growing up in the church,still struggleing with the after affects.

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Since we got on church things, I am going to tell my story, I still struggle to this day with it, and will probably take it to the grave. All the posting by you all, about your everyday Christian liveing always sounds so wonderful.And your answers are so Christian. I wonder if you are all truthfull, Forgive me, My father molested me every sunday before church, Mom was makeing breakfast, and takeing care of chores, She never knew what was going on. My father was of high standing in the church, and everyone loved him. They would say, aren"t you lucky to have such a wonderful father, I hated church and all the people in it. How I ever got saved later in life is a miracle in itself. I still struggle to this day, sit close to door in church so I can excape quickly. Mostly stay home. I am 72 years old, I find I just do better giveing to my favorite churchs on tv.I help my niegbors the best I can. I am sure I would have faired better, if it had not been all mixed up in Christianity. Thanks everyone, Irene

-- Irene texas (tkorsborn@cs.com), December 31, 2001

Answers

Bless you, Irene. Believe me, you're not alone.

-- Ardie /WI (ardie54965@hotmail.com), December 31, 2001.

Irene, I'm sorry for your pain, and believe me when I say I understand. I will pray for you to be sure you have forgiven and that you find the peace that passes understanding. God Bless you.

-- Cindy (SE. IN) (atilrthehony@hotmail.com), December 31, 2001.

I am so sorry for the pain you have had in your life Irene. I know that many who "pose" as Christian can be very wicked. Many bad things have happened to many people on here, but I want to tell you something that always gives me comfort. God knows the truth! You just can't hide what kind of person you are from him. So while your father may have fooled those in the church, he never fooled God.

I know that he understands what pain and grief you have gone through. It is really a shame that no one knew the pain you were going through as a child. Many women and children in this world live with such unspeakable grief. But I have always thought that I would never be a victim. You didn't do anything wrong, and God is standing up for you. God bless you Irene.

-- Melissa (me@home.net), December 31, 2001.


I am sorry, Irene, that you had to endure such pain in silence for so many years. I am sorry you didn't have anyone you could trust to share this with when you were a young girl, or have anyone to stop it for you. I am glad that you trust us enough to share this part of your life with us.

I am angry at about the large number of men who try to hide their sin by being a stand up guy in church. I am angry at how they can manipulate those around them including Christians. Melissa is right. He may have fooled your mother and the congregation, but he never fooled you and he never fooled God. God says He will separate the wheat from the tares and sometimes that is hard to live with when all we want is justice. God will give you justice.

Now, I am not being insensitive, and I really don't want you to answer me, but for yourself, have you ever discussed this with any member of your family or the church members? I know in your pain you felt all alone but men like these usually victimize an average of 60 children in their lifetime. You are probably not alone in the pain this man has caused you and sharing with his other victims can go a long way toward healing.

I am sure as a young girl, you called out for God's help. That is why you are saved now. The most important thing is your relationship to HIM not sitting in a musty building with those who are clueless to your pain. Whenever two or more are gathered in His Name...Remember that part.

One thing you may wish to do is to call an abuse hotline and ask for a counselor or victims' advocate who is a strong Christian to come pray with you and talk. There are quite a few small groups these days of people just like you who have an aversion to organized church for the same reasons as you. You don't have to keep silent about it any more and you have a lot to offer others who are going through the same thing you did. You are NOT alone. God is with you.

God Bless You, Irene

-- Laura (LadybugWrangler@hotmail.com), December 31, 2001.


Child abuse can happen anywhere.

I would like everyone that has children and reads this, to know that anyone who is alone with your child, even play-pals can commit this action upon your children. Even as young as age 9.

You must be firm in getting your children to promise to be ready to need to avoid this, and to confide in you should this ever happen.

I am sorry you have this memory to haunt you. God Bless you Irene.

If you are a young person reading this, read it with your mom or dad.

-- Rick (Rick_122@hotmail.com), December 31, 2001.



I'm not one that grew up in a church going family. I became a Christian when I was pregnant with our first child. I am glad you came to know the Lord. I have had bad stuff in my life too, and if someone has never experienced it, thank God! I love that some Christians can not imagine anyone doing bad. It takes all kinds for the Kingdom :o) We are all different parts of the body. I am so sorry you experienced what you did. He was not a true Christian. I struggle with feeling that "too sweet" feeling, but I have been shown so much giving by a "sweet" Christian friend. If your father never paid in this life, you can bet he is paying for it in the other. Hell is everlasting for those who do not know God. We have to let God take care of what we cannot.

Being a mom, I would have struggled with the urge to sock him myself, but the fact is, people just didn't know. I knew someone that quit going to a church because no one could tell she was raped. I just thought she was tired, she worked nights. You don't go up to someone and ask if a major crime has been committed. You talk to them and see if they mention anything odd. She never did, and I feel rotten that I didn't "know" enough to be there for her.

God Bless ya Irene. I am glad you can mention it now.

-- notnow (notnow@blabla.com), December 31, 2001.


Did I miss somthing here? Your blaming the Church for the abuse you father did to you?

-- Gary (gws@columbus.rr.com), December 31, 2001.

Gary I'm hoping that it is your correct email addy as I just sent you a letter. Publicly, I will say that Irene is a very brave and strong woman to have shared this with us. Obviously, she knows that she will never be hurt or humiliated in Country Families. Christianity is not at fault...her father was. I think that there is a special place in Hell for people who hurt children that way. Irene, please know that we all care for you very much. I think that you could help a lot of girls and woman who also have been sexually abused. Take care now and God bless!

