After the heartbreak of last season's wooden spoon play-off penalty shoot out defeat the Sydney clique faced a tough opening fixture against the reigning champions. The team news wasn't promising - Sting had gone awol and Looney "Carl Cort" Toon's back injury may keep him out for the season - leaving us down to the bare bones.

But our opponents (Jobbo's Super U's) had problems of their own. Their top goalscorer wandered off into the bush on Wednesday, got lost, and by kick off time was in the custody of Blue Mountains Search and Rescue some 2 hours away (I'm serious, this kind of thing actually happens in Australia).

And so it was with that timely boost (and once we'd stopped laughing) that the game kicked off. Donning the Black and White were 4 BBS-rs, Andrew "Al's Dodgy Knee" Abbey, Ken "Muzzainoz" Murray, Roger "Tynedale Man" Hill (in goal) and Nick "Nick Raphael" Raphael.

As is customary for teams in Black and White these days we made a slow start. So slow in fact that we gave away 3 soft goals in a matter of minutes and were staring down the barrel of yet another defeat. But the Toonarmy is made of stern stuff these days, and as the half wore on we started to come back into it. Muzza buzzed around like a man half his age, Nick prodded ankles for all he was worth, and Roger kept us in the game with a great double save. Me? Well the ball bounced off my shins a couple of times. And I fell over, but only once.

The first glimmer of hope came right before half time. Muzza picked up the ball in his own half, advanced a few yards (well it's only a small pitch) and unleashed an unstoppable left foot drive into the top corner, leaving the opposing keeper motionless. 3-1 at the half. Nick had his customary half time whinge (this time about the bounciness or lack thereof of the ball) and I said some inspirational words. Something like "unlucky lads". Muzza, who by now had taken on the look of a man who would not leave the field defeated, said.... well I can't remember, but I'm sure it was very sensible. Roger, meanwhile, did the warm-up exercises we probably all should have done before the first half kicked off.

The effects of all this were instantly noticeable. The opposition suddenly found themselves confronted by a snarling, committed, organised and tigerishly tackling foursome and rightly wondered where Rog, Andy, Nick and Ken had gone. Ken won a corner and pulled it back short to yours truly. A shimmy (some might say stumble), a left foot shot, an unsighted goalkeeper and the ball was in the back of the net. 3-2 and the crowd sensed an equaliser.

Ken was the architect again, dispossessing the champions on the half way line. With almost telepathic understanding he realised that I hadn't managed to make it back into our half from our last attack some minutes ago, and was lurking free on the edge of the box. A perfect ball, a scuffed finish, 3-3 with 5 minutes to go.

Both teams were exhausted by this point and a draw seemed likely. But cometh the hour, cometh the man. (or every dog has it's day, take your pick). The man in question was Nick, who matched his goals total for the whole of last season with a glorious winner. Nobody seems to recall how it happened - all that's certain is that the ball bounced around in the box a number of times, the keeper had at least one hand on it at least 3 times, and that the ball trickeled over the line and nestled in the back of the net. A bemused referee, despite being likened to Jimmie Crankie prior to kick off, was unable to pick a foul out of the mass of boddies and signalled a goal.

3 minutes of backs-to-the-wall defending and blatant time-wasting ensued and the game was won. 4-3, and like the real Newcastle, only goal difference is keeping us from the top of the table. We retired to the pub to rehydrate, and a strange combination of atmospheric conditions allowed us to see Laurent Robert lashing home his free kick against Southampton. A happy evening, marred only by the failure of ANY of our opponents to show up for a drink (even though they're all good mates of ours). Poofs.

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2002

Answers

APologies for the long report but as I'm a man of leisure these days I've got time on my hands......

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2002

Inspired stuff, ADK :-) Obviously the never-say-die spirit has travelled the Mag world!

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2002

Funnily enough Bobby, we've got exactly the same personnel as last season, but Uncle Bobby's influence appears to be rubbing off. Either that or their top scorer being lost in the Bush made the difference....

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2002

As you are at the opposite end of the earth I suppose you will be disiplining players who do not go on the lash after a game?

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2002

I should think so. To be honest, it's all I can do to keep the lads from going on the lash BEFORE the game.

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2002

My goal was a bit like Robert's...

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2002

Lads not to worry Ill be back in contention for a run out next week . Normal service will be resumed. Well done tho but ;-)

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2002

You'll need a few games for the reserves before hoping to break into the first team.

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2002

Well done lads. Hey, if the Toon win the title, does that mean you lot will as well?

-- Anonymous, February 13, 2002

No. There's more chance of Newcastle (NSW) winning the English Premier League than us winning the Monday Night League.

-- Anonymous, February 13, 2002