Two Australian Cows : LUSENET : You Have Two Cows. : One Thread

How about these?

HOWARDISM - KYOTO: All the nations of the free world, except the US, ask you to lower your greenhouse gas emissions by reducing heavy industry. You ask the CSIRO to provide an alternative. An 'independent' report concludes that most greenhouse gasses are emitted by cows. You plug your cows arses. They explode and fly to America. They are shot down by the missile defence system for trying to evade import tax.

HOWARDISM - REFUGEES: Two cows arrive by boat, fleeing a lactose intolerant regime. You have incontrevertible evidence that they have thrown their calves overboard. You win an election. You imprison the cows and their calves and milk them, until two years later, when the dairy industry is deregulated, and you deny them refugee status. Suddenly, there is a milk shortage, and you tell them it is not safe for them to return home.

HOLLINGSWORTHISM: You have two cows under your care. One of your cowherds does something two them, but tells you he's really sorry. 20 years later, you tell the cows that you never knew...

INSULARISM - MEGAWATI: You have two extra cows. You send them to Australia. The Australians sink them and leave angry messages on your answering machine.

PRAGMATISM - SWEDISH: You need two cows. You buy them from IKEA and assemble them yourself (it's cheaper). The Volvo cows don't look as trendy, but they last a lot longer.

AUST. FILM INDUSTRY: Two New Zealand cows star in an award-winning film. They are granted Australian citizenship.

BOARD OF STUDIES: You have two cowish cows. You evaluate their values in the context of their texts, referring to your own related material and the Stimulus Bucket. You discuss their post-modern re-representation as symbols of a milkless society.

BOARD OF STUDIES: You have always given students two cows, but you now decide that cows are no longer relevant to today's society. Students now have an option of three goats, four pigs or one and a half aadvarks, but it is compulsorary that they chose the goanna.

BOARD OF STUDIES: You have two cows. You want your students to be able to speak to the cows. Rather than teach the two cows English, you teach 50,000 students to moo. The students forget English. You are not concerned.

BOARD OF STUDIES: You have two cows. You order your students to 'read' the cows as 'texts', and to 'compose' a 'response' in praise of the cows. If they do not like the cows, you shoot them. When their parents complain, you conduct an internal inquiry.

JAPANESE: There are two cows left in the world. You kill one for scientific research on how to breed them. You conclude that the first one was rather tasty.

-- Brian Gray (, March 02, 2002

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