on football 365, see last line for relevance!!!

After the game, I was rehydrating my withered body with a copious intake of lager in a nearby pub. I had knocked back four pints and was just starting to get annoyed that the jukebox didn't offer anything to which I could play air guitar when I became aware of a tall bloke standing next to me. He was unlovely, gnarly and aged about 20. Gaunt of eye and cheekbone, I wouldn't have been surprised if he'd turned out to be Bez from The Happy Mondays' uglier brother. He smelled of Fiery Jack and Calvin Klein's Obsession. A heady, if eye-watering, scent. I thought little of it until a pneumatic Pink Lipsticky Girl in the aforementioned garb of lurex top and tight short skirt pushed through the Saturday throng towards him with the obligatory chunky friend in tow. The conversation that followed I relate verbatim, as I heard it: Pink Lipsticky Girly: "Hiya, what do you do?" Bez from Happy Mondays' Uglier Brother: "I play for Cambridge United." PLG: (clearly thrilled) "Eeee, you're a footballer?" BFHMUB: (bemused) " Er... yeah." PLG: (eagerly) "Eeee, can I s*** your c***?" BFHMUB: (shrugging) "Aye, if you want." PLG: "Shall we go to your car?" BFHMUB: (with look of horror) "Nah, I don't want to mess up the leather upholstery. How about the bogs?" PLG: (with no hint of disappointment) "Yeah, go on then..." Perhaps he was just masquerading as a professional footballer but if your Saturday night goes as well as that, you must be a) very good looking, b) very rich, c) both rich and good looking, d) drinking in Newcastle's Bigg Market

AM

-- Anonymous, January 17, 2002

Answers

Are you saying we're buying a lad from Cambridge then? ;-)

-- Anonymous, January 17, 2002

It wasn't all that good as it happens. She was a touch over-zealous with her teeth.

-- Anonymous, January 17, 2002