Nicked this from the TOTT board, posted by a guy called "thedudeabides". I really enjoyed it.

SUNDERLAND GOING FOR IT.

After the declaration of Newcastle and Gateshead's joint bid for European City of Culture, it has been announced that the Sunderland City Council has entered an audacious counter bid.

The newly revealed bid will include the half-filled People-in-Glass-Houses Centre, the stunning Winter Gardens and the centrepiece, the new Stadium of Shire-Horses. The dream of prudent local businessman, Rob Money, is to build an old style, corrugated-iron clad football stadium on a disused colliery site.

"In it..." enthused an excited Money, "...we plan to recreate the football of a bygone era, by that I mean the style of football we play, will take our fans back to the golden age of football. It won't just be the style of football..." he continued, "...you won't be seeing any of your fancy-dan, overpaid, quality players here. It'll all be work ethic, blood and thunder, sweat and guts".

He also added, that he planned to bring, failed former Man City supremo Peter Reid in as Manager. "He has all the qualities we're looking for, especially his tactical nouse, his eye for a good player, his man-management skills and his abilities to spend heavily but wisely".

Chief Executive, Mr John Ficklefans, also announced his intentions, to make it "...a community club, not like that lot up the road. I will strive to keep prices low, and I'll even be giving away thousands of free tickets to schoolchildren, and anyone else who asks!" Demand for tickets is expected to be strong at first but then fall away, when the novelty wears off.

Delighted council leader Brynn Sadorwhat, was confident of the schemes viability, despite overwhelming odds. The man behind the successful bid for City status in the nineties declared "We managed to achieve City status without having a Cathedral, resident Arch-Bishop or University, not to mention an airport, proper train station ..... or in fact anything else for that matter!"

There only appears to have been one minor hiccup so far in the proposed plans, "Being a caring club, which has always been Green (with envy), we had hoped to power the whole stadium using Solar Energy but unfortunately, were advised by our consulting engineers that Solar Power would never work, as we will always live in the shadows".

Meanwhile, local celebrities hailed the plans. Ex-Sunderland and current Century FM Legend, Eric Gates, added "What, with this news and my first acting role in Lord of the Rings, this has been an exciting year for me". While former, athletics hard-man and TV enigma, Steve ‘Jarra Crappa’ Cram, was said to be over the moon, "I’m over the moon." he said. Sadly, Kate Adie was unavailable for comment from her top secret posting to...er... Tenerife.

A spokesperson for Newcastle City Council refused to comment on the matter, as he was unable to keep a straight face.

-- Anonymous, January 08, 2002

Answers

:) Great Stuff!

-- Anonymous, January 08, 2002

These are early days, you arrogant heathen blasphemers. You won't know what's hit you when we up the ante and put in a joint bid with Seaham.

How do you feel now, you bunch of chancers ?

FTM

-- Anonymous, January 08, 2002

....aal tek one o' them Free Tickets, MacMackem.

-- Anonymous, January 08, 2002

Hee hee. Good one, clarky :-)

-- Anonymous, January 08, 2002

VG* go to the top of the class!

-- Anonymous, January 10, 2002