From The New York Times (a paid advertisement, no less) - all names have been changed to protect the tacky. Y'all:

Katie Jones Byers & Paul Byers Celebrate Their First Anniversary

Katie Jones Byers and Paul Byers recently celebrated their one year wedding anniversary. On September 9, 2000, Katie and Pail exchanged their vows on the picturesque lawn of the Sunnydale Mansion in West Orange, NJ. The Reverend Alder DuBois, Pastor of the Peapod Reformed Church in Gladstone, New Jersey officiated.

Paul and Katie were introduced through their mutual friend, Ms. Cathy LaScala. Upon their meeting the couple instantly fell in love. On their third date, just three days after having met one another, the couple had openly declared their love for each other and was already discussing marriage.

One month before Katie was to graduate from Elom College, with her degree in elementary education, she returned home for a brief weekend visit in which she had planned to meet Michael that Friday on the beach. When Katie arrived it was to the grandeur of a torch lit rose petal path leading down the beach to several boqouets of flowers and her tuxedo-clad beloved barefoot in the sand. It was here Paul proposed and Katie accepted, sending her back to school to share with her sisters of Sigma Sigma Sigma Sorority the most important event in her life thus far.

Paul Byers is the General Manager of Gary Acura in Gary, New Jersey. He attended St. Michael's By The Sea High School and the College of Staten Island. He is the son of Mrs. Laura Byers, a housewife, in Staten Island.

Katie Jones Byers is a second grade teacher at Westminster School in New Jersey. She is the daughter of W. Rod and Dianne Jones of Far Hills, New Jersey. Mr. Jones is CEO and PResident of Jones Automotive Limited, with ten dealership locations throughout New Jersey. Mrs. Jones is involved in equestrian events.

Katie and Paul Byers reside in beautiful Joystone, New Jersey where they renovated what was once part of an old car dealership.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

Answers

Y'all. The information we can glean from this announcement makes me want to shut my eyes and laugh and laugh and laugh. What do y'all think? Outrageously tacky, or in perfectly good taste?

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

Where do I start?

How bout this: the renovated an old CAR dealership?!

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

. . . the Sunnydale Mansion . . .

T, did you change that? Either way it's way too funny.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

Mrs. Jones is involved in equestrian events.

And this is important why? So her mom rides horses? Big deal. But I guess that's the whole point of this...who cares!!

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

The Peapod Reformed Church?!

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

I slightly changed some of the names so no one from the church would google us, leaving us to face the wrath of every tacky riche in New Jersey - but here you go. The real names:

They were married on the lawn of the Peasantdale Chateau by the pastor of the Peapack Reformed Church.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

Hahahahahaaaa. Peapack? That's even bettah.

But seriously. A renovated car dealership?

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

I like how he sells cars and her dad sales cars. Uh yeah he was declaring love after 3 dates, he wanted a J O B.

That's just. . . heh. I would love to have seen their actual wedding announcement in the paper.

Oh, wait. Isn't the first year anniversary paper? Maybe this is an anniversary gift from their mutual friend Ms. Cathy LaScala. Because why else would her name be there?

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

The part that got me (besides the tack car dealership ad that they slipped into the already paid wedding announcement) was this:

When Katie arrived it was to the grandeur of a torch lit rose petal path leading down the beach to several boqouets of flowers and her tuxedo-clad beloved barefoot in the sand. It was here Paul proposed and Katie accepted, sending her back to school to share with her sisters of Sigma Sigma Sigma Sorority the most important event in her life thus far.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

Y'all, I looked at the Peapack Reformed Church website. That minister should be exempted from this discussion, since he has a decidedly non-tacky resume.

By the way, I just noticed:

. . . in which she had planned to meet Michael that Friday on the beach . . .

So she planned to meet Michael, and ended up accepting Paul's proposal. That skank!

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

(Uh, I forgot to change the name there - Michael is the guy's real name, and Paul is the pseudonym I gave him.)

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

Sigma Sigma Sigma? Is that a real sorority?

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

Yes it is.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

Is announcing a first anniversary common? Oh, I don't think so and the concept of the announcement is tacky too.

It makes the cynic in me think their friends and family were sure it would never last and Ms. Cathy LaScala bought the advertisement to rub it in their faces. But that's just me. I don't give the marriage another year.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

I can't stop thinking about this, ever since I saw it. I mean, I've seen some tacky wedding announcements in my day, and even if this was a wedding announcement, it would take the cake. But a PAID AD? For the one year anniversary?? In the New York Times??

