Some of you know my favorite store is Grannie's. The full name is "Everything But Grannie's Panties." It's true, too. Kim, the young (30-ish) owner has some wonderful finds, from ice cube trays to Duncan Phyffe china cabinets and everything in between. Our house is slowly being furnished by Grannie's and the occasional estate sale. (Kim's a cat-rescue person too.)

So, being one of her special customers, I'm invited to Kim's annual Christmas party. We'll park at the store (which is actually a decrepit, rambling old house with sloping floors and bowed roof) and Kim will ferry us to the warehouse (a former tile and decorating store which is sturdy enough to hold a bunch of people) in her '47 Chevy. Yes, '47, not '57.

Here's the thing: we have to be in costume. Now I'm a bit past the elf and fairy stage so I need ideas for a humorous and CHEAP costume, very easy to make too, no sewing, if possible. I have some Christmas decorations stashed, of course, the usual tree ornaments, wreaths, etc. And yesterday I got some things from Big Lots, like red felt antlers with little flashing lights. But I'm still not sure of a theme. Got to be something I can sit down in as well.

I suppose I could be a fat old elf.

Got any ideas?

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

Answers

Hmm. I could go as a fruitcake.

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

OG,

It might take a little work, but how about go as a Christmas tree? Get a few yards of green felt, cut it out in the shape of a pine tree, glue the edges together (leave the bottom open so you can slip in). Cut out a hole for your face, so you can breath and see. (A stumbling Christmas tree is a depressing thing to watch...)

For the touch-ups, you could add a few cut-out Christmas ornaments, or glue on a little glitter...

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

Yes, that's a good idea. I like that. Might use a lighter material with iron-on stiff interfacing--still have hot flashes, ya know. I don't have any tights, though. Actually, I have a lot of tights, just no suitable leotards. I could make do with watchacallits, you know, tight black Lycra pants (which I always wear with long shirts and tunics, stop gasping in horror) and black socks. Got some green velvet house shoes, could staple a big jingle bell on each :)

I wonder how many others would think of the same thing? There's a prize involved, have no idea what it is but it will be something good.

When I said a fruitcake, I was thinking more of silly stuff, as in "nuttier than."

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

Wrap yourself in sheets and go as an un-made bed. Add a veil and be an Afghani woman.

Oh, wait, this isn't a Halloween party is it?

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

Carry your laptop and a tin cup and be an out of work dot.comer?

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

Wear an old coat decorated to look Christmassy, and a nice printed t-shirt with a Happy Holidays slogan on it.

flash everyone with the coat.

let them figure out that you are a christmas card.

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

Maybe you can make a grinch costume? He was green, but not a cute green like Kermit.

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

The grinch is THIN, dammit!

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

Jim Carey was thin. the grinch was NOT!

Look in the book!

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

I don't have no steenking Grinch book. Besides, I would have to put green stuff on my face or eat some bad fish.

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

I like the tree Idea, and then the "flashing" card Idea. I was thinking along the lines of a Tree and safty pinning little ornaments....(not the kind that can break)

or take a sheet, (at least you'll be comfy,,,,,and belt it in the front with gold cording or what ever you have, and add a halo and wings, and be an "angel" (you can splash some "dirt" on your face, and be an angel with a dirty face!!!! Or with a "broken wing.....

but I like the tree Idea. I'd vote for that.

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

If you go as a tree, don't stand outside for too long, or some guy might walk up and pee on you.

ROTFLMAO

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

How about going as Santa's Toy Bag?

Easy to use an old colored sheet gathered at the bottom (knees), stuffed with tissue paper to shape. Tie it with a cord or ribbon around the chest and have a few toys sticking out along with your head. Your head could be a *dolls* head with a bit of make-up.

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

you could use the antlers off to the side on something like an animal that is "watering" you, the christmas tree???

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

If Santa's toy sack is too much, and I really like that one!, how about going as a present? With a big tag that says 'To Sweetie' 'From Santa' on it? Some wire hangers to make a shape, stretch a holiday table cloth over it, and yet it can be made to collapse for riding in the car or what have you...

