spare my beloved from that particular experience?

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

YOU SUGGEST AN EARLY NIGHT
You snuggle up close and do 'spoons'.........+10
You snuggle up close and do 'spoons' then try to take her up the wrong 'un as a 'nice surprise'.....-50
You offer a massage and talk about babies....+5
You make slow passionate love all night......+3
You have a quickie and switch the telly on to catch The Premiership...-20

You have a quickie and switch the telly on to catch The Premiership, then open a bag of dry roasted and a four-pack...-100

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

Yes, Troyes was great

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

LOL, fellas.

And, too true, Ciara !

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002

val's 17 year old daughter claudia here...hi ! tickled to death with this and have printed copies for every male friend i have - most importantly my well-meaning but dense boyfriend and well meaning geordie father !

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2002