And I'm not even going to repeat the cattiest comment T made about the ad.

And a tiny little malicious part of me is waiting for T and C's one year anniversary, to take out a similarly worded ad. If I didn't think she'd die of the shame.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

I think they're probably both socially inept weirdos and Cathy is really Katie's alter-ego and she took out the ad to say In Your Face Brian Christiansen for standing me up on PROM NIGHT!

But that's just a theory.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

I don't think that wedding announcements, in and of themselves, are tacky. In fact, they're perfectly appropriate - and sometimes expected - if they are a simply worded announcement (bride's name, grooms's name, where they live, the wedding date, parents' names, etc.) accompanied by a picture of the bride only. My family is planning on running one in our hometown newspaper, and C's family will run one in his hometown newspaper. Nothing wrong with that, at all.

But. To buy an advertisement - in The New York Times, no less - and to fill the announcement with crap about a rose petal pathway and Beloved's toes in the sand, is tasteless.

(Actually, I take issue with the way that many of the Times wedding announcements are worded. I mean, do we really need to know that both the bride and the bridegroom's previous marriages ended in divorce? Must we learn through the wedding announcement that the bride will be keeping her name professionally? Aren't those things that your friends and family should already know?

Sara A. and other New Yorkers, help me out, here - is this a Manhattan thing that I just won't ever understand? I've been dwelling on the whole Times announcement thing for a while, now.)

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

Ooh - tell me what I said, Naked Hannah! Or email me if it's really catty - I forgot what I said.

And props to Naked Hannah for pointing this ad out in the first place - I actually dragged the Style section out of the recycle pile the other night to see this atrocity for myself.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

But it's not a wedding announcement. It's a we-made-it-to-our-first-anniversary annoucement. Big, big difference.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

That's so tacky it is not to be believed. And although they vary from school to school, the tri-Sig thing made me giggle for reasons too catty to go into in this, most polite and classy, forum. That whole thing screams new money to me. I would pay very dearly to see that couple's wedding photo. I need to see the dress.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

Alas, the photo only showed the loving couple's faces. They were all decked out in their wedding garb, and oh, how I wish there was a full- length shot of the bride's dress.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

Okay to sidetrack a bit. . . why is only appropriate for the bride's picture to be in the wedding announcement?

Doesn't this propegate the out-dated, we would hope, belief that the wedding day is the "bride's day" and the groom is merely a well- dressed accessory to her childhood fantasies come true?

Plus doesn't a picture of the bride only pretty much smack of out- dated, we would hope, "looky here at my pretty new possession, don't you wish you had one" wives-are-property patriarchial crap?

Not that we did newspaper wedding announcements at all because I don't really think people we don't know care and the people who do care were there and already aware. But I am kind of shocked that the "proper" way to do things is still the "weddings are about the woman, marriages are about the man" way. That's just sad. I'm glad I ain't got good taste and manners.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

I really can't get past the fact that they live in a car dealership. I know this is my third post mentioning it, but for REALS, y'all. I can't wrap my head around it.

And how he's the son of a "housewife." I'm sure his mom was pleased that she's a "housewife" (yet with no mention of a father).

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

(Actually, I take issue with the way that many of the Times wedding announcements are worded. I mean, do we really need to know that both the bride and the bridegroom's previous marriages ended in divorce? Must we learn through the wedding announcement that the bride will be keeping her name professionally? Aren't those things that your friends and family should already know?

Sara A. and other New Yorkers, help me out, here - is this a Manhattan thing that I just won't ever understand? I've been dwelling on the whole Times announcement thing for a while, now.)

The NYT wedding announcements are an entity unto themselves. The regular announcements aren't paid. In fact, this is the first time I've ever noticed anyone paying for any sort of wedding announcement in the Times. In other words, you aren't supposed to be able to buy your way in. If this had been a regular wedding announcement, I bet the ad would have been rejected. They only cover weddings that took place in the week before and including the day of the announcement.

The articles are written and fact-checked by Times editorial staff, but I know they don't do such a hot job with the fact checking, because my girlfriends have been known to slip evil jokes into their announcements that got past the fact-checkers. There was also a big brouhaha not too long ago when a couple stated that they were Sally Rockefeller Jones and Brian DuPont Smith, and they were not.