And of course there is the Raggedy Ann and Andy choice for both of you. Dolls like that are popular in holiday pictures.

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

The Christmas card idea is taking shape. But two pieces of stiff white poster board, taped so it will hinge, open on one side, usual Christmas greeting on the inside. I also bought a santa face and its eyes light up--that could decorate the front. Hey, it was only 1.99--gawd, I love Big Lots!!! Need a "Merry Christmas" sign but could handwrite one in a pinch. And I could still wear the flashing antlers! Yes, I'm liking that more and more--very easy to make and, long as it's slung around my neck, can move it over my knees to sit. Have long grey skirt and matching shirt to wear underneath, yep, this might be the way to go.

I could also dress as an angel and stretch out on the floor. "Huh? What're you supposed to be?" "Fallen angel." Cackle, cackle! Nah, there'll be a slew of angels, not many cards. And I'm such a card, snort!

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

This probably won't help you now, but when I was last asked to a gathering like that, I went as a spot.

I wore black all over: bodysuit, pants, socks, shoes, hat, and facepaint. Then I wrapped tin foil, shinny side out around the bottom of two round cardboard circles that come in small pizza boxes. I used two safetly pins (top and bottom) to fasten the cardboard circle to my chest and back.

Cost = free. I had all of the materials already.

I won second prize. First prize went to the "Thing from the Office," a guy who had decked himself out in paperclips, whiteout, and computer paper shavings (this was before lasor printers were widely used).

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

But it has to have a Christmas theme! Otherwise--nice idea! I have stuff left over from NO I could use, otherwise, including a whole Babylonian princess costume with pearls an' rhinestones an' sequins an everything. If I had time and could afford it, I'd do one in red and green and tinsel--"Let's bring Christmas to the Middle East," lol!

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

Take an old white sheet... put on two holes for the eyes.... black circles for the mouth... dark belt in the middle.... twigs for arms...hat on top... carry a piece of chocalate..

Go as a marshmallow... or s'more

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

I suppose that I could use larger cardboard and go as a Christmas decoration.

I hope that I won't have to make any decisions like that. The Christmas party season can be obnoxious for some of us single ladies. This is the time of year when well meaning co-workers attempt to fix us up with single guys at their Christmas parties.

It's hard enough making small talk with strangers on a good day, worse when said stranger is wearing a Santa hat, green and red flashing bow tie, and threatening to drop his pants in order that we might better view his Christmas-themed boxers.

At such times, I find myself wishing that I had agreed to escort a dozen pre-teens to a skating party or had taken on more contract work with a looming deadline.

Then again, maybe I just need to take up drinking again, at least for this holiday season.

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

If you go as a Christmas tree, don't forget the tree top ornament...maybe a star.

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

Yep, had more mail tonight, too. We seem to be pretty popular.

Meems, that guy threatening to drop his drawers--his name wasn't Sweetie by any chance, was it? Erm, the night he proposed, it was Halloween and I was wearing my Git photo outfit--Mommie Dearest. The first gift Sweetie gave me was a rubber chicken. Nope, it was a parrot pillow (because we met over the Dead Parrot sketch); the chicken was the second gift.

Mebs, you still have that photo on file?

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

I could have sworn SAR had a post here about giving someone the password. Haven't had a drop of alcohol, honest, just two ibuprofen, that's all.

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

at least he wasn't threatening to drop his drawers to show you his ornament.

Or maybe that would have livened things up?

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

Git, look here for Sar's post.

-- Anonymous, November 17, 2001

I came across a sweatshirt I had forgotten. It says:

I AM NOT MARTHA STEWART

I can see it now, badly-made and tasteless Christmas jewelry (from ornaments and tinsel I already have), some cheap and tacky fabric to make an awful skirt--I think this might do it. We all hate Martha Stewart--don't we??? And the antlers will fit right in.

-- Anonymous, November 18, 2001

I'm not absolutely sure that Martha likes herself.

-- Anonymous, November 19, 2001