Thanksgiving Rhyme-JIT : LUSENET : Unk's Troll-free Private Saloon : One Thread

A rerun of something I posted last year at this time on Uncensored.

May you each have a Blessed Thanksgiving, and don't worry about that Turkey; he will survive until Christmas

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop

My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop

Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow

and he told me there was something I had to know

His look and his tone I will always remember

When told me the horror of...Black November

"Come about August, now listen to me

Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three

and soon you'll be thick where once you were thin

and you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin

And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed

In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head

Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n pink

and scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink

And then comes the worst part, he said not bluffing

she'll spread your ceecks and pack your rear with stuffing"

Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat'

I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat

and decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked

I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked

I began a new diet of nuts and granola

High roughage salads, juice, and diet cola

And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes

I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes

I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half

And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed

But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath

As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death

And sure enough when Black November rolled around

I was the last turkey left in the entire compound

So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap

I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap

She held me today, while sewing and humming

And smiled at me and said "Christmas is coming!"

-- Aunt Bee (, November 20, 2001



1) Go buy a turkey.

2) Take a drink of whiskey (scotch) or Jack Daniels.

3) Put turkey in the oven.

4) Take another 2 drinks of whiskey.

5) Set the degree at 375 ovens

6) Take 3 more whiskeys of drink.

7) Turn oven the on.

8) Take 4 whisks of drinky.

9) Turk the bastey.

10) Whiskey another bottle of get.

11) Stick a turkey in the thermometer

12) Glass yourself a pour of whiskey.

13) Bake the whiskey for 4 hours.

14) Take the oven out of the turkey.

15) Take the oven out of the turkey.

16) Floor the turkey up off of the pick.

17) Turk the carvey.

18) Get yourself another scottle of botch.

19) Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey.

20) Bless the saying, pass and eat out.

-- Peg (another oldie but @, November 20, 2001.

lol Peg! I love that one!

Aunt Bee, that was cute. It reminded me of the movie "Babe" when she took out a tape measure to see how big he was getting. :)

The old song says, "Christmas is coming, the GOOSE is getting fat..." How come we eat turkey and ham?

-- Pammy (, November 20, 2001.

The last time I considered cooking a Thanksgiving dinner, I ran across this Blackened Turkey recipe. Kindof like JBT pointed out on the rock-salt roast, I was maybe more interested in something else from this recipe than the blackened turkey.

-- Anita (, November 20, 2001.


The old song says, "Christmas is coming, the GOOSE is getting fat..." How come we eat turkey and ham?

I can give you my answer since we quit raising our own geese, which were essentially coyote food.

A top quality, dry cured ham, and we have some of the best in the country here, goes for 1.39 a pound [this is premium stuff]. Fresh, locally grown turkeys, are 1.29 a pound. A frozen goose [fresh ones aren't available], costs about $25. I can get, locally grown, pheasants. Fresh is 1.00 a pound, smoked is 1.29 a pound. Locally grown quail are cheap, but a lot like eating sparrows.

That kind of goose is just priced out of the market.

Best wishes,,,,


-- Z1X4Y7 (, November 20, 2001.

Ahhh... economics 101. Guess they must have been more plentiful and inexpensive back then. Thanks Z!

-- Pammy (never@te.a goose), November 20, 2001.


I have to confess, I've never eaten a goose either.

but I've been goosed..heh!!

-- Peg (here goosie goosie g@n.der), November 20, 2001.

Bend right over and touch your toes

and I'll show you where the wild goose goes

-- (Frankie Laine @ mule.train), November 20, 2001.


They are good eating, all-be-it a strange shaped bird. IMHO, duck is better; if it is good duck; nothing better served with my homemade vinegared blueberry sauce. Quail are the best, but very small [sort of like soft shelled crab]. ;o))))

Best Wishes,,,,


-- Z1X4Y7 (, November 20, 2001.


I'm just not a wild bird type of ;)

My brother used to hunt and bring home all sorts of game..pheasant and quail mostly and I couldn't stand the taste of it...guess having to spit out the little bb's didn't add to the flavor..[g].

I did get used to venison though.

-- Peg (gimme @ butterball. any day), November 20, 2001.

Factory goose and duck cooks out an awful lot of grease into the pan, and plenty more grease left in the bird. yech. Wild birds taste better.

-- helen (, November 20, 2001.


In my experience, what you say is true or not. Depends on where they are feeding and on what they are feeding. I remember deer when I lived all of those years in the Rockies. If they were feeding on some farmers alfalfa field, they were good. If they were browsing sage, they weren't good dogfood. If they were on the border, you didn't know what you were going to get. Anti-lope. Someone gave me a good cut and told me how to make stew; the indian way [twas an indian]. Tasted ok, but had the texture of a shredded goodyear [if you looked close, goodyear blinked on the side of the meat]. Now bear, IMHO, is awful. Can't understand why D. Boone thought it was the best meat. Moose that I had wasn't much better than bear.

Wild stuff can be good, but it is a crap shoot. Commercially raised stuff is always the same. Maybe not the very best, but never the very worst. ;o))

Best Wishes,,,,,


-- Z1X4Y7 (, November 20, 2001.

lol @ Peg! Pammy has been goosed a few times, too.

And Frankie, don't even get me started. ;)

-- Pammy (peg@nd.helen make me laugh), November 20, 2001.

Z, after my duck fiasco -- the one in the kitchen, not the one in the barn -- I asked my grandmother how to cook it the right way. She was very serious. She told me to cook it on a cedar shingle. Then, she said, throw the duck to the dogs and eat the shingle. :)

-- helen (duck@nd.cover), November 20, 2001.


Dare I ask about the one in the barn?

-- capnfun (, November 20, 2001.

Cap'n, you don't want to know.

-- helen (duck@duck.goose?), November 20, 2001.


I want to know. Just because you got glanders from kissing a mule is not important. Ducks don't get that disease. ;o)))

Best Wishes,,,,,


-- Z1X4Y7 (, November 20, 2001.

GOT glanders...??? Symptoms?

-- helen (boil@some.water), November 20, 2001.


I forgot that there was avian botulism and avian transmitted influenza. Wouldn't want those on top of glanders. ;o))

Best Wishes,,,,


-- Z1X4Y7 (, November 21, 2001.

Z, I love you too. ;)

-- helen (, November 21, 2001.

My Dad was a big duck hunter, and I remember those days of eating wild duck very well. In fact, the very first complete sentence spoken by my little brother was "Mo duck."

Mainly mallards and teal, but occasionally we had a canvasback, a real treat.

I myself haven't been hunting out in a marsh since high school. I've sometimes thought of resuming the sport, but I'd have to get all equipped starting from scratch, so I never have.

-- Peter Errington (, November 22, 2001.

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