There's a whole slew of facts they ask for, but I'm pretty sure previous marriages isn't one of them. However, a wedding announcement is a public "change of status" announcement, and therefore including disposition on names and previous unions seems to be a logical extension of that.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

Slickery, both Emily Post and Letitia Baldridge say that in the newspaper announcement, only a headshot of the bride should be used. Neither says why it is this way; it just is. Letitia, though, does concede that increasingly, more newspapers are accepting photos of both the bride and the groom.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

Sara - thank you! I definitely see the "change of status" point. I didn't realize that the announcements were actually written by Times writers, and not submitted by the bride.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

Honestly, I think I'd feel like an idiot if it was just my big head in my announcement. I'd either go no photo or couple photo.

I wish we could see their original wedding announcement.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

I don't get how the Times tends to include little anecdotes about how they met, either. I mean, they can sometimes be cute stories, but it seems inappropriate to me.

The Times doesn't usually run to the tackiness I often see in the Star-Telegram. I mean, the point of including that the photography was done by Gittings is? I keep trying to think of a good reason to include that, and the name of the florist and caterer and the seven types of lace on the brides' veil, and can't think of one. Besides the "look at all the sackfuls of money we spent."

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

Here's a scan of the happy couple:

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

And I love, love, love how she got in her sorority affiliation. Not enough to say "The bride attended Elon College where she was a member of Sigma Sigma Sigma" for this girl.

And how they only renovated part of the old car dealership. What about the other part.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

Thank you! I have the ad at my office, but I haven't been able to scan it.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

I just ran a search. Interestingly, there was no wedding announce for this couple in the Times. Either they didn't make the cut, or they didn't submit.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

I meant "announcement."

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

Oh god, look at the doves with the hearts.

She looks like a 2nd grade teacher, and he looks like he should BE in the 2nd grade.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

The doves are the worst. Never seen cheap clip art in the Times before.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

The doves kill me.

But that must be why they ran this paid ad - because for some reason they didn't run an announcement when they got married.

Y'all are surprised at all the flagrant writing because wedding/birth/ and death announcement writing has become formulaic in the last several decades. Back in the day, all papers had writers on staff to cover this stuff. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe the NYT still has a wedding reporter. (Some smaller papers use obit writers, as well. Most, however, just have sales people on the obit desk, waiting to scheist you for every word you submit in memory of a loved one. Not that I am bitter about that, or anything.)

Nowadays, people write their own mostly, and it is up to them to play by Letitia's and Emily's rules.

I agree with Slickery about the hated "bride's day" vibe the solo photo gives off, but I also don't really like the couple photo. Maybe it's best to go with no photo, if one is concerned about those things.

I believe that picture-of-the-bride thing got started because it is normally the bride's family who sends out invitations and announcements. I like looking at the pictures, so it doesn't really bother me much.

I have to say, in regard to all this, that the Atlanta paper has one of the worst wedding pages I've ever seen.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

. . . the Atlanta paper has one of the worst wedding pages I've ever seen.

And the worst sports page, and the worst front page, and the worst comics page, and . . . ah, the Atlanta Joint o' Crap.

Anyway, yes, the Times still has Lois Smith Brady writing "Vows" every Sunday. If y'all haven't read Bobos in Paradise, the first chapter is a funny extended riff on the Times wedding announcements.

-- Anonymous, December 14, 2001

"It was here Paul proposed and Katie accepted, sending her back to school to share with her sisters of Sigma Sigma Sigma Sorority the most important event in her life thus far."

Funny - after reading this whole thing, I would have thought that Frontal Lobotamy she obviously must have had would have been the most important event in her life so far.

-- Anonymous, December 15, 2001

The car dealership renovation. Man alive. It's like they wanted to slip in there that Daddy (with ten dealerships!!!) is prosperous enough to give them a place to live, and simultaneously sound like they are so creative and interesting and ambitious they are RENOVATING a place.

Instead it sounds like they hung a bunch of vertical blinds over the showroom windows and their kitchen is a coffee pot, hot plate, water cooler, and popcorn popper.

-- Anonymous, December 17, 2001

Kristin, this computer doesn't belong to me, so you are lucky I controlled myself - if I had, in fact, spewed coffee all over AB's iBook, you would have had some 'splainin' to do.

Now, I obviously have nothing to say that hasn't already been said in the case of the lovely Katie and Paul.

