I luv Newcastle me, and i have done ever since keegan managed us. Now I want to join in with the best fans in the world. What do i have to do to join in with the toony toony loony army? Ive been eating loads of pies this xmas and ive bicked me head so im rite baldy now. im gettting me fat belly done up with 'nufc'this week. what else can i do to be like you? smash my face in with a brick? ill stand out being good lookin otherwise. ive shrunk fit me shirt so it barely fits. any advice will be gladly received, then i can really feel like a mag and impress people everywhere!

-- Anonymous, December 27, 2001

Answers

......just keep wearing the sack, bonny lad!

-- Anonymous, December 27, 2001

Dear oh dear. Words fail me on this although your comment Bill suffices on this occasion.

Bitter? Not them!

-- Anonymous, December 27, 2001

Sorry - meant Clarky not Bill. (Too much Xmas sherry?)

-- Anonymous, December 27, 2001

Dead funny that mind! Takes a special kind of person to spend time setting up an email address just so they can post drivel on someones board. A bit of advice bonny lad, get yourself some self esteem and a backbone and then come back to chat. Or you can go back to your own board and tell yer schoolgirl chums how you managed to wind up 500,000,000 geordies. ta-ta

-- Anonymous, December 27, 2001

After recent results nothing's gonna change my good humour so I actually found that post quite funny. Very well done John. I can assume that's your real name can I ?

-- Anonymous, December 27, 2001

Of course I hope he/she knows that number is 500 million, since that's how many season ticket holders we have..........honest it is, me ma telt iz.

-- Anonymous, December 27, 2001

Me too Loony. Aah'm with JM on this. Myetrouble is, none of the bliddy tatoo shops have enough ink fer me. Myned, it'll be an aaful lot different after new year when aah gaan on me diet lyek.

-- Anonymous, December 27, 2001

Hey John , nice to have you on board. Mebbe we could meet at a match sometime or have a drink down the Strawbeery ?Me and my friends like to meet there and have a bottle of Newkey broon or two before getting ready for the 'big event ' of the week which is to watch 'the toon'. Some weeks we are particularly lucky and have a reaaaallly big match like playing our local rivals. We think its dead funny to call them the mackems. Really they are just like us, but we pretend they are a bunch of idiots who arent part of normal society.. tee hee dead funny isnt it? We have a bit of a clique on here , where we have 'in' jokes and that, and sometimes we even go out socially together and act a little bit like a real community. I know that there's loads of people who are dead jealous of us, cos of how close knit we are and all that. If you want to join our clique , you have to come to the Strawbeery and meet us all. We all talk quite posh too like, most of us are middle class, some are even vicars , and its probably best if you play second fiddle to the more senior members of the clique until you establish yourself a bit ( iLL point out the really important one's who you shouldnt upset) . Anyway what i think would be best is if you learnt a few good songs, like the Blaydon Races , its a dead good song that we think is brilliant cos noone else sings it . The funny thing about the song is , even though we sing it over and over again we never get bored of it. I tell yer man its great being one of the 'Toon army' ,I really feel like Ive got an identity . In fact other mebers of the Toon army know who you are and say hello even when you're on holiday. Shall i tell you another dead funny thing we do ?Well its really only to get a bit of attention like , but we ALWAYS wear our ' Toon Tops' when we are on wor holidays . Cool eh? It makes me feel a million miles tall , and hey I tell yer what sometimes I even think im hard too. John I tell yer man you've made the right decision becoming a toon fan , and that Booby Robson , well one of the older fellas at the Strawbeery even said he walks on water. Imagine that eh ? I know he's an auld gadgee but walking on water .. ehh hey Im sure theyre pulling me leg like. Anyway John like I said all these lovely people ( did I mention how hard they all are ? ) come on here a lot and they even talk to each other and that ... sometimes even not about football too . Its great this Newcastle United business , and being top of the league and that too , hey I just wish Id been supporting them all me life , cos then Id bea real proper ' Tooner ' . See you in the Strwaberry then eh ? Im the one who looks nowt like Sting.

-- Anonymous, December 27, 2001

Hey JM , I forgot the ;-) . That means we are all mates and that gettit ;-) .

-- Anonymous, December 27, 2001

Whatever happened to 'peace and goodwill to all' in this festive season? It's a noble aspiration but I guess some people will never change...

-- Anonymous, December 28, 2001

His comments really take the shine off the 61 goals we've scored all season, the lovely ground football we play and the fact that even if we have a sh*te second half of the season, we've had more fun so far than he has had in 20 years...

-- Anonymous, December 28, 2001