The Deliarisation of the BBS - (BLATHER)

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I notice this week that the word "Delia" has officially entered the English language. This is in honour of Delia Smith, the erstwhile chair of Norwich City and culinary guru who taught us how to boil water on the TV in a recent series. (When I say "boil water on the TV" I mean that the programme was on TV - I mean she didn't stick a pan on top of her widescreen or anything - obviously.)

Anyway, I feel that we should not be left behind on the BBS and I hereby declare the formation of the BBS Lexicographers Association To Help Expand Rhetoric. (BLATHER)

It is hereby proposed that the following words be entered into the BBS lexicon.

- Softie A statistical analysis of great depth which leaves the reader in awe of the compiler of the stats. eg. If a subsequent post about this article states that 87 verbs were used of which 26% were intransitive and 14% were adverbially qualified, and that these numbers have never before been matched by someone with this particular inside leg measurement (on a Wednesday) then the contributor would be said to have done a "Softie".

- Clarky A scathing put-down of the club management with learned explanation of proper business practice. Any news about the club, good or bad can be "Clarkied". eg. The news that NUFC's youth teams are the strongest in years can be "Clarkied" by pointing out that if only the Academy had been put in place by the powers-that-be the situation would now be so much better.

- Buff A "Buff" is a word puzzle where the author writes an interesting and intelligent article but then mischieviously mixes up the order of the words and removes the punctuation before publishing. Anyone attempting to read a "Buff" aloud runs the risk of collapse from oxygen deprivation.

- Screacher A gardening term. To cause irreparable damage to foliage. To prune over-zealously. (Possibly from envy).

- Dougal To rebut an argument with no reference at all to any of the preceding discussion by going off at a wild tangent, or by using a reference to politically incorrect sources like "Red Issue". eg. If someone responds to this article with "That's all very well but we haven't won anything for 32 years" then this article will have been "Dougalled".

- Doctorbill To be "Doctorbilled" is to be provided with an exhaustive and intelligent explanation of something (often medical) which leaves the reader with no room to disagree at all, and may leave the reader questioning their own intelligence, not, as the etymology suggests, to be in receipt of an unaffordable invoice.

- Suzybrownale If you are walking along the street and notice a member of the opposite sex who attracts you so much you stop looking where you are going and collide with a lamp-post or have a similar mishap, then you have been "Suzybrownaled", or simply, "Suzied" or "Brownaled".

- Jonno To do a "Jonno" is to make a rallying call to troops in an almost impossible situation or to attempt to defend the indefensible. In the midst of a relegation struggle, a "Jonno" can be issued predicting an imminent Premiership title, or something equally ridiculous. In the wider sense, to "Jonno" is simply to write complete and utter bollux about anything.

- Gav Why wasn't he called Roger?

You are invited to refine/change these defintions and/or to add more.



-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001

Answers

Jonno dzoneu 2. v. a. taboo. To make a sudden, unexpected but pleasantly surprising appearance after an extended absence, often disappearing soon after into the mists. To Jonno, Jonnoed, "At the cocktail party I found myself Jonnoed by Tony whom I had not seen for years. After a quick update I returned with Long Island Iced Tea from the bar to find him gone without trace."

Bobby bobi n. inf. Lat deriv. 1. A character of legend, and mystery said to inhabit a mucky swamp in Hexhamshire. 2. sim "like a Bobby" To behave like a proper c**t, drunken, foul mouthed and lecherous. Very unfunny. Lacking any redeeming qualities. "We were having a great night in the nightclub until someone started to Bobby got us all chucked out and barred for life."

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001


Bobby 3. To forget all HTML.

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001

welcome home man!

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001

a superkev - to blatantly argue a point that will never be believed. ml3 - to be able to view both sides objectively

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001

You've been missed Jonno, welcome back.

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001


a stevo - to have your finger on the pulse of something red and dutch

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001

How do, pet.

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001

Spot on Swift.

However bear in mind that there are none so blind as those who will not see.

Who do you think "those" are in this case?

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001


A SWIFT. An inability to have a understanding of a culture he adores due to excees mileage from home.See also"chip on shoulder"

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001

I think you meant "objectionably" didn't you swift?

To Jonno; to polarise a disparate group into various cliques by the use of humour and, ironically, through making open-invitations to all and sundry.

p.s. what kept you? :-)

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001



Jonno, wipe your feet on the way back in , Buff is completing his BB`s leaving routine on the way oot,

Pit-Billed - To be brought back to reality ,or to be cornered by a person medically aware of all ailments that can befall a human of the male genre in the autumn of their life.