But, in re: wedding announcements, I have to say that down here, they are accepted. It is just How Things Are Done. I want to have an announcement with bride-only-photo in Houston, and a little text-only one in Austin as well as whatever town the groom is from. Everyone rips on Houston because our announcements are so over-the-top, with the 5x7 photo and all, but it's just the way it's always been. I don't know about other places, but many of the top wedding photographers in Houston expect that their name will appear in the paper. If someone doesn't include the photographer's name, it makes me wonder if their guy was shady or Olan-Mills-ish.

Here are some of the Houston Chronicle announcements from this past weekend:

I won't be using names here because I knew this guy in college, and he's a tool (and so were all his groomsmen), but, trust me -- you didn't want to see his face in this picture in their announcement. And, this, for Houston, is the appropriate layout and content.

There is a lot of reading-between-the-lines to be done on these. For example, you can tell from this wording that
a) the groom is embarrassed by his job or is unemployed, since it isn't mentioned,
b) the bride wasn't initiated into Chi-O, or it would have said she was"an alumna," not "pledged," which also tells me that she probably left TCU for whatever reason that semester and came home to HBU, and
c) the person that wrote this announcement was a novice, as there are two typos and two protocol errors.

This one features one of my pet peeves - titles. They just shouldn't be used in these announcements unless somebody's a doctor. This one makes me just laugh and laugh, because she hit all my gag reflexes - cleavage in the bridal portrait, too much description on the dresses and flowers, and -- this is so petty -- but, I don't think one should have one's rehearsal dinner at the Junior League unless one is in the Junior League (though people do it all the time -- it's super-easy to get sponsored, and if you are having more than 70 or 80 people at your rehearsal the League is a very popular option). Also, it's tacky that she mentions what school she's working at, since no pre-school teachers ever do that -- but the one she's at is widely considered the very best pre-school in town, so I'm sure that's why it's there. And, 11 bridesmaids? and eight girls in the house party? Just shoot me.

Mentioning the family's connection to the Broadmoor: Tacky.

Again with the titles, ick... and don't include the state with the city unless it's out-of-state, fools. We know that Houston is in Texas (which shouldn't be "TX" in a formal announcement anyway.

so.... yeah... can you tell I read the Houston announcements religiously? I have been since I was old enough to read. I love analyzing them for tack factor, and also looking for friends, enemies and exes.

-- Anonymous, December 17, 2001

What is, or who are the house party? I've never heard of it.

-- Anonymous, December 17, 2001

The announcements PG posted are sure a far cry from what I've seen in the San Jose Mercury News. The announcements usually include a picture of both the bride and groom. Sometimes there's no picture, and sometimes it was obviously their engagement photo. The announcement itself it usually about two or three short paragraphs long. The information is bare bones, date, location, parent's names, bride and groom's occupations and where they live. But the content varies. I don't know if some people are lazy filling out the form our the newspaper takes a heavy hand with editing.

-- Anonymous, December 17, 2001

The house party is the ladies that are in your wedding party and still deserve recognition, but don't necessarily have a physical role in your ceremony - i.e. everyone but the bridesmaids.

Maybe it is the groom's girl cousins who will attend the guest book in the church foyer and hand out the programs, and the sorority sister that can't come in early from Germany to help as a bridesmaid but has offered to point out to the photographer at the reception who your extended family and special guests are, or the 7-mos.-pregnant high school chum who couldn't bear the idea of a navy moire cocktail suit.

Usually you would give the house party members a special corsage or flowers to wear the day of the wedding, and they are usually invited to attend all the parties and showers that a bridesmaid would be. Here we always have a special member of the house party walk for the bride at the rehearsal.

Also, in re: the Houston announcements -- there is no form to fill out. You have to provide the entire text to the newspaper copy-ready.

-- Anonymous, December 17, 2001

Those announcements are cracking me UP. I love the elaborate descriptions of the wedding gowns, and the name-dropping on the designers like the bride's gown was especially designed for her by Vera Wang when you know she bought the damn thing at David's for 50% off. And the political intricacies of having 11 bridesmaids plus whatever that House Party thing is render me speechless. Y'all, she teaches at the HOUSE OF POOH. She went to college to teach at the House of Pooh!!!

I swear, the south is so much different from what we do up here. Or maybe it's just Indianapolis and our lack of social strata. Our announcements are two paragraphs long, not more, not less. Everybody from the mayor's daughter to trailer trash get the same treatment. You will find a set amount of information and never anything more than that.

