Did the stealth Astra ever make it Peterborough? Are you all still recovering? Let's hear your reports, folks!

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2002

Answers

Am not very Patient. ;-)

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2002

Yes, but power cuts, fallen trees, not to mention returning Pete the Ploughman back home ;-) has delayed report. One day, eh??

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2002

Excuses, excuses....

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2002

We'll here's my report. Parked the car (lazy geet I only live 10 minutes away)outside the outdoor pool as had every other geordie and started to make my way to the ground. Loads of geordies around mingling with the locals and not a hint of trouble.

Got to the ground and the lads were in good voice already 3:20pm. Got the usual body search going in and wor lass was asked if she had any weapons on her. Her face was a picture as she explain she hadnt (only been to 2 away games before)

Kick off approached and the toon army were in full cry. The game started pretty even but then the posh started to whip in some decent crosses and make some runs down the wing. I always hate it when we play against lower league teams as they always seem to out-muscle us in every department. Anyway there was a goal mouth scramble and we managed to clear the ball - just as 4000 geordies were suggesting the defence should do.

As the game settled down it was obvious that there was going to be goals in this game as the toon looked like scoring on every attack - mind you so did the posh. Sure enough a corner was whipped in and the net bulged. The usual half second delay and then pandamonium. I had forgotten just what standing on the terraces was like - arms, legs and bodies flew everywhere!!!

Excellent an earlier goal in our favour this should settle us down. The rest of the half was a midfield battle with one or two chances either way. As half time approached the people behind me went for a bovril and a mince pie. (didnt know at the time). Newcastle then started a decent move and the ball broke to one of our guys (Mcclen I was later informed) and the net bulged again. Cue celebrations and a cup full of bovril right down me back - just as well he hadnt opened his mince pie yet...to be continued!!! AM

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2002

Thanks, AM. Looking forward to part 2!

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2002

Sorry, Ciara, I do crap match reports so I thought I'd leave it to Softie or Screach. Briefly, great day out and standing on terraces really transported me back to my youth. We were OK in the first half, but lacked the experience in the middle to slow the game down in the second. Thought Elliott and Acuna stood out for awfulness but I honestly don't think anyone emerged with that much credit. I do think that the result is the only thing that matters in Cup games. I know people say that poor form in a Cup tie reflects poor form in the league etc, but we were sh*te against Brentford and beat Man Utd four days later. Which isn't to say we'll beat Spurs (who had spawnily had a game cancelled before our last league meeting at WHL). My only sadness is that someone sort of landed on me when Hughesie scored and I missed his full frontal celebration about two feet in front of me....

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2002

Bummer! I thought of you when he scored. I was looking for familiar bbser faces on telly, but didn't see any.

Though what they did show of the terraces, reinforced my fear of being in one of those crowds. Hopefully wasn't anywhere near you guys, but there were a couple of eejits just before kick off, pushing and shoving each other, and every one around them.

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2002

To recap, the passenger manifesto comprised Ploughman Pete, Softie, Steph and Dougal, along with Captain Mediocre and all were onboard by 11:00. The journey was pretty un-eventful, tho we might have been stopped by Plod at the Sedgefield junction on the A1(M) had some other silly bu99er not noticed him and went blasting ahead ;-) Shame they've nowt else to do when Tony's not in residence (er, most of the time).

Memories of Jacko's journey to Cambridge came (flooding) back as we reached south Nottinghamshire. The rain got increasingly worse, and as we passed thru Rutland (must have taken all of 90 seconds), we saw the most unnecessary signpost of the day to Rutland Water> I think we could all see the water in Rutland - it was everybliddywhere. Peterborough was reached without further mishap, apart from missing the road to the carparks, but that was due to the incessant rain blurring them on the radar. Coats were donned (apart from Softie who insisted in pouring (?) on the irony by only wearing his short-sleaved top with Softie across the back - well, on the upper part of his body anyway). Some of us were born and bred in God's Own Country and don't have to prove ourselves, but a Soft Southerner isn't so priviledged ;-)

