15 Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/shopping partner/significant other is taking his/her sweet time: (Part 1 of 2)

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3 in housewares,'...and see what happens. 5. Put M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?

9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible'.

12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.

13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say 'PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!'

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and mumble 'It's those voices again'. And last but not least,

15. Go into a fitting room and yell real loudly 'Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!'

Quick Wit

"Did anyone lost a roll of bills around here with a rubber band around them?"

"Yes, I did."

"Well, I've found the rubber band."

-- Anonymous, January 21, 2002

Answers

ROTFL

gross!

LOL

[responses to various lines]

-- Anonymous, January 21, 2002

SAR, I really enjoyed your contribution, and why? Because I have dutifully gone along with a nice sweet woman while she buys clothes, and insists that I can be some kind of help. Me, somewhat colorblind with the fashion sense of a garden slug. Of course, women love to take their time shopping for anything, and when it comes to CLOTHES it's Katie bar the door. My attempts to get out of there in a timely fashion (Hey, that looks great) always fail.

I really can't complain too much, because she's a great help in getting me looking spiffy, but still, your contribution rang a real bell.

-- Anonymous, January 21, 2002