These are too bad not to share, hope you like them!............

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two

dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says,

"I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per

passenger."

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One

went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other

stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted

to much. The second one, naturally, became known as

the lesser of two weevils.

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but

when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving

once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it,

too.

4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old

West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm

looking for the man who shot my paw."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused

Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend

dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel

and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent

tournament victories. After about an hour,the manager

came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting

in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.

One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named

"Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they

name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends

a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon

receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she

wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband

responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've

seen Amal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments,

so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.

Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of

God, a rival florist across town thought the

competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to

close down, but they would not. He went back and

begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the

rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and

most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,

saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.

Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and

only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most

of the time, which produced an impressive set of

calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which

made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he

suffered from bad breath. This made him ....what? (Oh,

man, this is so bad, it's good) A super callused

fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was a woman who sent ten

different puns to friends, with the hope that at least

one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately,

no pun in ten did.

-- Doreen (animalwaitress@yahoo.com), January 19, 2002

Answers

and i thought i had too much time on my hands LOL LOL LOL...what a hoot!

-- lesley (martchas@bellsouth.net), January 19, 2002.

Thanks for the laugh.Indiana Country Friend Jack Bunyard

-- jack Bunyard (bunyard@cnz.com), January 20, 2002.

Doreen------And my friends tell me I'm warped!!! ha!!!

-- Sonda (sgbruce@birch.net), January 20, 2002.

------Grown------

Yes they were bad.

-- Jim-mi (hartalteng@voyager.net), January 21, 2002.

....Very very bad

-- Tiger Girl (Tigergirl@meowmail.com), April 04, 2002.

Bad? But weren't they funny!!!

-- GibsonGirl in s.e.Illinois (bobtravous@email.com), April 05, 2002.