Her car was so old the state issued upper and lower plates

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By Associated Press, 12/31/2001 05:17

MILWAUKEE (AP) Maxine Christensen was lying when she said her car was so old the state issued upper and lower plates.

But the fib about her old beater's dentures earned her the dubious distinction of being named the World Champion Liar for 2001.

''I'm 81 years old. I'm old enough I should know better,'' Christensen said Sunday from her home in Exira, Iowa.

John Soeth, president of the Burlington Liars Club, awards the honor each year after sifting through hundreds of entries. The club received 384 entries this year, up from last year's total of about 280.

The contest was open to anyone who wasn't a politician club members say it isn't fair to let professional liars compete. Those who enter must send the club a dollar for an honorary membership.

Christensen received a letter and a certificate from the club last week telling her she'd won the contest.

''The only thing that would be better would be if there were a monetary award to it,'' she added.

The club awarded eight honorable mentions including one to Kenneth Hunter of Dallas, Pa., who claimed that a town beekeeper had the world's most productive insects because he'd crossed honeybees with lightning bugs so they could work at night.

-- Anonymous, December 31, 2001


And then this companion article about a burglar wannabee...

ROANOKE, Va. (AP) A bungling burglar left behind a memorable account of his hijinks when his pants fell down as he bent over, revealing his bare posterior to a surveillance camera.

The man got away with about $38 in the break-in at the Texas Tavern on Wednesday.

A tape shows the burglar, wearing a ski mask and socks on his hands, breaking the front glass door with a piece of concrete. He crawled through the broken door and vaulted the front counter.

After a failed attempt to open the cash register, which was empty, he threw it to the ground. He then opened a cabinet behind the bar that had $38 in it.

As he bent to pick up something from the floor, his pants fell. He pulled up his trousers, grabbed the cash and climbed back over the counter, losing a shoe in the process.

After retrieving his shoe, the man left through the front door. He returned about 20 minutes later and dislodged the cash box with a piece of concrete. He grabbed the box, which also was empty, and left again.

''The guy's obviously dumb as a rock,'' said Matt Bullington, who owns the downtown restaurant with his father.

Police arrived shortly after the burglar's second visit but made no arrests.

-- Anonymous, December 31, 2001

It is a well-known fact that Iowans are the Irish of America, insofar as they have such a Blarney-inspired way with words.

-- Anonymous, January 01, 2002

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