Steph , - ie `Got me another Steffy`, commonly used by the Geordie equivalent of the papparazzi.

Min - To sing cyberally , ie Toon scores, `Let`s do a min`

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001


Softie – Many different 4 letter terms for the male and female sexual organs

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001

Krist - masquerades under a variety of names but is easily recognizable as a particulalry smelly turd which refuses to be flushed away.

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001

;o)

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001

Wonderful to see you back on here, Jonno! Now don't go and do a Jonno by Bobby's definition. ;-)

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001


Welcome back old friend, thought you had taken refuge with a "southern team".

Bobby, Should that definition also have as an addendum "See also Gav"

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001


Welcome back man :))

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001

Mackem alt. Makem, MaKem. A particularly offensive term usually to be qualified with an adjective such as filthy (see Krist).

YBR A term of endearment, often confused with YRB, BRY or RYB. In fact, usually just confused.

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001


This has to be a hoax...I'll believe it when I see it... we have seen the comings of Jonno before, and before you know it *poof* away he goes again. While I will admit this does seem to be his style, If he's around posting this time next week we may have something!

If you are who you say you are, (and then even if you really are who you say you are, you would be akin to the messiah on this BBS,) and not some scheming false prophet... so if you are Jonno... the real Jonno, show us some tricks then!!!!!

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001


DAMN, got there first Jonno then?

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001

De Builder to be really prolific and then just disappear. eg, sven goran eriksson blamed the debuilder kevin philips suffered on his decision to omit the new spurs striker from the Japan squad.

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001

I've just been Jonnoed!! (alt defn.)
I had arranged to meet the BBS Messiah this evening (for I truly believe it is He, Sparxx ye of little faith) along with the disciple Dougal, for the breaking of pizza bread and wind (er, I mean wine, or maybe both). But verily I say unto you, I have just had a message from above (actually the Mobile Orange phone mast) saying he has been called away to matters from his Father's house (his sister).

We are hoping to re-arrange the meeting for next week, probably on the road to Damascus Kenton Bar.

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001


Well .... I'm cut to the quick to have been 'clarkied' like that! However, on balance it was pleasurable, and I sincerely hope the author doesn't just up and do a 'jonno'.

Missed you marra: stick around.

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001


Jonno
So these rumours that you'd been pitbilled onto a parallel plane of existance were just pie in the SkySports 1, 2, 3 or Extra.

Welcome back to the land of the vicars, but let's keep seeing you in print man, you know it makes sense.

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001


..... medically aware of all ailments .....
And some that haven't shown up yet Buff, but are known to be there just waiting their opportunity.

Well, I know they're there anyway.

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001


"for ye shall be confronted by those who would use my name for their own devices"...

If this charlatan is truly the one we have all known to love in the past let him show himself by the four letters that would be known only to him (for he was the first to utter the now sacred code in days of the communicata) as proof to us that he is truly a son of the toon and not the imposter this person is.

Show thyself heathen mackem!!!!

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001


TIWY A demonic curse. The worst of this curse is that it is issued by one whom you assume to be a friend, and yet is the most powerful curse known to humankind. Issued annually, it will be welcomed with amusement by the unsuspecting accursed who little realise that their dreams have just been damned to eternity and that they will be doomed to walk in the valley of the shadow of The Scottish Manager for ever and ever. Amen.

Ye of little faith Sparxx. Note that it is indeed I. Lo, I bear the stigmata of 3 consecutive Wembley defeats, mutter incoherently about "the third coming", (once would be an achievement!) and am bent double by the burden of 40 years (as of FA Cup Round 3 next month) of domestic failure as a Toon fan (although it might just be the arthritis). My rusty erection (oops - pitbilled there) resurrection has been long foretold.

Lo, I am with you always - even unto the end of extra time and a penalty shoot-out ...

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001

thats where you've been Jonno, with Lo, J - LO ,no wonder you have had no time to post!!! What did Puff D. have to say?

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001

I am humbled...it is the one and only...for it is truly the letters of TIWY that we carry as the banner of this BBS... the prodigal son has returned... MY GOD HE HAS RETURNED!!!!!!

btw... welcome home son...it would be an honour to have ye contributing on a regular basis again!!!!

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001


sorry to go against the tide here but Jonno, you are unwelcome. ever since you went we have been top 5 material...get lost :-)

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001

Al's Dodgy Knee To win a football arguement by simply stating how many away games you went to whilst at university, thereby proving beyond all doubt that you are right and they are wrong.

