if I were a variety of cancer, what toping would you put on me? some sort of, how do you say, asparagus dip? or something straight from sugar town?

-- Rufus D. Coconut (superthing@smxtech.com), November 11, 2001

Answers

This all depends on the type of cancer that you are. For you see, you would put cheese on top of a pizza, though certainly NOT on the bottom. It would fall right off the moment you were to pick it up. Likewise, if you were a lung cancer, how would we ever reach you to apply any toppings in the first place? Perish the thought, I say. However, if you were one of the easily accessible varieties of cancer, I believe we would apply mustard gas to suffocate you and relieve your host of his or her affliction. This is indeed sad news for you, my carcinogenic friend, but that is your punishment for being a terminal illness-causing agent in the first place.

-- 4A 75 73 74 69 6E 20 45 75 67 65 6E 65 20 53 6B 6C 69 61 72 (skliaj@rpi.edu), November 26, 2001.