Friday, December 21, 2001

Quote of The Day

A guy phones the local hospital and yells, "You've gotta send help! My wife's in labor!" The nurse says, `Calm down. Is this her first child?' He replies, 'No! This is her husband!"

--Sweden's entry in the Funniest Joke in the World contest held by the Laughlab at the University of Hertfordshire.

Short Cuts will be "linkless" this morning. All these quotes are on the site today - another sneaky way to teach you how to use our search function.

We particularly liked this quote from Sally Struthers, the better fed half of those starving children ads: "You may not be able to undo the animal suffering caused by your fur coat, but by donating it to PETA you can help alleviate human suffering in war-torn Afghanistan." She makes it sound like our furs have been out stomping puppies about town without us.

"I'm not an American first, I'm a reporter first," Mike Wallace, 60 Minutes seems to have said this some time ago but that doesn't make it any less appalling.

"Fox News has been offering the most patriotic news reporting we've seen in two generations; it'll be a real shame if Geraldo discredits that effort." -Jonah Goldberg in his Chicago Tribune column.

"Parma is synonymous with good cuisine. The Finns don't even know what prosciutto is. I cannot accept this." -Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi on whether the European food safety agency should be put in Helsinki, Finland, or Parma, Italy.

"An earlier study showed that most students at big name universities like Harvard and Stanford did not know the date of the attack on Pearl Harbor. You have to have a sense of humor if you follow politics. Otherwise, the sheer fraudulence of it all will get you down."- Thomas Sowell

Here's a new cultural phenomenon to deal with: Architect Guilt. Reed Johnson, in the L.A. Times wrote: "As they wrestle with September's legacy, some wonder if big, attention-seeking buildings might somehow have contributed to the anti-American rage unleashed on New York."

"They are trying to pin the bin Laden thing on us." - Bill Clinton, quoted by an anonymous source who had attended secret legacy-saving meetings with the former President.

"I feel very uncomfortable talking about these meetings," said Sandy Berger, Mr. Clinton's former national security adviser. This tells us that he is probably the source of the quote above.

"The blind drive to win, is a hallmark of the Bush family clan. One thing that G. W.'s childhood friends told me repeatedly was that he has to win, he absolutely has to win and if he thinks he's going to lose, he will change the rules or extend the play. Or if it really is bad he'll take his bat and ball and go home." -Gail Sheehy, quoted in a NYTimes article today on Bush and the stimulus bill. Somehow this personal trait doesn't make us uncomfortable. Who wants a president with a blind drive to lose?

We rush out now for more ribbon but not before inviting all loyal Ldotters to our virtual Christmas party online all weekend. Come along, wear your p.j.s or come naked if you like, noone will know (just don't tell us when you come online.) Crank up your best graphics and kindest words. The Ldot doors open at midnight. Drop in, drop out, drop in again. There's always someone to chat with. We will be here all weekend. People have already promised tons of virtual food on our Support Thread. The virtual drinks are on us.

-Your Jingle Jangled LComStaff - (who have always lived by that Christmasy truth that, "there's a pony under here somewhere.")

-- Anonymous, December 21, 2001

Answers

www.lucianne.com/

They may be linkless, but we still remember how to do it.

-- Anonymous, December 21, 2001