Today's Joke:

Calling For Technical Support:

Ring... Ring... Ring... Ring... Ring.... Ring... Ring... Ring... Ring... Ring... Ring... Ring...Ring... Ring... Ring... Ring... Ring... Ring... Ring... Ring...Ring...

Automated Answer: Thank you for calling Technical Support. All of our technicians are currently busy helping people even less competent than you, so please hold for the next available technician. The waiting time is now estimated at between fifteen minutes and eternity. In order to expedite your call, please punch your 63-digit product identification number onto your telephone touch pad, followed by your product serial number, which can be found in a secret compartment inside your computer where, for security purposes, it is printed in the smallest typeface known to mankind. Do that now.

Quick Wit

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

IT WAS CHRISTMAS DAY, and we had all gathered for the holiday meal at the home of my husband's parents. After dessert, my mother-in-law left the table and returned carrying a bowl filled with slips of paper. Each adult was instructed to take one. Excited, we did so, wondering what surprise she had thought up for us. My slip of paper instructed me to dry the dishes; another person was told to wash them. Others had to do pots and pans. Then, with all the parents out of the way, Grandma and Grandpa went into the living room and enjoyed their grandchildren. -- Contributed to Reader's Digest "Life In These United States" by Merna Alexander

-- Anonymous, December 26, 2001

Answers

WHY MEN GET OUT OF BED . . . A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night. 5% said it was to get a glass of water, 12% said it was to go the toilet, 83% said it was to go home. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A MAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST... He's sitting at the table and his son is on the cover of the box of Wheaties. His mistress is on the cover of Playboy. And his wife is on the back of the milk carton.

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My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight!" He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

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It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

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A couple are lying in bed. The man says: "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says : "I will surely miss you."

-- Anonymous, December 26, 2001