"Susan Anne Jones and Michael Allen Smith were married December 8 at Main Street Methodist Church. Their parents are Dr. and Mrs. John Jones of Shelbyville and Mr. and Mrs. Joe Grant and the late Allen Smith.

Susan graduated from Indiana University. She is a third grade teacher at Oak Grove Elementary. Michael attended Purdue University and is employed by Home Depot."

-- Anonymous, December 17, 2001

Y'all, she teaches at the HOUSE OF POOH. She went to college to teach at the House of Pooh!!!

I know. Normally the copy should be "works for Spring Branch ISD as a teacher." The only reason H.O.P. got mentioned, I'm swearing to God, is because it's such The Pre-School in Houston. You think she would have mentioned it if she were at La Petite Academy? I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess no. Houstonians are weird, y'all. I'm willing to acknowledge it even for my own self.

-- Anonymous, December 17, 2001

I want Pineapple to come over to my house with all the big papers every Sunday and laugh at the wedding announcements with me while we split a pitcher of Mimosas. That is all I want for Xmas.

-- Anonymous, December 17, 2001

Also from the Houston Chronicle...

http://www.chron.com/content/class/special/pages/C14292645.html

Boobs-n-Boots!

-- Anonymous, December 17, 2001

That is one scary photo, but if they're moving to Boston, I could see how they'd want to OD on the Texas theme.

-- Anonymous, December 17, 2001

I should start reading the Chronicle ...man oh man

I'm probably not getting married, so at least I don't have to worry about the announcements. um, mom had a tasteful one though; I saw it ...that was in Ohio though; small town...most knew each other.

-- Anonymous, December 17, 2001

That bride in boots is priceless - you Texans know that is EXACTLY how the rest of the world thinks you all get married, don't you?

-- Anonymous, December 17, 2001

well, fuck-all if I didn't just have drinks last week with two of Bride-in-Boots' attendants, y'all. I'm serious as cancer.

And, no, we don't get married in boots, nor do we all live on Southfork Ranch with J.R. Ewing and ride our horses to school. But y'all already know that. And see, I don't have a problem with B-n-B's boots. I think it's witty in a "we're from Texas and that's cool, and I hope that those MATH+1 bitches don't notice the announcement and rail on me" sort of way. At least they aren't white boots, which are also Never Right.

I have a problem with the cleavage... the cleavage, people. She could be hiding her flower girl in there.

Are you going to tell me it's ever appropriate to walk your skanky ass into a House of God with your tits hanging out? That's all I'm saying. You going to the J.P.? Then flaunt 'em if you got 'em. Go topless, for all I care. But I just have such a huge huge problem with cleavage in a church wedding.

-- Anonymous, December 18, 2001

Damn, PG, I'm glad you weren't at The Smoker's brother's wedding. You would've run the bride out of the church.

-- Anonymous, December 18, 2001

PG, now that I've see those pictures I can understand the "bride only" thing because I can't imagine a two person version of that craziness. Though the photographer credit just struck me as a required copyright notice.

Those annoucements read like obituaries with all the names and relationships.

And I thought my wedding was oh so tacky because we were dirt poor and had a cash bar for those who wanted to get drunk (though soda and juice were free).

-- Anonymous, December 18, 2001

Thank God we had a JP and got married at a restaurant because my boobies were showin'. ;)

I love that Boobs-n-Boots shared her "customary something-old" selections. I so needed to know that.

-- Anonymous, December 18, 2001

Stupid question: what is the JP?

-- Anonymous, December 18, 2001

Justice of the Peace, silly.

-- Anonymous, December 18, 2001

Oh. My. God. PG...thanks from the bottom of my recently betrothed heart. Those were some of the funniest damn announcements I ever have seen. I think Houston, Texas must be on a whole different plane of reality than Columbus, Ohio. And you know I'm about to go get our engagement sitting done and I'll be giggling the whole damn time. Here in Columbus, my engagement announcement and wedding announcement will not appear in the city's main paper. No one does that. Mine will appear only in the Upper Arlington News which is our suburban weekly which has a Society page. It's really very low key and almost all the announcements are pictures of the couple...not the bride alone. And amen to the bare bone facts...some of the brides here mention the details of their gowns and such, but we just have to laugh. Bottom line here in Columbus is that people can tell what kind of wedding you had by the photo and reception site.

