......Veruca, that is. The thug disposed of Martin Keown in pretty much the same way as he did Nick the Greek at Elland Road. Apparently the ref didn't see it so it can go to the video panel.

-- Anonymous, January 20, 2002

Answers

I sure as hell hope the FA investigate this latest escapade from Veruca. Clear as daylight - he must be suspended for the good of the game.

-- Anonymous, January 20, 2002

It reported on SKY News this morning that the FA will be investigating his assault on Keown.

-- Anonymous, January 21, 2002

Haven't seen the challenge, but if anyone deserves to be crocked it's Keown. Not that that excuses Viduka mind.

-- Anonymous, January 21, 2002

(Royters)London, 21 January 2002.

Keown Keel-haul Katastrophy

Arsenal and England ugly man, Martin Keown, was said today to be 'very ugly indeed' after an alleged incident with squat Australian Mark Viduka last Saturday.

Viduka is alleged to have used his elbow during a challenge in the top of the table clash at Elland Road. Keown has asked the Football Association to look at a video tape of the incident in a bid to become even more unpopular. An Arsenal insider commented: "Martin's a bit naffed off, guv apples 'n pears eeeeasy maht, 'cos 'eee usually does the dirty nasty digs on people. 'Eee fears for 'is reputation as a hard, ugly defender. You can't 'ave two daddies in ver 'ahse, eh? Eh? Know wot I mean?"

However, the FA are understood to be unsympathetic to calls for video evidence. A source at Lancaster Gate said: "We're all quite shocked, because it makes out as if hard, ugly man Keown is nothing but a girly whinger who goes crying off to teacher when someone pinches his arm. It's a bit like this 'Ner-ner-ner-ner-ner ummmm I'm telling Miss'". Nevertheless more sane sources are taking this opportunity to have a go back at Mark Viduka. "Being Australian is an obvious disadvantage in life," said the other source, "but if that's not bad enough he's squat and has a flat face. The tussle with Keown was more like a battle of the ugly sticks at dawn."

As Keown comes to terms with this recent challenge to his crown of 'dirtiest and ugliest footballer', many minds are cast back to Newcastle United's Alan Shearer catching Keown on the head during the Geordie's famous 3-1 win at Highbury. Pundits later commented that Shearer had given him a well deserved egg sized lump on the head. One commentator was moved to say: "that's a f**king beauty!"

-- Anonymous, January 21, 2002

Viduka should be given a big ban - then we can see if O'Leary will live up to his promise of sacking players who "cross the line"

-- Anonymous, January 21, 2002

technically he didn't cross the whole line, only his elbow was in Keown's face not his whole body, so Viduka will stay

-- Anonymous, January 21, 2002