News was coming thru on the radio that there was going to be a pitch inspection at 15:00. Crikey - 75 minutes to wait before we even knew if the journey was worthwhile. What could we do to pass the time? A short walk found us outside The Cherry Tree - but not for long. It was heaving, but a concerted effort by all saw Screach pushed into the bar first, and another shove to the right then left saw him at the bar. Two pints of Guiness, a Stella and Scrumpy - oh and can Aah hev a Bottle o' Dog fer mesel' pet? Well, the Dog was nee problem, but the Scrumpy was off (did I tell you Steph??) and there were nee glasses. OK, plastic tumblers it is then. As we supped, the @rse count mounted, with Keown and Menace were sent off, followed by Carragher. But still no news of the Match of the Day.

We found a quiet (and almost dry) spot in the beer garden, and were able to witnedd the rainfall dropping off. Dropping off the bliddy roof that is. But no - it was getting drier and surveying the beergarden lawn (?), we convinced worsells that the game would go ahead (well, Sky/Posh couldn't afford for it not to, could they? The power of thougt. No sooner had we decided that than there was a loud roar from the bar. Game on!

Sadly, of our party of 5, only 3 tickets were "in hand" and Softie and Steph were looking rather uncomfortable (I really must stop taking the camera with me). Screach had "arranged" tickets with Mungo, who in turn had "arranged" tickets with the same guy who'd "arranged" tickets for Wonkey. Ee - if Cellnet/Orange/One-2-One/Vodafone had been off the air, the bliddy ground would have been empty, but fortunately we made contact and a meet was arranged. But lo, what is that? 'twas Mungo and his tout mate walking away from the ground. It's amazing. No matter how many away games I go to, there's always one guy I can guarantee to meet wandering the other way along the same street - Mungo! He's my hero (did I tell you what he had on his dining room table last Saturday? Hmmm - better not. I did promise and I'm still looking for a ticket for Spursthis Wednesday)?

And so to Lahndaan Road. Lahndaan. Bliddy Lahndaan. You can't get away from the bliddy place, can you? Could we ever win again at a place called Lahndaan? 'course we could! Walking across the carpark, I just knew it was gonna be wor day when I saw my all time hero (?) Olivier Alain, standing in the HotDog queue. I was tempted to ask for an autograph, but (probably) wisely decided against it. After all, I don't think that was his autograph book he was clutching under his arm. More like "Ronnie Gill's book of footy stats (with foreward by John Motson). He could wait for Screach to be scrawled across his sheets until the weather was better. (Hmm - perhaps I could have phrased that better).

So, there we were inside the ground. The ageing process does strange things to the mind. I could have sworn a time-machine should look like a police box. But no, in this part of England, it takes the form of a turnstile. Once inside, we were tranformed back in time. Back into the last century - into the 70s. If only I'd worn my flares. What's this? No seats? And what's that smell? Ohhh, sh!t (no, not that), but pretty close. Claerly modern man has not progressed in terms of ability to queue for the bog, and it wasn't long before rivulets formed at the back of the stand. I'm pretty sure it must have had something to do with all the rain, but perhaps I was wrong! As we stood there, a nasty, nasty rumour started to spread. Wayne Quinn on the bench, and wait for it - Jamie McClen in the starting line-up. No little Kevin at all. There has to be a reason. Please God. There had to be a logical reason. Yeah, that's it. LKD can't be risked under such attrocious conditions, and well, let's face it, 2nd Division opponents are about right for Quinn. Another tactical marvel from YBR. Well, it was, wasn't it????

After a few minutes becoming accustomed to standing without getting shins bruised by the seats in front, we prepared for the game. Steph went for a wee (well, she was seen in the queue for the ladies, but to be honest I have my doubts, as she returned far quicker than she should have, given the size of the queue. Anyway, on to the game.

