Short Cuts

Thursday, January 17, 2002

Just when we learned how to spray our turkey carcasses gold. Don't go, Martha!

Shortest of the Shorts: The part of the LCom team that writes has to hit the road this morning but a quick scan of the board tells us who is upset with what in this world.

HUMAN RIGHTS GROUPS (that can be read as profession whiners) seem to think we are mistreating the professional killers we had to hog tie to keep from slaughtering our soldiers. They are getting clean, edible food, a bugless place to sleep, hot showers, drugs if they are agitated and a trip to the Caribbean. Sounds downright Club Med to us.

MONICA IS TIRED of being thought of as a dirty joke. She's made an HBO movie to complain about it. We are resisting comment as strongly as possible.

THE BUMBLING COWBOY who couldn't speak properly averages an unheard of 86% approval rating in the latest Gallup showing and has yet to run a national poll to see which way he should govern. This has only a few people upset.

TV JOURNALISTS are in an uproar over the inflation of Larry King's new deal with CNN and Adam Buckman, for one, accuses the Suspendered One of being the one who leaked a figure twice the size of the real deal. If true this is just plain goofy. Maybe he can chalk it up to a senior moment?

JOE CONASON IS UPSET - and when is he not - because no one else is upset about Enron. He's upset because Washington has lost its taste for scandal. Someone should visit his fevered bedside and tell him people will get upset when there is something to get upset about.

EVERYONE'S UPSET with Joe Lieberman who apparently didn't know about his own Enron connection when he stood up and piously harumpfed. Now he's being asked to step down from any investigation. If everyone who had anything to do with the bankrupt energy giant has to recuse themselves, the Norwegian Fisheries Commission is going to have to step in.

We are off the grab the next shuttle to DC and curious about which part of our anatomy the security guard will grab first. Igor, get the bags and lose the nail clippers.

--Your On The Move LComStaff

-- Anonymous, January 17, 2002