Worms Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol. The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a jar of sperm. The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil. After one day: The first worm, in alcohol--dead. Second worm, in cigarette smoke--dead. Third worm, in sperm--dead. Fourth worm, in soil--alive. Lesson: As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't get worms.

-- Anonymous, February 28, 2002

Answers

Once upon a time there was a frog that lived in a lake all by himself. He had been given special powers by a local witch. One day he finally ventured out of the lake to get his first glimpse of the world outside. The first thing he saw was a bear chasing a rabbit and so he called out to them and asked them to stop. Then he said to them "I am a magical frog and since you are the first two animals I have ever seen, I am going to grant you both three wishes. You will each take turns using them and you have to use them now." The bear (being greedy) went first. "I would like for every bear in this forest to be female except for me." A magical sound and it was done. Then the rabbit said, "I would like a helmet." This confused both the frog and the bear, but after a magical sound there was a helmet. It was the bear's turn again "I would like for every bear in the neighbouring forest to be female." A magical sound and it was done. The rabbit went again. "I would like a motorcycle." Both the frog and the bear wondered why the rabbit didn't just ask for a lot of money and then he could buy himself a motorcycle, but after a magical sound there was a motorcycle. The bear took his last wish. "I would like for all the bears in the world to be female except for me." A magical sound and it was done. The rabbit then put on his helmet, started up the motorcycle, and said "I wish the bear was gay" and took off like a bat out of hell.

-- Anonymous, February 28, 2002

Even Older...

An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman were in a pub, talking about their sons.

"My son was born on St George's Day," commented the Englishman. "So we obviously decided to call him George."

"That's a real coincidence," remarked the Scot. "My son was born on St Andrew's Day, so obviously we decided to call him Andrew."

"That's incredible, what a coincidence," said the Irishman "Exactly the same thing happened with my son, Pancake."

-- Anonymous, February 28, 2002

From NY Times

FOR SALE BY OWNER

Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.

-- Anonymous, February 28, 2002