City (extended) family doesn't get it

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Hi:

Just wondering if any of you are in the same boat. I grew up in a very urban family. Six years ago, my husband and I moved to the country for a job. We didn't intend to stay forever, but now I think we will! We get closer and closer to the homestead ideal, everyday. I was the one who had to change more..my husband grew up in the country.

Unfortunately, my mother and brothers just don't get it! They're not interested in coming to visit, and there's little (or none) I can share with them about the joys of living in the country (for me). They'd probably turn up their noses. I'm not trying to say that all urbanites have this mentality, I don't think they do. I think this is more of a thing with my family of birth. Interesting thing is that after my dad died (4 years ago), we learned that he had always wanted to live on a farm. I had no idea. But looking back, it makes sense. After my parents divorced, he learned to cook, did some canning, and became an avid gardener. He was always very frugal too. Of course, the rest of my family scoffed at him, like they probably scoff at me now!

Oh well...That's what friends are for and I have some good ones, as well as an excellent, supportive husband. Homesteading is our joy and hobby, a thing we pursue together, a style of life. This family stuff shouldn't bother me...I think it's just worse around the holidays.

Just curious if any of you have faced (not sure of the right word here)...pressure, derision, baffled or perplexed looks, etc. from relatives regarding your homesteading or country lifestyles.

thanks.

-- Cat (catcrazy@somewhere.com), December 07, 2001

Answers

Most of my family is supportive. They are all rather amused and perplexed by my tightwad tendencies though. Sometimes they think I am just crazy!!

Families should support each other, and I would just keep telling them all the fun things you are doing and how much you love your life. When they see how important it is to you, maybe they will come around and visit you.

-- Melissa (me@home.net), December 07, 2001.


Yes Cat, we are loonies too. We prefer reading, and an occaisional movie rental to picking the best tv show on because we have to watch. Heaven on earth to us, is a campsite with quiet, animals, and shelter.

Our drawback is we have purchased an undeveloped homestead 7 hours away from our children and parents, so we'll be doing quite a bit of driving in the years to come!

You can't change them, and don't let them change you.

-- Rick (Rick_122@hotmail.com), December 07, 2001.


Most city and suburban people don't have a clue. For that matter most country people don't either. They've been there done that when "they were a kid" "I did that for 20 year" "I used to do that, it's just too much hard work?" "That's for you younger folks". Look around and see how many 'country folk' have gardens, clothesline, or even a dog outside. There are even those that are jealous because we've found our lot in life.

Even homesteaders have a varrying degree of do-abaility in them. To some it's just something to dream about and to others it just a hobby.

I don't think there are 'a whole lot of us homesteaders', I think we're a chosen lot and blest because we do what God has called us to do and I think we should give it all we've got. If you need support you can e-mail me or many others on this forum as well as on A Country Place, and Self-reliant, Freedom forums. We have lots of good information and support for you. Enjoy your uniqueness:~}

-- Cindy (SE. IN) (atilrthehony@hotmail.com), December 07, 2001.


You know, Cat, I really don't care what my relatives in the city think of me. But then...I never cared about their opinions when I lives in the city either! Gosh, I sound like a crotchety old lady! LOL!

-- Ardie /WI (ardie54965@hotmail.com), December 07, 2001.

Most of my family think we are too extreme and totally backwards. My son is going to turn out all weird and backwards because he is homeschooled, has chores and learns respect everyday. To them gardening is going to the sale rack at walmart and getting a .99cent catus plant. They tell me they are praying for me daily and pray I will find my way back to a "decent" life. They think I am going through a rough phase because of a abusive relationship. They do not get it and more than likely won't. Stick to your guns, believe, share with those who will listen and follow your heart and dreams. It matters not what others think only what God knows about you!! I laugh and tell them I am praying for them to find the thing that eludes them, and I have it INNERPEACE!! God Bless-

-- Micheale from SE Kansas (mbfrye@totelcsi.net), December 07, 2001.


Yes, my hubby and I are considered the "odd" ones in his family, and get lots of derision from them. My family is limited to my grandmother now, who is also a homesteader herself, so I get lots of support and information from her. Hubby's family calls me "pioneer girl" which to tell you the truth, bugs the heck out of me. They love to ask me if I "know who the jolly green giant is", and "dont I know what grocery stores are for???" Never stops them from asking for jelly, or green beans, or soap though. They have themselves wrapped up in the buybuybuy mentality, they do nothing but work, and spend no time with their children, and believe me, it shows in how their kids act. They dont get it either. They think we are out of our minds that we want to live further from the city than we already are, and that we are nuts to want to raise more of our own food. Since we plan to homeschool too, thats more for them to harp on us for. Needless to say, I limit the ammount of time I have to spend with them.

One things for sure, when the you-know-what hits the fan, we will be ready, and they will be hungry.

Take care!

-- Judy L. (quiltjude@iwon.com), December 07, 2001.


I guess around here, it is still rural enough that everything I do somebody does, but most don't do everything I do.

I have tried to convince people sometimes until I am blue in the face. Especially on money-saving principles. But it usually doesn't work.

I just keep doing what I'm doing, and I really appreciate the kindred souls I find here.

-- Melissa (me@home.net), December 07, 2001.


I just look to the older generation and learn from them (they lived through the depression by having these skills). The younger generation don't get it and act as though we were members of the Rockefeller family, not the immigrant children we are. Sometimes I am amazed there isn't a bigger generation gap than there is. How do the older generation stand us (the others of us I mean)?

-- Ann Markson (tngreenacres@hotmail.com), December 07, 2001.

Ok, you want wierd. We REALLY have it here and boy does our family (and friends & our new neighbors)think we have flipped a lid. Here's our story:

We left high paying, high profile, big benefit jobs in Florida to buy a farm in SW mountains of Virginia. We came with no job for hubby. We have a big 10 room house in the middle of nowhere. Those who live with us include our 5 yr. old son, my grandmother, my brother, and a friend and her husband (her husband has alzhiemers). For some reason they accept the fact that grandma and brother came, but everyone thinks it is so wierd that "friends" live with us.

We came here because we believe God planned it for us. To all help each other, to prepare for hard times, and be supportive of each other. Also, for a better life away from all the materialistic things that we were all into.

My daughter (age 30) and her husband have also decided to join us. My daughter is here now getting established (they are buying a place of their own) while her husband finishes up the sale of thier house, etc. They may, however, build on our land - just keeping options open for now.

The ones who don't understand call it a "commune"; however, we are far from a commune. We are a "family". I am no fatalist; however, I do believe a storm is brewing and we are going to see some really really hard times coming and the rest of the family will suddenly think we are geniuses! Remember Noah...they all thought he was nuts too!

-- Karen (db0421@yahoo.com), December 08, 2001.


Thank you all for your words of support! And it's good to know that there are more of you out there. You're right, Cindy, some people in the country don't get it either. And Ardie (grin), you remind me of a friend of mine named Ardy...sharp and funny and no nonsense!

I read this forum alot and I devour the print Countryside (we only discovered it a few months ago). And I will visit those other forums more. thank you! Cat

-- Cat (catcrazy@somewhere.com), December 08, 2001.



I was told that my sons wouldn't find life partners because of the example of womanhood that I set was too difficult. I like to build fence, work cattle, bake bread, cut hubby's hair, etc etc... you know. Just doesn't set well with some folks and they can't keep their mouths shut. LOL

-- Rose (open_rose@hotmail.com), December 08, 2001.

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