Nick Raphael To work every hour God sends. As in "its been a hard days night, and I've been working like a Nick Raphael."

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001

"NICK RAPHAEL", common street slang, act of being stood up or left on your own, ie start singing chants by yourself "Raphaeled", Sit in pergolas lookng for mates "Nick Raphed"

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001

Gus The extreme form of being sent to Coventry. If you have been Gused, you have most likely live in a remote area, far from civilisation. Often meaning "in a clique of ones own"

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001

Well it was an awful lot of away games....... Anyway I'm always right!!

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001

And for those of you who don't know Nick that well...... he has the cushiest job of anyone I've ever met. He gets about 50 days of holiday a year. His boss takes them waterskiing instead of spending the day in the office. He's able to go to work at 10am because "the trains are cheaper then" and his boss doesn't mind. We should all be jealous - "it's been a hard days night but thank god I've got a Nick Raphael job to relax at in the morning".

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001

Sounds just like Perth to me; "you have most likely live in a remote area, far from civilisation."

;7)

-- Anonymous, December 05, 2001


So who would like to contribute the description of a Tynedale Man...?

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001

Even I would not touch that one!

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001

No sane person would Gus.... ;)

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001

So are you going to give it a go then?

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001

Swifty (n) or Swiftied (v), to spread rumours and blame them on a third person.

ADK or Ald, To present a reasoned argument on an issue and then take a contrary stance on another issue, usually within the same thread.

Loony, to make up a fantastic tale about another country or event from your own attic as if you were actually there.

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001


Swift v. 2. To start a heated debate by acting the clever dick and only starting it off with one or two words e.g. Dabs, great.

Tynedale Man n. 1. One who prefers to play a girls game (e.g. hockey) than seeing Newcastle United play. 2. One who sees the sense in shaving off one's beard (male only).

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001


Bobby a: humorous colloquial Anglo-Irish expression evoking a life-altering, irrational passion for the North-East, its people, traditions, and leading football club. ‘Ever since Geoff took a holiday in Northumbria he’s gone completely Bobby’

Swift n : Entertaining football transfer rumour/suggestion passed on by a third party (freq. via Licensed Taxi chauffeurs) ‘Did you hear that Swift about us signing ******’

Clarky v : To thunder like an old-Testament prophet against the ill-doings of those holding power and influence over dearly held institutions ‘If the council doesn’t improve its services I’m going to Clarky’.

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001


....I'm getting worried - you make me sound like the Rev. Ian Paisley!
I suppose this is the Vicars Tea-Party!

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001

Garcie - Due to the demise of the steel industry in Sheffield ,sadly this word is slowly fading away, only used on a forum that debates the fortunes of Newcastle Utd, for example -: "Have you heard the Garcie about Min,Gav and the Bishop of Bath and Wells. True or Bluff?

Tre - Obscure word originating from Oz, not yet in the Oxford Dict but used extensively by promising young footballers between the ages of 18 and 22. During a match or indeed in training it is not uncommon if one listens intently to hear one young player say to another, "Have you been Tre-ed Yet", Tre Buff/l

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001


for new readers/listeners/lurkers, Garcie supplies the jokes on here, Tre is a purveyor of young raw talent ,on the football scene that is, Thought I`d better explain, we don`t want Buff confusing y`all.

-- Anonymous, December 06, 2001

- LR abbr. Lancaster Red. One who comes from the ManUre heap for verbal fisticuffs. Also used as a term of endearment, as in He's a complete Lanker.

- D'@rse'ole n. One who is so engrossed in his own self-importance. Often used recursively, as in ...up his own D'@rse'ole

- Fergie n. Both male and female forms of this exist. Both are fat b@st@rds with a red face. Strangely, where "m" if often used to signifiy "man" and "w" for woman, this convention is reversed. The male form is a whinger while the female form is a m...., err something else.

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2001

Dooley: verb. (Norse).( To Dooley,) 1. to celebrate an event and then not attend the event itself. eg. to drink heavily prior to a football match and not attend the following day. (unusual outside Norse speaking areas) 2. (Anglo Saxon) adj. a person that inhabits one extreme and then moves to somewhere totally different. eg. The shieks igloo has a netty.

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2001

"2. (Anglo Saxon) adj. a person that inhabits one extreme and then moves to somewhere totally different. eg. The shieks igloo has a netty." 3. see also Tynedale Man qv. ;-)

-- Anonymous, December 07, 2001

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