My oldest and bestest mate is coming to sunny Spain next week to work with me. Fine lad as he is, sadly, he is afflicted by the old barber's pole syndrome. Family influence I believe as he is from solid B&W territory.

Now... I cannot let an opportunity like this go begging. His room will be decorated with suitable Toon calenders, posters etc. for his arrival but this, I feel, is not quite enough. It is my duty, as a 'filthy skunk' to make his stay as uncomfortable as possible, in a matey-matey way of course.

I had a great collection of Mackem jokes, jpegs, songs and general anti-SOS propaganda saved on my last PC which sadly bit the dust in unexpected circumstances.

I don't have time to regather this collection.

So, I am calling on you, the good people of this glorious BBS, to provide me with 3 months of ammunition. Any and all contributions are welcome. Please feel free to email directly anything you may feel is too offensive... I will be the judge of what is or is not suitable....

Heh heh...

Well, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do... Right?

-- Anonymous, January 22, 2002

Answers

Show him the Premiership table.

-- Anonymous, January 22, 2002

I posted a Mackem joke a couple of weeks ago - it's filed under "jokes" for some reason.

-- Anonymous, January 22, 2002

Steve,

There are some on Rik's old page here . I've also sent you a couple of piccies.

-- Anonymous, January 23, 2002

Have a look on my site: http://www.toonweb.co.uk

There are Mackem jokes which people have sent in as well as pictures of Sunderland shirts with new sponsors. Have a look, download what you like.

-- Anonymous, January 23, 2002

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.

Eventually, Michael the archangel found him on the seventh day, resting.

He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made." Said God

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hotspot and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a small area of land and said, "What's that ?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Newcastle, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful people, brilliant architecture, an impressive cathedral and it’s the home of the worlds greatest ever football team. The people from Newcastle are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the w@nk ers I'm putting next to them in Sunderland."

-- Anonymous, January 29, 2002

You could always just remind him of tonight's result against The Boro ;-))

-- Anonymous, January 29, 2002

hey don't be cruel they are still one of the top three sides in the north east

-- Anonymous, January 29, 2002

Thanks ladies and gents. Has anyone got the location for the ´Mackem song' MP3? You know, 'Could have been worse, I could've been born a mackem...'

-- Anonymous, January 29, 2002

"hey don't be cruel they are still one of the top three sides in the north east"

Mac - have you forgotten Tow Law and Whitley are still in the Vase?!

-- Anonymous, January 29, 2002

not a valid argument, yet, Sunderland can't enter the Vase, although can't really see them scoring against anybody at the moment, wel lnot till 24th B=February and 2-1 again :0)

-- Anonymous, January 29, 2002

.com boys have come up with another one...



-- Anonymous, January 30, 2002

Oops...try that again...



-- Anonymous, January 30, 2002

Oh heck...just go to .com. I did link the attempt at embedding the image so you can click on the little red x thingy.

-- Anonymous, January 30, 2002

Steve, I'm sure I uploaded the Mackem song a while ago, I'll just check where I saved it...

-- Anonymous, January 30, 2002

Found it...

Unfortunately not uploaded, but I can send it as an email if you want.

Which address should I use?

-- Anonymous, January 30, 2002

Paul, try tallantyre@arrakis.es as Yahoo will probably bounce it coz of its size. Ta mate.

-- Anonymous, January 30, 2002

No problems Steve

I might not get it out tonight though as it's 2.5MB and my connection has a bad habit of cutting off just before things are finished. I'm trying now though...

-- Anonymous, January 30, 2002

There yer gan, sent :)

-- Anonymous, January 30, 2002

Ciara, your link worked ok for me!

-- Anonymous, January 30, 2002