noticed this on rtg. the fact that the guy posted it on a mackem site indicates that he needs mates, but i did find the bit about the geordie wardrobe in #10 quite funny - not true though is it? -

anyway, i decided to share it here with you lot cos i don't think your blood pressure is high enough ;)

READ ON

Posted by Benny The Blue on 09 January, 2002 at 18:47:37:

Alright mackums? I'm an Evertonian but I aint on here to spout falsely confident bollocks about how we'll win on Saturday, I just wanted to share with you all why I hate the barcode skunks....

10 Reasons Why I hate Newcastle (the brief version)

1. Their manager is a senile old codger, who should be sipping cocoa in a mental institution. In point of fact, he should have been sent out to do the gardening over ten years ago. Whilst manager of England, he was rounding up his squad at Gatwick Airport ready to board their plane to somewhere or other when he started shouting angrily ‘Where’s Reidy? This is typical of him! Where’s Reidy?’ It was left to Robson junior to point out to the dear old geriatric that he had infact dropped Peter Reid and he wasn’t actually in the squad. Other amusing stories that spring to mind are tails from numerous ex England players who recall how Bobby would be in full flow one minute (talking about football matters) and then fast asleep the next! This was over 10 years ago! Bobby is the Grandpa Simpson of football and should not be managing at any level anymore, let alone at any sensible Premiership club (which we all by now know Newcastle are not). However, by far and way the most annoying thing about this gibbering old fool is his tendency to lick his face whilst speaking. The guy’s like a great Doberman.

2. Alan Shearer. The consummate dirty bastard centre forward. All fouls and elbows. Recently sent off at Charlton for not elbowing someone (miraculously). Has been continuously getting away with practising the John Fashanu school of jumping for years. It’s only a shame the FA decided to rescind this red card as the filthy bastard had it coming to him. The only thing more annoying is Grandpa Simpson’s insistence that he is a ‘credit to the game’ when a more accurate description might be ‘an over-rated, limited, whinging, fouling disgrace to the game’.

3. Sir John Hall – The much revered (by Geordies) former chairman once famously remarked that there would be “£250, 000 on Kevin’s (Keegan) desk first thing in the morning” (earmarked incidentally to pay for the footballing colossus that is Brian Kilcline) only to withdraw the statement immediately incase burglars broke into the managers office! You can just imagine the egg-headed moron lugging a wheelbarrow full of cash through the St James Park corridors!

4. Their tendency to pinch (literally) Everton’s current best player – Beardsley, Speed, Ferguson. They’ve even had a sniff around Mad Dog Gravesen lately the bastards. Dour faced Dalglish illegally approached Speed prior to his transfer (allegedly) and even more infuriatingly, their idiotic chairmen Hall and Sheppard were seen drinking champagne with Big Dunc during the game against Newcastle before he was sold to them. Dunc was still officially an Everton player at this point and there he was sipping champers with these two wankers supporting the opposition. To me that’s betrayal and I haven’t ever forgiven him for that! Anyway, what do we get in return? Marc Hottiger, D’artanigon and a crocked Dunc back! Bastards, bastards, bastards!

5. The Policing at the away end – As fans of any other club that have been to St James will no doubt back up, the policing is nothing short of a disgrace. My last visit coincided with a typical performance from the referee on the night, Mr School-Master of Harrow on the Hill, who sent off both Earl Barrett (on his debut) and Barry Horne for, well, not a lot really! The police were aggressive throughout, randomly picking bluenoses to throw out for next to nothing. Newcastle had recently sold Andy Cole to United and when the chant of ‘Andy, Andy Cole’ went up at the away end in response to the usual banter between both sets of supports, the gestapo sparked into life, throwing blues out in tens! Being only around 17 at the time and with me old man, I was very careful not to get too excited for fear of a premature ejection. I swear, fellas were being escorted from the ground for simply waving their arms about a bit! It’s only marginally better at your place and Boro actually. What is it about north east police?

6. Bird Shit – to add insult to injury on that day in 1994, the gestapo seemed to have trained shite hawks to sit in the scaffolding above only the away section. As an Evertonian, I was fully used to being shit on regularly, but never quite as regularly nor literally as on that day

7. Douglas Hall and Freddie Shepperd – got pissed in the Costa Del Sol and were taped slagging off the club, the fans and the women of Newcastle. Not that they weren’t entirely accurate of course, but its still bang out of order. How these 2 kept their jobs I’ll never now.

8. Newcastle Women – the clueless twosome’s most accurate observation summed it up. They are dogs, bless em. Cue Germaine Greer type complaints.

9. Misbehaving players – Dyer, Bellamy and Cort are just the latest in a long line of Newcastle footballers to have brought further shame upon this shit-house of a football club. Seems they will regularly insist upon waiting until Grandpa Simpson slips into a coma before sneaking out and causing havoc during a night on the ‘toon’!

