Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.

Eventually, Michael the archangel found him on the seventh day, resting.

He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds "Look Michael, look what I've made." said God. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hotspot and Russia will be a cold spot.

Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people,"

God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a small area of land and said, "What's that ?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Newcastle, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful people, a great football team, an impressive centre and home to a number of the worlds greatest ever pop groups. The people from Newcastle are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the wankers I'm putting next to them in Sunderland."

-- Anonymous, February 03, 2002

Answers

Mungo get a grip man! I posted that last Tuesday!!

-- Anonymous, February 03, 2002

Sorry mate! It just winged its way to me this morning.

Never mind, apart from putting it on here, I've e-mailed it to a dozen mackems that I knaa. The responses have been amusing and abusive to say the least.

Don't know whats the matter with them. They seem to have lost their sense of humour this season for some reason. ;-)

-- Anonymous, February 03, 2002

I must admit, when it was sent to me it was with ref to Liverpool and Everton so I had to amend it slightly! I notice someone else has done the same because the amendments in the one above aren't the same as mine!!

-- Anonymous, February 03, 2002

When I first heard this joke, several years ago, it was an Aussie / Kiwi version.

Good for you Mungo if you're managing to wind some Mackems up ;-)

-- Anonymous, February 03, 2002