My husband and I were married Methodist but our marriage was blessed by the Catholic Church six months later. Although we were both Catholic at the time we married Methodist, we weren't able to marry in the Catholic Church because he was still waiting for the annulment of his prior marriage. When the annulment was granted, we were allowed to have our marriaged blessed. We have been married for 8 years. We have only been intimate a few times over the past eight years and my husband revealed last year that he cannot be intimate with me because he was abused and molested as a child. He indicated that he probably won't ever be able to be intimate again so procreation isn't going to be an option for us. I entered the marriage under the belief that we would be able to have children and without full knowledge that he lacked the ability to be intimate. Based on those facts, I have three questions. Is my husband's failure to disclose his abuse and the issue that we won't be able to procreate valid grounds for an annulment in the Catholic Church? Does the fact that our marriage was only blessed by the Church eliminate the need for us to seek an annulment from the Church? And finally, do we need to complete the civil divorce process before we begin the annulment process with the Church?

Thank you for your help. Lorrie

-- Lorrie Proulx (ltproulx@aol.com), December 09, 2001

Answers

Jmj

Hello, Lorrie.
I was saddened to read about the difficult life through which you and your husband have been suffering.

Before saying anything else, I think that I have the responsibility to tell you that I am not answering your questions as an official representative of the Church, but only a layperson like yourself. Further, I am not a canon lawyer -- and your questions, if they really must be answered, are complex enough to need answers and advice from an expert in the Church's Law.

Since you do not mention any reference at all to an attempt to overcome your husband's problem, I have to assume that there has been none. For this reason, I do not despair that you may still be able to rescue your marriage. So I think that your references to "annulment" and "divorce" may be premature. I would recommend that, as soon as possible, you discuss your difficulties with your pastor. Perhaps an even better contact would be a Catholic priest or layman who is a psychologist -- part of a family counseling service that may be provided through your diocese's Catholic Charities. Treatment may exist that would allow you and your husband to carry on a fulfilling sexual relationship and to become parents.

In partial answer to your questions ...
The Church does not require prospective spouses to disclose past experience of abuse/molestation to each other. The Church permits infertile couples (e.g., a man and woman in their 60s) to be married, so the simple inability to procreate does not invalidate a marriage.

However, if the conseling/treatment I recommended fails, and if you choose to seek a Declaration of Nullity, you should discuss Canon 1084 (on impotence) with a canon lawyer. You referred to "being intimate" without mentioning an actual consummation of your marriage, so that is in issue for you to discuss with the lawyer. Another key Canon to be discussed is 1095, which states (in part): "The following are incapable of contracting marriage ... those who, because of causes of a psychological nature, are unable to assume the essential obligations of marriage." Another issue is whether, contrary Canon 1096, your husband (on your wedding day) was unwilling to agree to fathering children. The relationship of the timing of a divorce and a nullity process is another subject for you to discuss with a canon lawyer.

You asked, "Does the fact that our marriage was only blessed by the Church eliminate the need for us to seek an annulment from the Church? "
It is not correct to use the words, "only blessed." Provided there were no barriers to validity, the Church's action six months after the Methodist ceremony was as effective at "ratifying" or "curing" your union -- and making it Sacramental -- as if the wedding had taken place during a nuptial Mass.

Wishing you the best in your future consultations, I will pray that God's will be done in your life.
John

-- (jfgecik@hotmail.com), December 09, 2001.

Lorrie,
I wish to add something on the subject of divorce. A canon lawyer, Monsignor Kevin Quirk, was asked a question similar to one of yours. This is how he replied:
"Yes, it is necessary, in the Dioceses of the United States, to have received a civil decree of divorce before one can apply for [a Declaration of Nullity]. This is done for two reasons. First, the Tribunal is required to ensure that the parties have exhausted every attempt at reconciliation and that the common life between them has utterly failed before it considers the validity of their marriage. Second, the Tribunal must protect itself from 'alienation of affection' suits or defamation suits lodged by one of the parties."

[When I answered you earlier, I thought that the foregoing was true, but I didn't want to state it without getting confirmation.]
God bless you.
John

-- (jfgecik@hotmail.com), December 09, 2001.