-- Ardie/WI (ardie54965@hotmail.com), December 31, 2001.

Yes Gary, unless you have personally been involved in such a crisis, how do you know who you would blame? Growing up in a violent situation, I always wondered how people could not know! It seemed so obvious to me, how could others not see it? Perhaps they chose not to.

What might seem to make sense to you, doesn't make sense to someone who has lived through such agony. Here at Country Families, we try to encourage and accept others and help in a kind and caring way. Sometimes it is not what people say but how they say it that is the trouble. I realize you may not have read some of the previous rules about how we try to post and answer. Thank you.

-- Melissa (me@home.net), December 31, 2001.


Melissa, I ask a simple and straight forward question. Nothing more. Irene's story start about fathers abuse then she ware scared of church. I am trying to get clarifiacation on this association.

I know I can't understand the pain of such a trama but I do know who was at fault. It was the father not the church.

-- Gary (gws@columbus.rr.com), December 31, 2001.



In answer to {its not the churchs fault}As a child, knowing what Sunday would bring,And the fact that all the church people thought he was so wonderful, got all twisted in my mind. The church and sexual abuse got all mixed up. This went on for years. I was a only child, and tried to please my father, I know it seems crazy after all these years, but sitting in church has at times made me ill. I have had to run to bath room. I finially got pass that, Its the association, the music, the building, Untill you have lived it , It doesn"t go away.I feel for any one who has been abused by a family member.I had therapy for several years.They aways said why didn"t you tell some one. Well I thought it was my fault.And my mom was sickly, and some how I knew he would go to jail maybe, and my mom couldn"t take care of herself. My husband knows and has been a sweet heart all these years. I just don"t think people relize how deep this gets in your brain as a child.I really can"t say why I have brought it up at this time. Thanks everyone. You all have been kind. Love Irene

-- Irene texas (tkorsborn@cs.com), December 31, 2001.

Gary your inquiry is innocent, genuine, and valid.

When I think of my favorite sweet and spicey hot wings, I start to salivate this is a good association.

I know a man who was sexually abused as a boy. How do you think he would feel if he were to see a replica of some item ( a tv, or carpet, or drapes etc.) that he had stared at while he waited for the torture to end?

I'm trying to give you a comparison of how Irene has felt for 60 or so years.

-- Rick (Rick_122@hotmail.com), December 31, 2001.


Sorry Gary, I realized when I wrote what I did, that you meant it in a way that you really wanted to understand the association, because if I thought you meant it otherwise, I probably wouldn't have let it stay.

That is why I said sometimes it isn't what you say but how you say it. Often times this screen media, seems harsher than it really is. For example I might have said something like this:

Irene, I really feel badly for the pain and grief you have been through, however I am wondering why you associate this travesty your father committed with the church?

This would have conveyed the same idea, but in a way that showed empathy for her thoughts and feelings, and given her the opportunity to explain (as she so eloquently did) the reasoning behind her association.

Believe me I struggle with this myself. Many times I write and re- write my posts and answers on here, so that I stay true to the thoughts I am trying to convey, but not to ever take the chance of inadvertently hurting anyones feelings.

"Remmeber we all shatter in different places"

-- Melissa (me@home.net), December 31, 2001.


Melissa, we all have different voices and different sensitivities. Most men with whom I communicate can speak pretty abruptly. It saves time and no harm is intended. Many women with whom I communicate are much more sensitive in the way they say things - to my taste often to the point of being unclear. Big difference between cultures too! In latin cultures in which I have lived your worst enemy was very formally polite as he skewered your guts. But I saw a Japanase movie the other night where people who were intimate friends just walked away from each other at the "end" of a conversation. No goodbye, no see ya later, etc.

Irene's experience is truly horrifying. My heart goes out to her.The disgusting hypocracy gives me a shiver. Still, I suspect Irene's Dad carried his guilt through the rest of his life. What an unimaginable burden, to know that you mistreated a child, your own at that. I hope that before he died he had to confront this sin, confess it before God, and that he was redeemed by Christ no less than the cruelest psycopath or murderer.

-- charles (cr@dixienet.com), January 01, 2002.


Good points Charles, I am in agreement with you in all you say. Often times some people do have a more abrupt style. I have had my feelings hurt sometimes by remarks made by people who have this style. However once you get to know them it is easy to see that this is just the normal way they communicate.

We do all have many differences and as I said this medium is often difficult to convey your feelings, as people can't see or hear the inflection of your voice.

-- Melissa (me@home.net), January 01, 2002.



I just wanted to state here that I feel so sorry for all the little girls who have gone through this. This stuff is in the church more than any of us would like to admit. But it doesn't always go unnoticed. We once had a very perceptive pastor who, referring to a well-liked and well-respected member of the congregation, stated to his wife that he felt this person was abusing his little girl. Turned out he was right. The man was exposed for what he was, left the church, and was forced by his wife and the courts to leave his family. To this day he has not repented to the best of our knowledge. He was never prosecuted because the courts lost the daughter's testimonial and she didn't want to go through it all again. But at least the daughter is healing and has not turned away from God and the church.

I don't usually post on threads I don't have first hand knowledge of, but I felt that somebody somewhere needed to know that not every evil man masquerading as a "Christian" gets away with it. Also, talk to your children about these things sometimes. This young girl may never have told anyone, but that her mother somehow got onto the topic and said to her daughter, "Your daddy would never do that." Her response was quite shocking: "But he does, Mommy."

-- Cathy N. (keeper8@attcanada.ca), January 04, 2002.


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