10. The supporters – Ah, last but not least, these bunch of clowns. Not least irritating is their infuriating song that incorrectly claims that they have the ‘most loyal fans in the world’. Oh aye? Where were you when you were bottom of the old 2nd division then prior to Keegan’s appointment? They were averaging 17,000 for a league game back then you know! Besides, Newcastle as a city has a higher population than, for example Liverpool, so frankly, I’d fully expect the level of attendance they currently get. Let’s put a different spin on this. The average attendance at Goodison this season is around 31k. The average attendance at the fortress of darkness (Anfield) has been over 40k. So, as a city, Liverpool attract on average over 70, 000 people to a home match. This figure is bound to increase pending the successful completion of the Kings Dock! Beat that you arrogant geordie tosspots! Its not only their wrongful claim of being the best supporters (an accolade I would personally afford to the long suffering but always committed Man City fans) but the fact that as an entity they are by far and away the most biased and unobjective bunch of neanderthals I have ever had the misfortune to discuss footballing matters with (a generalisation I know but its my rant so I don’t give a toss!). I had a mate at school called Pete Tullin. He was a good lad and a good footballer and generally we got on fine. He was however an avid Geordie. This didn’t extend just to following the team however. The bugger bombarded any poor sod in sight with details on the groundskeepers routine or who the new sponsors for the family stand were (Tudor Crisps circa 1993, I kid you not). They really are a strange and obsessive breed, not least evident through their somewhat ahem, limited sense of fashion. Its been a while since I’ve been to Newcastle despite it being one of my favourite cities (surprisingly enough!), but on my last visit I couldn’t help but notice that around 99.9% of the population where dressed up as barcodes. I wouldn’t be surprised if numerous high street fashion ‘giants’ have been forced to close their Newcastle outlets. The average Geordie’s wardrobe consists of a home shirt, an away shirt, a Shay Given GK shirt and perhaps a 3rd strip shirt for those big nights out.

Feel free to add your own points. I may well use this subject as a basis for a dissertation.....!

-- Anonymous, January 09, 2002

Answers

Quite flattering for fans of a club we couldn't give a f...k about either way writing about us so extensively.

-- Anonymous, January 09, 2002

He obviously does need mates, but any he get will probably lynch him fairly shortly after meeting him.

-- Anonymous, January 09, 2002

PS. Evertonians, like Mancs, have a remarkable preoccupation with the sartorial side of football (ie. Paul Smith is so last week, so we are all wearing Tommy Hilfiger). Muppets.

-- Anonymous, January 09, 2002

Bliddy Hell, Dougal. I wish I was so last week. Until a couple of years ago, I used to be so last century. Now it's even worse :-(

-- Anonymous, January 09, 2002

1,322 words about a third party on another club's site. This is one sad scouse git.

And before you ask - no I didn't count the little beggars - just pasted it into Word and pressed that clever button.

-- Anonymous, January 09, 2002

Would he be posting it if we were second bottom of the first division? Complete jealousy if you ask me, FFS we were better than Everton with TDM in charge.

-- Anonymous, January 09, 2002

Couldn't agree more.

Did you see that dive of Big Dunc's against Stoke on Saturday? Bliddy shocking.

-- Anonymous, January 09, 2002

Has Newcastle really got a bigger population than Liverpool? I doubt it.

-- Anonymous, January 09, 2002

I think he means a bigger population with birth certificates Nick!

-- Anonymous, January 09, 2002

A bigger population without a stolen toaster.

-- Anonymous, January 09, 2002

The populations of Merseyside and Tyneside may be similar but it's a lying Scouser (of either colour) who claims that they don't get a large part of their support from Ireland, Wales and the midlands.

-- Anonymous, January 09, 2002

Well, that fat blerk near me at ManUre was bigger than anything I've ever seen in Merseyside. Well, apart from the dole queue.

-- Anonymous, January 09, 2002

(and I wasn't talking about Josh)

-- Anonymous, January 09, 2002

IIRC he posted this up on TOTT quite some time ago, you kind of remember reading things like that..

-- Anonymous, January 09, 2002

That's one of the funniest things I've read in the last few minutes. ;-D

He's just bitter cause they've signed all our 'rejects' and we're now doing better than them. ;-))

-- Anonymous, January 09, 2002

d'ya think Walter would like a Spanish centre half ?

-- Anonymous, January 10, 2002

Evertonians make me laugh out loud! Their obsession with what to wear is hilarious. Becuase of course when we go to Goodison we re stunned by their sartorial elegance. Grow up you bafoon.

BTW - in view of their recent lack of sucess and general chips on both shoulder attitude, a Scouser friend of mine (Liverpool fan) has named them the Makems of Merseyside. No wonder there is such alot of brotherly love between them both.

-- Anonymous, January 10, 2002

i never realised that george best played for everton :P

-- Anonymous, January 10, 2002