Usually delete junk e-mail's, but I've got to hand it to this one:

You can be ordained this week

STREET BISHOPS, a U.S. based international ministry, has the authority to ORDAIN you this week. We are a ministry dedicated to serving the needs of emerging clergy with credentials, business practices support, supplies, guidence, and other resources leading to a successful ministry.

STREET BISHOPS believes that ordination should be given to all who ask, regardless of their theological thought, as long as they are committed to serving the hearts and minds of man, following the guidance and Love of God. One of the benefits of being a LEGAL member of the clergy, you will be authorized to perform the rites and ceremonies of the church. They include:

WEDDINGS - You can earn part-time income officiating marriages on weekends. Couples are searching for a wedding officiates. Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE SEND YOU) prior to conducting the ceremony. And we have thousands of inquiries each year requesting ministers all over the country to conduct weddings - we can place you in our database of available officiates! One pastor works full time as a wedding officiate, so can you!

FUNERALS - The simple fact is that people die every day, providing a never-ending need for funeral officiates. Whether its for a friend, family member, or community member, you can fulfill a spiritual as well as community service. Don't settle for a minister you don't know!! Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony.

BAPTISMS - What a special way to welcome a child of God. As millions return to church and desire these official ceremonies, you are there to assist them! This adds to your part or full time income as a minister!

PASTORAL COULSELING - Just as clergy have for centuries been advisors, you too can enjoy limited privileges as a pastoral counselor assisting individuals in their time of need. You can be the one to guide hurting individuals towards healing through intervention by God.

CORRECTIONAL FACILITIES - PRISON MINISTRIES - Since you will be a Certified Minister, you can visit others in need. Preach the Word of God to those who have strayed from the flock, who are ready to CHANGE their lives - You can play a major part in that decision!

HOSPITOL MINISTRIES - A an ordained clergy, you can be listed with most hospitals and conduct a successful hospital ministry.

WANT TO START YOUR OWN CHURCH? After your ordination, you may start your own congregation! We can offer much assistance as you begin your new place of worship.

WHICH RELIGION? Street Bishops is an interdenominational/interfaith association. We have ordained Protestants, Catholics, Jews, and other traditions serving God. By serving people you serve The Creator, within your own chosen tradition.

COMMUNITY - You are joining a community of believers that are back to the basics. Serving others is a priority of our Clergy, come and join out community of service pastors. You will have an opportunity to be listed in the International Street Bishops Directory of Clergy so that you can share ideas, thoughts, and ask questions of your peer clergy around the world!

THE STREET BISHOP gaol is to make this life changing step easy and affordable so average folks like you can benefit from the advantages of being ordained, and you can be enabled to serve others. Therefore, the administrative costs for processing the ordination is only $29.00.

FOR ONLY $29.00, you receive a professionally printed 8-inch by 10-inch color certificate and Letter of Ordination/Proof of Minister Certification in your name. We pay the U.S. shipping. For Shipping OUTSIDE the U.S. please add $15.00.

A PERSONALIZED, OFFICIAL IDENTIFICATION badge, laminated with a convenient lapel clip, is also available to assist you in getting access to minister in hospitals, behind police lines, and other areas for only $19.

FAX: To place your order by fax, complete the following form and fax to 1-413-487-7457, or use postal mail. We will not charge your credit card or deposit your check or money order until the documents are in the mail.

-- Anonymous, February 03, 2002

Answers

Right up my street, that lot. How manic.

-- Anonymous, February 03, 2002

So if you took that ordination, and I punched you...could you say I was bashing the bishop?

-- Anonymous, February 04, 2002