However, and this I am VERY excited about, mine will be a horse of a different color, because our reception will be held at Ohio Stadium...at the SHOE! Yippee! Behind the luxury boxes on the third level of the stadium in the Huntington Club rooms. And I know for a fact that ours will be the first wedding reception they've hosted there as renevations were just completed in September. Let's just see what all the Society page hawks think of that! Ha! Actually, my fiance and I are fairly low key people and just want to throw a really fun party.

-- Anonymous, December 18, 2001

Y'all, I was so not about trying to insult anyone's choice of wedding, gown, or anything of the same of one's family or in-laws. I swear.

Sometimes my Inner Snob comes out and gets in a snit and has to be beaten back into submission with a tire iron and a bottle of Pearl and a bag of pork rinds.

Catherine - in Houston, the engagement announcements are about 1/100-th of the size, and do have the couple's engagement portrait featuring both. Congrats on your betrothal - hope you'll keep us all up to date over in the Wedding thread! (isn't there a wedding thread, y'all?)

[edited by AB to close tag]

-- Anonymous, December 18, 2001

PG -- I hope you don't think I was offended, because I really am not. I don't think you're snobby either. One of the reasons I love this forum is because of you charming Southerners and your crazy foreign ways! There are big cultural differences between the up here and down there (or maybe it's just Texas?), and I for one think it's all so interesting.

-- Anonymous, December 18, 2001

Did that fix it?

-- Anonymous, December 18, 2001

-- Anonymous, December 18, 2001

Don't make us take away your coding privliges, PG.

From a guy's perspective, I didn't really mind the cleavage in the engagement photos. But I can understand how it might not be the classiest thing in the world to be showing all that skin in a church.

-- Anonymous, December 18, 2001

Y'all know I secretly want to get married at the courthouse, drunk, and wear the most low-cut red dress I can find.

Sometimes I have these shameful thoughts, but I could never be so no-'count in reality, I guess.

-- Anonymous, December 18, 2001

Mrs. Jones is involved in equestrian events.

The first thing that popped into my head was "I bet she's got a gambling problem and spends all her time and money at the track."

-- Anonymous, December 18, 2001

Either that or "Hangs around at the track trying to pick up jockeys."

-- Anonymous, December 19, 2001

I'm picturing Mrs. Jones to be more like Mrs. Robinson.

-- Anonymous, December 19, 2001

Don't make us take away your coding privliges,[sic] PG.

Berman, I'll get on my coding errors right after you update your journal.

-- Anonymous, December 19, 2001

Maybe you'll get a holiday card, and maybe you won't.

And who cares that I can't spell? Really.

(Of course, I haven't even bought holiday cards yet, so there you go.)

-- Anonymous, December 19, 2001

Did anyone see the Vows column the other week?

I think the Vows column is kind of odd, in general, but I always like to read about how the couple met etc. But this one went on and on about the bride (who, granted, was a plus size fashion model) and her problems with her body image. And when she first told the groom about it. Etc. It was so bizarre- what does that have to do with their wedding?

-- Anonymous, March 05, 2002

The Vows Hannah is referring to.

-- Anonymous, March 05, 2002

Y'all. If you are a has-been, you are a has-been. If your 15 Minutes are up...

please, for the love of Christ... just let it go.

-- Anonymous, March 12, 2002

How sad am I that Dick Clark's name (Dick Clark Productions) is attached to that celebrity boxing?

Oh Dick, how could you?

-- Anonymous, March 12, 2002

Has everyone already seen this but me?

Y'all. Really.

-- Anonymous, March 27, 2002

Pineapple, that page was unavailable. What was it??

-- Anonymous, March 27, 2002

Screw. Try this one.

-- Anonymous, March 27, 2002

Oh, Sweet Jesus. That was so my Chuckle-and-Recoil of the day. Whew!

That totally beats the pint-sized mullet I saw on a little kid the other day.

-- Anonymous, March 27, 2002

Oh, lord. I'm so grossed out, now.

-- Anonymous, March 27, 2002

Holy Toledo, I am still crying with laughter...as soon as I compose myself I will be e-mailing that through the office so that I can hear the ripples of giggles through the sea of cubicles.

-- Anonymous, March 28, 2002

Holy Shit! That was the funniest thing I've seen all day!

-- Anonymous, April 02, 2002