By KEVIN JONES
TOKYO - Scientists have invented a nifty new handheld device that promises to take the guesswork out of identifying the Antichrist!
The Antichrist Detector, as the high-tech gadget is called, can pinpoint evil Satan's earthly incarnation at up to 600 yards, according to the manufacturer, Sapporo Industries.
"The Antichrist may be the master of deception, but no matter what guise he chooses to adopt, this device will nail him instantly," says chief designer Dr. Noburu Kanazawa.
With world events spiraling out of control and corresponding to signs of the End Times foretold in the Holy Bible, more religious scholars than ever are now firmly convinced that the Apocalypse is just around the corner.
And they believe that in keeping with biblical prophecy, the Antichrist will soon attempt to seize power worldwide.
But fingering the master of disaster will be a cinch using the device, which employs an array of super-sensitive sensors to pick up what the inventors call "demonic energy."
"Our device is designed to pick up unusual wavelengths that would be inconsistent with an ordinary human being," Dr. Kanazawa explained.
"It is constantly monitoring the entire spectrum, from the most obscure microwave frequencies to cosmic radiation."
When the gizmo recognizes that Antichrist is in close proximity, an LED flashes a red warning light and an arrow points to the direction where he - or she - is standing.
Sapporo Industries says it will begin a massive marketing blitz in the
UnitedStates by Thanksgiving, offering the detectors to all comers
for three payments of $19.95 via TV infomercials.
-- Anonymous, November 24, 2001