The Justin Threadgreenspun.com : LUSENET : The Beal Family Forum : One Thread
OK Justin. Have at it...
School? What's your address? Personal web page yet? How's the brain surgery...have they given you a scalpel yet?
-- Anonymous, February 16, 2002
They're giving you scalpels now, huh? Do they know about you?
RE: Your "never ending search for a girlfriend"... My gut tells me you're the type of guy who'd better be a little hard to get. Just a tad oblique - not too hard to get. As Dad used to say about women - "you chase her and chase her until she catches you..." That goes the other way, sometimes, too.
My logic is that you're a pretty bright fellow who will only really be happy with a pretty bright girl. Pretty bright girls (especially *pretty* bright girls) have it harder than pretty bright fellows. And don't get me wrong - you're pretty, but not that pretty, and you're pretty bright, but not that...ooops....joke...)
I think about your mom - not exactly the shrinking violet, you know. (Hi, Diane!) Pretty, bright, assertive young women usually know how to give a signal to the guys they think are cool. Sometimes they like to give a couple of signals. (Sometimes they never shut up, so don't let it get out of hand. You can best manage that by doing some talking yourself. If she's bright, you'll only be successful if you say something interesting, so keep that in mind...)
You'll probably end up being happiest with someone who's bright, like you, and is really involved in something (because you're going to be really involved in something, and you'll want someone who doesn't have to have you around *all* the time in order to be happy).
A bright self-possessed young woman will be interested in someone like you, especially if you give her room to express her interest. It's (eventually) always a back-and-forth thing, with you being more and then less interested, and her being more and then less interested. The trick seems to be to keep this all happening with the same person over time, rather than changing partners when the interest level changes.
Marriage and other social norms used to hold us with the same people, through the times when we'd be switching back and forth between who was being the magnet and who was being attracted. (And if you don't switch it can get boring over time)
Nowadays we have to do a bit of self-induced strategic planning - not that it's a cold or heartless thing, but just that there *is* a sporting aspect to love and the male/female connection and it's a fun part of the relationship, so you might as well be aware of it and enjoy it.
I think Dad might also suggest (chime in here, fellas!) that women are somewhat genetically predisposed to being elusive and beckoning at the same time. You guys may need a more practical instruction set about how to do this, so when trying to pursue without showing it, my two cents are:
1. Do something you're really interested in (like your Tae Kwan Do class) and can focus on, and will become very good at, but do it right next to the prettiest girl in the room.
If there isn't a prettiest girl in the room, find a co-ed class. What's more important: a great Tae Kwan Do class, or a good-enough Tae Kwan Do class with a pretty smart girl in it? (and any girl in a Tae Kwan Do class, doing well, who can do the things below is probably worth pursuing, at least for awhile...)
2. Don't accidentally kick her. That means you're not paying attention to Tae Kwan Do, and you *must* maintain that fiction at all costs (except for ignoring her, but stick to The Plan as long as you can. At some point you can't, but til that time comes...). Being excellent at Tae Kwan Do will help you maintain the illusion that *that's* your real purpose in being there.
3. Do demonstrate your strength, but smile (humor, not condescension). Demonstrating your strength with the other guys is actually a better beginning strategy. Demonstrating your strength with the other girls is *not*. Pick *the one* girl, and then avoid her (sort of, but not too) while always being close enough to end up as a sparring partner during some of your exercises. *Never* avoid her by picking other girls for "exercises".
This is very important in pursuing women, because we *never* understand how you could be flirting with one woman (and any interaction has the potential for flirting) but "rather" be with us...we will never believe that, so don't even try it.
But, since we also need to pursue, you need to remember that you're leaving us the opportunity to pursue - and that means you'd have a better chance in catching us if you were sparring with another guy than with another female. Besides, the other guy will always understand when you switch from sparring with him to sparring with her. The other girl will not.
Of course, there are women who love to compete with other women and, while fun, I think this may be a more sophisticated level of play that you might not have time for yet. (You are, after all, *still* in school to become a brain surgeon, and this level of male/female politics should probably wait for your hospital internship, where this sort of thing is no doubt unavoidable.)
4. Don't pull any punches. We really do want to be taken seriously. And if she can't take your punches yet, then proceed as follows till she can:
5. Try to pick someone who can - or is, at least, willing to - deck you. They'll be more fun in the long run. If you can't find someone who can deck you, spar with her until she can deck you. Make sure she decks you. Insist that she decks you. You're looking for a *peer*, not a door mat. *You* will not be happy with a door mat (no one ever is - no one's a door mat - and no one's happy with a door mat)
6. Don't get mad when she decks you. Try harder. It will only make the both of you better, and that's always a win-win.
You could apply these rules to almost any interest, but I think that Tae Kwan Do class sounds like a good place to start. It's something that you're beginning at, so chances are you'll have more young women at your level. Later on, when you're really good, there will be fewer because they'll have self-weeded, and there's fewer women than men in TKD, especially the upper levels, so the chances of finding someone single that you'll actually like are smaller.
Once you get to the top, it's *very* difficult to find a match with anyone, let alone a woman you'd find attractive, inspirational and pleasing.
If, however, you end up at the top and that potential match does show up, take note - this is a rare, rare bird and you'd do well to recognize that, and not let her get away.
If you've been practicing good strategies throughout your dating years, by the time you arrive at that pinnacle - and if you are, for some reason, still engaged in your never-ending search for a girlfriend - these techniques should ensure that not only will you be able to recognize the quality of the woman you are sparring with, but you might be smart enough to keep her. Because she'll only pursue you so long, and then...you'll just have a nice memory...
Well, that's my two (no, twenty-two) cents on girl-chasing if you're a Beal. It's probably more a manual of how to get a Beal than anything else.
-- Anonymous, March 14, 2002
Hey there, Aunt Cynthia!
Sorry it took me so long to reply - forgot to bring the address with me to school and homework along with my neverending search for a girlfriend took up all my time. Basically I goofed :)
My e-mail address is firstname.lastname@example.org - I check it compulsively, so feel free to forward me ANYTHING (that includes all the rest of you Beal's too). If any of you are as addicted to Instant Messanger as I am, my name there is BrotherBeal (spelled as one word). I don't have a web page - no time to maintain one - but the university does them for free, which is nice. Alot of people I know have them - but most of them are hideously out of date.
They actually have given me scalpels in bio lab - last week we did one of the coolest things ever. We dissected a frog's leg and wired the nerve up to a machine that sent pulses of current through the nerve and made the leg jump - that was really cool, but they won't let us use human parts yet (I asked).
School is hard - alot more work than I bargained for - but I do have one class that I really enjoy. I signed up for a Tae Kwon Do class just out of curiosity, and it's my favorite now - I've got my gold belt, which is the second one, and at the end of the semester I'll be getting my orange belt. I'm gonna keep it up - there's a club at school that has five black belt instructors, so that should be fun.
That about wraps it up - again, I'm sorry for goofing but now that I've got the web address I'll try to be more regular! Hope to see you soon - maybe I can get out west this summer.
Love, Justin email@example.com
-- Anonymous, March 09, 2002