Martha Stewart vs. me : LUSENET : Unk's Troll-free Private Saloon : One Thread

Martha's way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.

Martha's way #2: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha's way #3: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

My way: Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.

Martha's way #4: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up".

My way: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. My motto: I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes.

Martha's way #5: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

My way: Celery? Never heard of the stuff.

Martha's way #6: Brush some beaten egg white over piecrust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

My way: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust and so I don't do it.

Martha's way #7: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

My way: Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't rub a lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and then the problem isn't the headache anymore, it is because you are now BLIND!

Martha's way #8: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

My way: Leftover wine? Now that's hilarious!

Martha's way #9: If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

My way: Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.

Martha's way #10: Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. Just slice and rub raw potato on the stains and rinse.

My way: Mashed potatoes will not be replacing the anti-bacterial soap in the handy dispenser next to my sink. Eventually the stain will disappear on its own.

-- Maria (, December 20, 2001


That WAS funny, Maria, although I'd never thought to use a little bit of the dry cake mix to throw into the pan before baking. I went next- door and borrowed a tablespoon of flour. My neighbor said, "You can have MORE, ya know." I said, "It's the swish and toss thing. Any more and it will STILL go in the garbage." [My flour is now in a tightly encased container. I NEVER want to get weevils again.]

-- Anita (, December 20, 2001.


Now here is my favorite episode of her TV show. Someone told me it would be on and I taped it. She was talking about truffels. White ones. She said they were 5 or 600 dollars a pound; don't remember. She spent a few minutes interviewing the seller in NY. She spent 5 minutes telling you how to use them on salad. She then spent 15 to 20 minutes explaining how to store your leftover truffels. Sure was useful for me. I buy 600 dollar/pound truffels all of the time. ;o))).

Best Wishes,,,,


-- Z1X4Y7 (, December 20, 2001.

Z, you should look into buying yourself a truffle-hunting pig. Just remember - in order to keep the pig interested, you must let it eat 10% or so of the truffles it locates. When they have outlived their usefulness, truffle pigs are said to have a delicious flavor, although I doubt you could sell a truffle-pig ham for anything like $600/lb.

Martha dresses her truffle pigs in matching gingham frocks and uses them as greeters at her famous dinner parties.

-- Little Nipper (, December 20, 2001.


I don't need to. As I mentioned in an earlier thread, the person across the hall at work studies commercial production of mushrooms. He isn't allowed to sell them. Next year the truffles will start coming in.

For this year, I have my truffle bin filled with rosemary infused olive oil [per Martha]. The truffle auger is oiled up and ready. The dump truck full of truffles will be here at 7:00 in the morning and I am ready. ;o))))

Best Wishes,,,,


-- Z1X4Y7 (, December 20, 2001.

Z, you lucky man! No doubt, when you have outlived your usefulness you will have a delightful flavor.

-- Little Nipper (, December 20, 2001.

Martha is my female ideal. She never answers my letters. What should I do?

-- (, December 20, 2001.


-- helen (eh@ah.oh!), December 20, 2001.

Lars you need to stalk her. Also, instead of sending letters, have an airplane sky write love messages over her house.

-- Butt Nugget (, December 21, 2001.

BN, I don't know if that will work for Lars. I think what he needs to do is send her handcrafty items made with his own two hands.

-- Peter Errington (, December 21, 2001.

Bun warmers sounds like a good gift, Lars. Or how 'bout nut crackers? I guess it all depends on your obsessiveness. Thanks for my morning chuckle.

-- Maria (, December 21, 2001.

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