O.K. I didn't want to leave ya'll hanging out there (like my belly) so I thought I'd let you know the solution to the shrinking pants debacle. Not long after ya'll made your suggestions, I didn't sleep well for a couple of nights because my mind was mulling over all the possibilities. One day when the wife left the room, I checked the book she had been reading. It was a (GULP) DIET cookbook! So, I did what I should have done in the first place. I asked her to sit on the couch and I went to the bedroom, removed a pistol from the gun rack, took out the clip and removed one of the bullets. (Hint, when you bite it, make sure you bite the lead end.) I sat down next to her and discussed the problem and all the time she was saying things like "fat, obese, slovenly". That last one, I didn't even know she knew! I stopped and assured her that I never thought any of those thoughts about her. She had this funny look on her face and assured me that she wasn't talking about herself. I got the message, just couldn't believe it. I went to the bedroom, removed my clothes and looked in the full length mirror. Not a pretty sight! Looked like a funhouse mirror. So I checked in the bathroom mirror. Same results! I thought this over and came up with what I think is the ultimate solution. Tuesday, I'm going to the bank and borrow enough money to buy some of those stretch pants that pregnant women wear, the ones with the big square panel in front and a few pair of bib overalls. Then I'm removing all the full length mirrors in the house and will only have those that show from the chest up. I don't know if this is going to satisfy the wife or not, but I know I'll breath easier. Thanks for all the suggestions.

Wildman (diet cookbook is in the trash)

-- Anonymous, November 12, 2001

Answers

Please let us know if the pants work, Wildman. If they do, well, I just might get some for my hubby (and myself!!!). THEN we'll go out to eat :-)!

-- Anonymous, November 12, 2001

Why get rid of the mirrors? Buy the thin view funhouse ones.

-- Anonymous, November 13, 2001

Marcia, head on down to the local bridal shop. Isn't that where they sell the pregnant clothes? They fit and feel wonderful! Plenty of room for expansion. I figure I've got another 6 months.

Jay, I'm likeing your suggestion more and more. As soon as the pants start getting tight again, I'm heading for the nearest carnival.

Wildman

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001

Wildman, when I was preggers I had the adjustable panelled pants (they even come in jeans) so that my pants grew with me. If the waistband got too snug then I adjusted thebuttonholed elastic to be more comfy. They lasted throuigh 2 pregnancies. If I wasn't so short I'd offer them to you..maybe as shorts for summer? just a hint to look for the adjustable pants so you don't need to buy too often. :o)

-- Anonymous, November 15, 2001

Alison, those are the pants I'm looking for. Or is that "for which I'm looking"? The closest large Bridal Shop will probably be in Batesville and I'll try to get over there tomorrow.

I might have left everyone with the wrong impression. I'm afraid that ya'll might think that my condition is my fault. Not so, remember, I'm never at fault. I originally thought that this problem was because the wife was doing something wrong with my clothes. Well, as it turns out she wasn't doing anything wrong with the clothes but it's still her fault that I have this problem. She feeds me too well! If she were a worse cook and didn't make such delicious meals then I wouldn't eat so much. You see how this works? She just made three fruit cakes today! She knows I love fruit cakes. There's an old joke that says that there's only one fruit cake in the world and it just keeps getting passed around. If it passes here it's because I didn't see it!

Welcome aboard and have fun here.

Wildman

-- Anonymous, November 15, 2001

Doesn't it seem like fruit cake should be one of those "oxymorons" (sp.?)!? How can it be so fattening...it's full of fruit! My hubby like the ones with brandy or rum (or both!).

-- Anonymous, November 16, 2001

Wildman, it's good that you have a "large bridal shop" within driving distance, cuz I think probably clothes made for large brides might suit you better. Good luck in your search.

It is indeed refreshing to hear someone say nice things about fruitcakes. I grow weary of them being constantly ridiculed. An equally nourishing confection would be hard to find, when made properly (by Marth Stuart), packed with nuts and fruits and a little booze for good measure. In fact, I like fruitcakes so much I take it as a compliment when people choose to refer to me as one, which they do on occassion. Of course, I also take it as a compliment when people refer to me as a "martha", which they never do, except my sister, who resents anyone who actually likes doing anything remotely domestic. Well not anyone actually, just women. A domestic man (like hers, thank god, someone has to do it!) is fascinating and deserves endless applause.

I too am having strange things happening to my clothes since I moved here. I have no one else to indict since I do the cooking, and at first I thought it was because there was something odd about the washer/dryer, until I noticed it an unlikely coincidence that the scale was also malfunctioning. My conclusions are that I get almost NO exercise anymore, which not only has caused me to spread, flab, and bloat, but it makes me depressed, which generates frequent searches for comfort food. Or I have a tumor. Or several tumors.

I must go outside now, such as it is, and waddle on down to the lake to work on the trail and sitting area I am building. Only three more glorious days like this till the shoe falls,they tell us.....

Peace,

-- Anonymous, November 16, 2001

As I grow older, EM, I always say I'm not getting WISER...I'm getting WIDER! Just how or why that happens is beyond me!!

-- Anonymous, November 16, 2001

Well, I get plenty of exercise and I am getting older and wider much faster than older and wiser!!!

-- Anonymous, November 16, 2001