LUCIANNE - Short Cuts for Monday

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Monday December 3, 2001

Quote of The Day

"If CBS NEWS were a prison instead of a journalistic enterprise, three-quarters of the producers and 100 percent of the vice presidents would be Dan's bitches."

---Bernard Goldberg, author of Bias: A CBS Insider Exposes How the Media Distort the News.

"I guess one will do whatever it is necessary to do, if people will not surrender then they've made their choice."

---Donald Rumsfeld, gingerly avoiding the word "kill" in USA Today.

Return of the Macho Man (high time)

Macho, Macho, Macho Men: Tide turning developments this morning signal that the few and the fearless have more company when it comes to icon smashing. Let's start with the New York Times big take-out on the Fox News attitude. Fair, balanced and unafraid doesn't even say it. They've given their broadcasters permission to make moral judgments. No wonder they are waxing all the other networks.

Weekend At Bernie's: Word on what's in former CBS correspondent Bernie Goldberg's new book slamming CBS and Gunga Dan has so infuriated the "Tiffany Network" that it has sent spokesnoids to their thesauruses to find more words for "rat" "traitor" and "turncoat." None of which, of course, means he isn't telling the truth.

Making Things Clear: Two thousand Marines, mountain flattening daisy cutter bombs, tunnels filled with burning fuel and Secretaries of Defense and State who can use the words "kill" and "die" without trembling - reassuring stuff after nearly a decade of wimpery. Here's what was said on Sunday.

Jingle Bell...Sock! A stream of Santas tumbled into Kensington in the People's Republic of Maryland yesterday to protest a threatened "no Santa" rule by the local p.c.ers because two local families said Santa made them "uncomfortable."

This Had To Happen: Just in time for Xmas, a fashion must-have - the pakoul - the Northern Alliance squishy hat we've gotten so used to seeing on TV- is poised to be the latest fashion craze. Ldotters now have something to go with their shoulder-held rocket launchers.

LDotterNote: As regular readers know, we are campaigning to bring back certain nonpolitically correct words to the language. We are starting slowly because it is such a traumatic undertaking. We will offer a word a day. You are not to use it out loud for your own safety, merely whisper it to yourself or to test the mindset of a close friend by asking them to quietly use it in a sentence. Today's word is - and this is even hard to type - spastic. Oh, that was such fun we are going to try another....ready? moron. Now remember - don't go wild. This is dangerous stuff.

Your Determined Ldot Staff

-- Anonymous, December 03, 2001


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