Plenty has been said (as I always say) but we weathered an initial storm from Posh and managed to survive their initial onslaught, The pitch looked pretty wet, with standing water on the touchline at wor end, and lots of mud/sand elsewhere. But there was firm grass on the flanks, and Bernard, Solano and partiularly Bellamy started to explore these areas. Posh could have gone ahead, but so could we with a shot from Bernard from the edge of the box (hey, I'm guessing - it was long way away). But his shot was pushed wide byt he keeoer and from the ensuing corner, we went ahead, with Distin's header falling nicely for Any, Any O'Brien to turn and hit the ball home. WheyHey - we're on wor way!! More Posh pressure produced no reward, tho they went close with a drive which shaved the post. Just before halftime, we extended the lead when Jamie McClen ran on to a knock-down and calmly (?) slotted past the hapless keeper (I C&P'd that last bit from icNewcastle a few weeks ago). Indeed, with added time looming, some great one-touch stuff on the edge of the box saw the ball fall to Shearer. His instinctive volley was rifled goalbound, but sadly straight at the keeper who just managed to stop it. It could have been 3-0 but HT came with the score 2-0 to Toon and coasting. Well, maybe not.

Halftime saw the teams change ends (aw come on, FFS - Ed) and we were guaranteed a hatful at wor end - weren't we? Well, apparently nobody had told Any, Any O'Brien that we'd changed ends and he continued his goal-fest with a cracking header which flew past Shay. Why couldn't he have done that against Chewsee at the Bridge? 1-2. Game on. And so started that period of the game that you almost knew was inevitable. Premiership leaders(ish) against gallant Nationwide 2nd Division no-hopers, and an own goal to spur them on. Not that we sat back, but in a farce where almost every one of our players seemed to be holding staion on the 'boro bye-line, we lost the ball and it was rapidly transferred via mid-field to Number 7 Farrell out on the right near the halfway line. No problem, we had Distin making upi ground rapidly in the middle and Robbie Elliott covering. Well, Distin was making up ground. Elliott did a fair impression of Frank Clark, backing off, backing off, backing off, backing off until just the right moment. But that's where his impression went wrong and the right moment never came. Instead, Farrell calmly slotted the ball goalwards, hitting the back of the net via a nasty deflection (the benefits of video) which may have otherwise have been saved by Shay. 2-2. Let's hold on for the draw lads - they're bound to want the revenue from a replay.

Clearly, at this stage, there was only one team that appeared to want to win. The other seemed to be only interested in a replay. But no. Posh pressed, and had it not been for a fantastic one-on-one save from Given, we'd have been deed and burried. It's at moments like this that you realise adrenalin is brown!

Yet somehow, we survived and came back strongly. Quinn replaced Bernard and Kerr replaced McClen (who IMHO was our best midfield player, but that's not saying a lot). Shearer missed with a soft header and from the ensuing corner from the left, the ball riccoched (sp??) around until it hit a defender's hand. It was clear that it had hit the hand, but was it avoidable??) Anyway, Shearer is not one to worry about little things like that and he rammed the ball home to put us back in the lead. Phew!!

This seemed to knock thestuffing out of Posh, and it was no surprise when Quinn was free on the left and put in a deep cross for Hughes to ghost in and score at the far post. Well, actually it was a huge surprise that (a) Quinn put in a good ball and (b) Hughes ghosted in to score. But that's football :@)

So that was it. Nowt left, 'cept a 260 mile journey back oop norf, which we managed without mishap. Mission accomplished - by Toon and the crew of the Stealth Astra ©.

Ooh - almost forgot. Pete the Ploughman was duly returned to The Plough where he fulfilled the role of mine host very well indeed. Celebration drinks were quaffed and the local Mackem's duly had the p!$$ extracted %~)

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2002

Thank you for the report, Screach. :-)

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2002

We'll i was going to write a second half but screach and the stealth astra described it better than I ever could. One down point (equalled out with a good point) was a largish guy near to me making monkey noises at the coloured defender when he fouled Bellamy. Fortunately someone behind him give him a right clout to the back of the head and then claim that a crowd surge was the reason for the forearm smash. Made me smile and the aformention person was relatively subdued for the rest of the game. All in all a good day out and the right result in the end. Sally (girlfriend) wants to go to more games as she loves the way the geordies always sing and have a good laugh. Looks like the toon army has gained a new member!!!

AM

-- Anonymous, January 29, 2002