Roisin your piece(on paper on 02/11/01 )on relationships prompts this. Before I can truly love another I must first love myself. This becomes a lot easier when I realise Who I really Am. If my glass is only half full that that is all I have to give. Difficulties in a relationship are a blessing. They provide a mirror to reflect back to me what I need to learn about my next level of growth. This will usually involve a struggle with Ego so that I can come closer to Who I really Am.

-- Anonymous, November 12, 2001

Answers

I do think that I can't really love another unless I love myself, but also in turn loving someone else facilitates that growth in myself that you talk about - with difficulties etc - and a self-giving that promotes self-love too. It's a vicious circle, only not vicious... but good! And I get that impression from your thoughts too, as you say we are helped to become "Who I really Am" by facing ourselves in the difficulties of relationships.

I've a friend - confession, I call her my "problem" friend - who doesn't love herself, and can't love others properly... I've struggled to help her, but there's only so much I can do. Her relationships don't do her any good: in fact she's messing others up too... agghhhh! She springs to mind when talking about this circular route of love.

I think giving, reaching out, is essential in our make-up, and it adds to our identity. If I don't love others, I reckon I'm only half- developed....? (And I'm talking of others as in family, friends.... and some day maybe a potential lover!!) Love makes the world go round, or was that money...?

And I've been kicked off the connection, so I'll include that section which I hadn't put on the site:

I was reading a little excerpt from Thomas Merton and he talks about not existing for ourselves alone, and when we are convinced of that, we begin to love ourselves and love others. Life is a gift because of what it enables us to give to others…. - they are his words. Challenging stuff. In our weaknesses and limitations we complete and supplement each other, and so we are made whole through our giving.

That giving involves vulnerability, making myself open to the other. Not closing myself off from others in fear, which can happen and is tempting at times. This vulnerability enables real communication and love to occur. And I guess this openness and vulnerability captures for me the essence of love. This is the kind of love that the Trinity have between them. And that they invite us to participate in. Jesus captures all this vulnerability, love and passion in his ultimate act of giving (which is also the Trinity's act of giving.) And I have the chance of letting my actions reflect that act. Very exciting, scary, and challenging.

And ultimately that's my goal in life - to open myself to others and help them. It's vague, I know, but maybe forming a theology from experience will help me channel that goal, and specify it a bit.

Thanks Sean, for the thought, and see you all tonight!

-- Anonymous, November 14, 2001