You know you've been watching the Toon too long when ...

... you still refer to The East Stand as "The Popular Side"

... you visit your Dad and enquire if Frank Clark has rung or called round.

... you can remember seeing them win a trophy.

... after yet another repeat of Ronnie B Radford's goal you have to order a new TV set.

... you can remember a time when the Toon was the only team on TV shown in it's proper colours.

... you can remember games without substitutes and a player with a broken leg hobbling out to the wing to finish the game.

... the name of Jimmy Scoular is mentioned and you wince and say "ooooh - 'e was a hard man".

... you see Brazil playing on TV and your first thought is that you didn't realise the Toon was playing away this week.

... you know the words of "Blaydon Races" and correct those around you singing it wrong.

... your eyes mist over at the mention of Milburn, Harvey, Robledo, Mitchell etc.

... you used to go in flares and platform shoes (or drainpipes and winklepickers)

... it's getting near the end of a tight match and you look up to see if the 10 minute flag has been lowered.

... all your children and pets are named after members of the 1950's cup winning teams.

... you can recall when it was "a man's game" and that players were only sent off in the event of murder - and sometimes not even then.

... you can recall a time when you paid less than the price of today's newspaper to get in.

... the match is over and you've forgotten which bus you have to catch to gan yhem.

... you've been going since before the twats singing "Where were you when you were sh*te?" were born.

Any more?

-- Anonymous, February 19, 2002

Answers

Alzheimer's Prematurely

-- Anonymous, February 19, 2002

Cheering like buggery when the makem score came up on the half time board and they were losing.

So what's new ?

-- Anonymous, February 19, 2002

... you can remember when Keegan became manager.

-- Anonymous, February 19, 2002

Good Grief! I only fail on 3 of those!

I'm sure there should be one about running a sweep to see who scores first where you pick out folded pictures of players faces from the back of the program.

Oh! And going early to stand against a barrier.

-- Anonymous, February 19, 2002

When you remember "peanuts..tanner a bag" and "football weekly, football monthly , soccer star, goal"

-- Anonymous, February 20, 2002

When you realise that the steam rising from the Gallowgate end at half time may be due to more than the healthy response of an engrossed crowd.

-- Anonymous, February 20, 2002

you've NEVER been watching the Toon too long!

-- Anonymous, February 20, 2002

When you got two points for a win and you hoped all the teams above you came from the same city so you could enter the one city one club Fairs cup.

-- Anonymous, February 20, 2002

And win it. :-{E}

-- Anonymous, February 20, 2002

When you remember thinking Bobby Robson wasn't a bad little player!

-- Anonymous, February 20, 2002

When you can recall being excited because we were going to be on TV - live!

When you can recall stamping your feet at the awarding of a corner and the stand actually shaking.

When you look up still expecting to see bits of the city skyline from your seat

When you notice Lord Westwood hasn't bloody bothered turning up.

-- Anonymous, February 20, 2002

you laughed at Mr Magpie walking around the ground, unaware he was looking for children to play with

-- Anonymous, February 20, 2002

For the non-resident Geordies:
when you remember scouring the national papers for details of the weekend's Newcastle match and got excited when there was more than an inch of news print.
When your dad's boy's albums from the fifties take on an almost religious quality because they depicted a time when Newcastle United were amongst the best in the land.

-- Anonymous, February 20, 2002

You know you've been watching the Toon too long when ...


... you possess voodoo dolls of Dalglish, Westwood and McKeag and stick pins in them every night

... you have attended the funerals of more than 16 grandmas on various Wednesday afternoons when co-incidentally, United were away in an FA cup replay.

... you have named the sides of your garden, The Gallowgate, Milburn, Leazes, Popular.

... you have not changed your socks or underpants for 16 weeks because the lads are on an unbeaten run.

... you've had your name down for 2 years to work for the company that will demolish Wembley.

... you dread the arrival of Summer

... you maintain 2 diaries - one with United's fixtures - the other with a set of fictional unavoidable engagements on the same dates to be used as excuses to avoid invitations.

... your daughter announces she is getting married on the final day of the season so you secretly tell the groom she has AIDS.

... you get promotion at work and run round the office, arm raised in a Shearer salute.

... you get to wondering whether your ashes should be scattered on the penalty spot or in the centre circle.

... your pregnant wife has had a scan and you send in the picture with an application form for the Young Magpies.

... you complete a spreadsheet showing the remaining fixtures of the Toon and their title rivals - for the 5th time this morning.

... the only people you know are from the BBS.

-- Anonymous, February 20, 2002

I'd have laughed Jonno if most of those weren't bloody true!!

-- Anonymous, February 20, 2002

It's written into your will that when your clogs are well and truly popped, the funeral cortege must travel, regardless of where they are actually located, from your home to the crematorium, via one of the roads running past SJP. The chosen hymns must be Blaydon Races, Local Hero, and maybe a snippet of Carmina Burana, just to keep your toffy nosed relatives' faces straight.

The catering for the wake to be handled by the NUFC Catering Departmant, in which case, it had better be all of Carmina Burana at the service, cos a snippet won't keep the faces of your toffee nosed relatives straight for long, once they've eaten.

-- Anonymous, February 20, 2002

1.You bombard grandchildren from the age of 6 weeks with jimmy-jams, romper suits, wooly hats, duvets etc, all in black n white without consulting father who is fanatic Celt who responds in green thus completely demoralising daughter and her planned colour schemes for the bedrooms, I have been warned to back off,no way, on a mission.

2.Watching the Skeleton run at the Winter Games and mind if programmed reverts to the more dangerous hand surfs at the top of the Gallowgat to the safety of the wall at the bottom accompanied by the tribal chant of "Hoo Man, How Man, bairns coming through".

3.When the Football Edishun did not hit the streets till you were in bed and dreaming of the day you had, the ride into the Toon on the No 29 Northern, back seats for the bravadoes of course, continually doing a audit on your spends to ensure you had enough, off at the Marlboro, walk causal like, instinctively quicken your pace, only pausing for a rest to peek at any dorty pictures they had on show at the Stoll, then your adams apple starts to do a jig, hairs on you neck stand oot, and there in front of you , The Field of Dreams.

4.Never giving it a thought of who can sing louder, we all just roared

5.Away trips taking hours to get there, and that was just Sunderland.

6.Pre-match entertainment on the cheap, Pegswood Colliery Band and if you were lucky The Felling Girls Kalamazoo Ensemble.

7.When the polis at trackside was always 6.3 , had a red face and blue nose and always obstructed your view from the wall.

8.Knowing that Sir Stanley Matthews would fail a fitness test and once again not appear, console yourself that he was feared of Batty/Mac

9.When at the age of 62 I still idolise Len White who when I was at a immpressionable age epitomised everything that was good about the game, his modesty, his sense of fair play,his skill and running , team play and his dedication, the goals were a bonus,I loved that man although Tony Green came up on the rails. R.I.P Len.

10.Been mentioned on here but you do make provisions as you get older, filled a will guide two weeks ago stipulating that on top of my box I wanted my Toon Scarf and Green Beret, two of my most treasured possesions, YOU CANNOT FOLLOW THE TOON FOR TOO LONG, THEY WILL BE IN YOUR SOUL FOREVER, BELEIVE ME YE OF LITTLE FAITH AND SUPA-KEV

-- Anonymous, February 22, 2002